Coping With A Parents Suicide: Can't Cry

[T4toria]

My mother committed suicide three and a half weeks ago. To people outside I seem to be handling it really well, I'm back in work and seem fairly normal. However I just don't seem to be able to deal with it. My mind stops me from focusing on what has happened. I keep thinking I will wake up and it won't have happened, I can't cry and I desperately want to because I'm really scared the feelings will come and overwhelm me. We were really close and I just can't believe she is gone and it's like my mind won't allow me to grieve and to feel, I don't know what to do.

[MartyT]

Dear one, I'm so very sorry to learn this tragic news about your mother, and please know that you have our heartfelt sympathy for your loss. Coping with the sudden and unexpected death of a loved one is difficult enough, but losing a loved one to suicide is particularly difficult ~ and this person was your mother.

You say you're unable to cry, although you want to do so ~ yet at the same time, your mind stops you from focusing on the horror of it all. Since this happened barely a month ago, you may still be in a state of shock and numbness, which is nature's way of protecting you from the full force of this unspeakable blow. It's a way of taking this in, at a pace and rate that your mind and heart can withstand the enormity of it all. You simply cannot digest this all at once ~ instead, you must take it in, one little piece at a time. Otherwise you would choke. Does that make sense? At this point in your grief journey, it seems to me that your reaction is perfectly normal and understandable under the circumstances.

You say that you were very close, so I can only imagine how painful this must be for you. You don't say what if any sort of support you've obtained in the wake of this horrifying event, and while I'm certainly relieved to know that you've found your way to this warm and caring place, I hope you will consider seeking additional sources of information, comfort and support. When you're not sure of your reactions, when it feels as if you're losing your mind, when you feel completely at a loss as to how to deal with this enormous tragedy in your life ~ is there any better time to acknowledge that you need to talk to someone who can help you understand what's happening to you, and give you reassurance that your reactions are normal? You might begin by exploring my site's Suicide Loss and Death of a Parent or Grandparent pages, where you'll find links to dozens of helpful articles, books, websites and other resources ~ but I hope you'll also consider consulting a counselor or therapist who specializes in grief. See, for example, Finding Grief Support That Is Right For You and Look to Your Hospice for Grief Support.

[Lina]

I am so terribly sorry.

For me when I need to cry I find a quiet time and place and watch a sad movie, listen to poignant music or look through old pictures...sometime finding the right tool can help. *Hugs* For me that time is after my daughter goes to sleep...the house is quiet and I can go through old emails, pictures and videos and cry and cry and cry. *hugs*