Empty Nest And Grief - At The Same Time

[melina]

I'm now officially running an empty nest. All four sons have moved out. Since they're all students, I imagine one or two will come home for holidays now and then, but basically I'm on my own. It's a strange feeling - extra lonely.

Are there any widows/widowers with experience of this sort? After years of living with a busy family, everything has now gone silent. It's almost surreal. If it wasn't for my job, I might question whether I exist or not. There's no one here to see me.

Melina

[mfh]

"I'm now officially running an empty nest. All four sons have moved out. Since they're all students, I imagine one or two will come home for holidays now and then, but basically I'm on my own. It's a strange feeling - extra lonely.

Are there any widows/widowers with experience of this sort? After years of living with a busy family, everything has now gone silent. It's almost surreal. If it wasn't for my job, I might question whether I exist or not. There's no one here to see me. "

Dear Metteline,

I can not imagine how quiet that house must be. Boys are such high energy and booming voices as they grow. When I had the construction guys in here before Christmas, the entire house changed as they talked back and forth to each other with their big voices. I have never raised kids so I can not relate on that level but, of course, I do know about the silence in the house after Bill died. It feels like a tomb that I ever so slowly am getting used to but find myself still shocked by the deafening silence many times a day. Add four boys to the mix and the silence would be even more deafening and more lonely, if that is possible, and yes, surreal....shocking. Your statement about questioning whether you exist or not and that there is no one here to "see me" is so powerful. When I met Bill more than half a lifetime ago I felt seen and known and heard, really seen and known and heard, for the first time in my life....and it was then that I felt I began to truly exist...really exist. He saw me. He heard my deepest soul stirrings...and responded. I can relate to that feeling you expressed.

I am glad you have the job. My work with my publication keeps me in touch with people...many times when I would prefer to pull the blankets over my head and forget I exist. That and friends keep me going. I hope there are some folks who have shared this empty nest life who can reach out to you. In the meantime, as ever, I am here for you.

Peace,

Mary

[kayc]

Melina,

Yes I can relate...my kids left home before George died, but my daughter stayed with me a short time after his death. After my son got out of the service, he stayed with me off and on, but he's owned his own home for a couple of years now so I know he won't be moving back, plus now he's engaged.

It is indeed very quiet. I know I exist, just not sure anyone else does. It wasn't so bad when I was working full time, but now...it's hard to feel a sense of purpose or reason for living other than my dog.

[melina]

..it's hard to feel a sense of purpose or reason for living other than my dog.

Kay,

Sorry to wait so long in replying. I agree with you - it's hard to be alone with just the dog.

Often I wonder why I'm here at all. I can't seem to find my way back to any kind of meaningful life. I'm starting to worry that it's all downhill from here.

It's a desperate feeling.

Melina

[melina]

Your statement about questioning whether you exist or not and that there is no one here to "see me" is so powerful. When I met Bill more than half a lifetime ago I felt seen and known and heard, really seen and known and heard, for the first time in my life....and it was then that I felt I began to truly exist...really exist. He saw me. He heard my deepest soul stirrings...and responded. I can relate to that feeling you expressed.

Thanks Mary. I understand your feelings too. I guess there aren't many empty nesters on this site. Or maybe most people have had an empty nest for quite some time.

Things aren't going very well. I feel like I'm skidding downhill. But thanks for your reply.

Melina

[terp8r]

Melina, My husband and I experienced the "empty nest" about 12 years ago, It was hard enough to go thru then with my husband that I can't even stand to think about how difficult it would be to experience it so close to the passing of my husband. I have been reading your posts and thinking of you (and all of us) and wishing peace for you. Day by day by day is how I'm getting through this. Peace and love, Pam

[Lainey]

Melina,

My nest has been empty of children since the mid 90's, then the grandchildren came along and I was able to look after them until they were school age and now they're 11 and 14, so really don't need looking after. Luckily on days off school, they often sleep over and then we spend the day together. When Lars left, the emptiness was unbearable for awhile, radio and TV on all day and most nights I'd fall asleep in front of the TV. Now I actually enjoy the quiet most times.

Lainey

[mfh]

Dear Metteline,

Yes, I am here and if you wish to call, please do so. I will be tied up at a short meeting from 4-about 6:30 today but otherwise I am here. Tomorrow I will be here until 1pm. I have book club from 1:30-3:30 and I am leading the discussion so I have to go. Otherwise I am here. I know you hurt so so much...it seems never ending for sure. Email, call whatever....Peace, Mary