A New Member

[heatherwest]

I have been doing fine up until today... I lost my mom in May of last year and watched my father die in August.. he had cancer and gave up after my mom died. Everyone seemed to know that was going to happen but me. I guess I knew somewhere in my heart but did not want to believe it. Since my parents death struggles and major loss have continued. My boyfriend told me that he started to pull away from me when my dad was dying. He did not understand why I would drop everything to take care of him,(I am an only child) after all I had my own family to take care of. I found out the person I bought my business from was a conartist I had to choose to save the business or drop everything at the business to take care of my dad.. thus leading to the closure of the business and a failed relationship. my boyfriend told me that he could not deal with me being sad all the time.. I rarely ever talked to him about either death and dealt with it on my own time.. per his request.. but today was so hard for me... I am living in a new place, started a new job that I suck at and am just so lonely. These are the times that I would reach out to my parents for support.. but neither are here for me to talk to.. I feel really alone and hopped on the internet looking for some kind of support group or something to be able to openly talk about these major losses. I am not looking to complain or say whoe is me... I am just going through so much loss and need to talk. I know that God is with me in this.. I know there is a rainbow after every storm. However I am just in so much pain from the loss of everything. I could not stop crying today.. no matter what I did the tears would not stop... it was so embarassing. All I could do was wipe the tears away and try to seem "normal".

[ksbeachbum]

dear heatherwest:

I wish I was there to give you a big hug.. please accept my cyper hug ((((( ))))). I am so sorry for your loss and that you are alone. This is a great place for support and to vent your feelings. I know about being alone. I lost my spouse 7 months ago at the age of 54. I have one son that is 4 hours away and is a teacher and coach, so he is very busy. As for your boyfriend, I am truly sorry that he is not there for you, BUT it is good that you found out now what kind of person he really is before you commit a lifetime to him. You desere better. It is tough not having your parents to lean on... I lost my mother many years ago and my dad 3 years ago. I feel like an orphan at times. Now losing my husband, who was my best friend has been even more of a blow. I welcome you and the people on this board have been true friends and I know you will also find this a healing place.

Blessings to you

Becky

[pmpupdamike]

Heather I am sorry for what you are facing. I feel pretty lost and overwhelmed as well. I think it is pretty normal, as both our losses are recent ones. I envy your ability to let go and cry, I sometimes wish, I could do just that, with wild abandon. This forum helps alot, even if for the simple reason, of just writing out my feeings. Wishing you lots of peace.

Mir