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In A Season Of Miracles

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Dear friends,

We buried Jane's body a year ago today. People tell me there were lots of people at the funeral. Whether there were or not I cannot honestly say. My eyes were on the casket and the sudden absence of the person who was half my soul. There was a faint joy in knowing she no longer hurt--that she had gone home. And the numbness of the sudden shock of it held the grief that has since blossomed at bay.

I helped carry her casket into the church. I helped carry it out again. I helped carry it to the grave. It is not a husband's traditional place in the order of a funeral. But as I had carried her across the threshold on our wedding day, I was determined to carry her figuratively into the new life we both knew was there.

In a little while I will make the solitary drive up the hill to the cemetery. I will finish decorating the grave for Christmas and leave a Christmas card for her. I will come home.

Most of you will do the same today--or soon, if you have not already--for those you have lost. You will enter the holidays for the first or second or third or fourth or..nth time... You will face the empty chair, the empty place at the table, the empty space in the bed next to you.

I took my niece to see A Christmas Carol yesterday in Providence. The play is always powerful and poignant for me--and yesterday it was particularly so. For me,Christmas/Solstice/Sun Return/Hanukkah/Kwanza/Whatever other holiday you may celebrate at the turn of the year, is about the return of light out of darkness and hope out of despair. There is no more hopeless case than Scrooge--and his redemption is a reminder that no matter how dark things seem, no matter how hopeless, the power is in each of us to change the world--or at least some small piece of it. And if everyone worked--to cure one disease, to feed one child, to house one homeless person--the world would truly be changed.

Jane and I fought the battle to educate children--to help them learn to think and feel at the same time--to know that they could make a difference in their lives and in the life of the world.

Now, for a time, my work is the cancer that took my wife, that takes thousands of people's lives every year. It is sometimes painful work I wish had fallen on someone else. But teaching had its painful moments as well.

In this season it is easy to get caught up in the miracles of the Festival of Light, of the birth of a specific child, of the turning back of darkness. What gets too often lost in the shuffle are the small daily miracles created out of grief and love and momentary compassion. Every person has it in them to be or to create the miracle that saves or betters the life of another.

Celebrate the miracle that brought you and your spouse together. Celebrate the miracle of your children and grandchildren. Celebrate the miracle that created this space in which we can share or grief. Celebrate all the small miracles and small joys that help hold you and yours together.

But don't just celebrate miracles this time of year--be one.



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Thinking of you as you make that journey today....I will be doing the same. It is a miracle how two souls find each other and blend their lives and hearts and souls. And it will be a miracle when we are reunited though we still are in some way beyond my comprehension. Peace to you today.


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My thoughts are with you today...

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My Dear Friend Harry,

You, know I will miss not hearing your voice and the conversations we get into on the phone. You have brought a different light into my life. I am honored to have your friend ship. I know about miracles, in life, I have seen some small one myself. I am working on one right now, That I know Pauline will be very proud when I have it completed. I started on this the day after she passed, now of all times of the year, Christmas year it is all coming together at last. I do not take on the big ones like Harry does, I know in some way he will succeed at his goal.

My niece is with the miracle of generating a new life. That is one miracle, Pauline and I wanted so much in live, but it was never meant to be. I have no regrets, I loved Pauline way to much for that.

Yes Harry You are so right this time of years is about Miracles and we should be CELEBRATING them.

I always Shine My light of LIFE out so others cans SEE that even after DEATH, LIFE, is still there for you to REACH out and take a hold for dear live, climb back up, and SHINE YOUR LIGHT OF LIFE, LIKE MINE.

God Bless


"He who has health, has hope; and he who has hope, has everything."

        - Thomas Carlyle

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