What Now?

[rzaner]

I lost my husband of 24 years in oct. 2011. His name was Keith and 51 yrs old. My best friend. We were together 24/7. I helped him

with his daily needs and running a business from home. He was my every thing!

I never knew that I could hurt,ache and miss so deeply. I'm having a really hard time wanting to push on. The anxiety and panic seem

to take over. I would do almost anything to be with him again.

My family support is awesome and I do appreciate them but it does not feel like it's enough. All I want is my life as I knew it and

the security,love and support of my husband again. It still feels like a really bad dream. I was not suppose to be widowed at 45.

I have not moved things on his desk, clothes are still on the chair in the bedroom. It's too hard to move things. I feel like I'll

lose him more.

Why do I feel like a burden to my friends and family? Their lifes have gone on and all I can do is cry, talk too much or act like I'm

okay. I needed to talk to others who really understand.

Thanks for listening,

RAZ

[mfh]

Dear RAZ

I am so sorry for your loss. All of us here understand the pain and the yearning to be reunited. I lost my husband going on 2 years ago. most of us have written the same words you wrote. You have come to the right place. We all get it. Like my family and some friends, they just do not understand your loss and how it impacts every minute of every day, every dream. No one can walk in your shoes but the folks here come very close to it as we are all walking this horrible path. Keep coming back here, take care of YOU, be gentle with yourself. Grieving is unique to each person and we live in a culture that does not deal well with grief once a few weeks have passed. I hope you have sought out a local grief support group. I did and I saw a grief counselor also...it all helps and i urge you to consider it. Mary

[kayc]

Raz,

I am sorry you also lost your husband, mine too had just turned 51 when he suddenly died. Everyone else's lives seems to move on but they are impacted differently by his death than you are...to you it affected every avenue of your life and being.

You have found a good place here, I hope you will keep coming back. This is a place where you will be understood, we all go through this together.

Kay

[Susie Q]

Dear Raz

Of course you yearn for your husband and your life back. I will be brutally honest and tell you that those feelings won't go away soon, if at all, but slowly you will be better able to manage the raw pain you feel now.

I understand when you say you have great support but it doesn't feel enough. You can be alone and still in despair while surrounded by loving and caring family and friends. That's one of the terrible contradictions of this state we find ourselves in.

What I do know is that you are not a burden to those that care about you.

Many will say and do upsetting things, just because they don't know how to best deal with the trauma you are in. The most important thing is that, at this time, you do what is best for you. Take the advice you feel comfortable with but follow your instincts on anything that makes you feel uncomfortable or stressed (like 'you should.....; you'll feel better if....; your husband would want you to....)

There is no timeline for moving his things. For me, I needed to quickly put away things that were in public areas of the house - just too upsetting when people were there, but I have left upstairs the way it was because it gives me comfort. At 2.5 years I still have his shirts hanging in the wardrobe and clothes in his drawers. I'm getting close to dealing with them now, but still not yet.

People here understand that a few months is nothing and can help you with the day to day feelings that surface. Keep posting...Susie Q