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Getting Away Helped


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I am home from Denver. The trip was helpful...like seeing the forest from a distance. It was anxiety provoking and filled with tears as I retraced some of Bill's and my steps. It was also very rewarding once I pushed myself through the tough spots. As I continue to grieve (walk about with tears ready to fall, lonely, sad) and do my inner work, I also know what my next step is...i.e. to create more space for me...a time out so to speak. A chapter for me. Though it feels frightening to face the unidentified me to an even greater degree, it is essential to do- so I can see the road ahead. A friend sent me this attached picture today....it says a lot about where I am. I am going to take as long as this journey takes. I am committed to this and have been and though it feels like jumping off a cliff unable to see how high the cliff is or what is below....I am poised there preparing for the leap into me.

It is pouring rain today...an all day rain....I see it as cleansing the world around me, nourishing the new growth... as I also plan to cleanse my house and life of all the "not me" whatevers. I do not know if that includes Bill's clothing and tools etc. One day at a time...staying in the now as much as possible...cutting down on the busyness so I can be with me...

I guess for me, this is year 3 as it begins. Ongoing grieving and looking hard at me and my life...more of the same mostly but with more space for it.

Peace,

Mary mfh

I do not know the photographer to give him credit. You can click it to enlarge it.

post-14525-13353667702143_thumb.jpg

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Hi Mary,

I am so glad you are finding a pathway out. I do believe that it resides in finding oneself. Only through allowing the pain to dwell can we begin to reach for something more. There is an inner power that helps us accomplish what we desire the most. I think you are spot on in deciding to concentrate on yourself. I'm happy for you. :) cheryl

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I can relate to the frog.

I'm glad your trip helped, sometimes it helps lend a fresh perspective to things.

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Mary,

I have been thinking for the past few weeks, before Jim passed. I didn't want to get rid of his stuff either, including his clothes. So, I have a few friends that make quilts and plan to ask them to take some of Jim's clothes and make a quilt or two for me and one for Chloe. There are certain pieces I want to keep as they are, but this way I feel it will be kind of like him wraping himself around me. I find myself putting on his shirt today, it some how made me feel closer to him, or that he was with me.

You have to take all the time you need for yourself, and to decide what to do with Bill's clothes and tools and such in your own time and do what you wish with them, no matter what anyone else says.

amw

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Thank you all for your kind words. It feels good to be home. It feels good to know that I went and good things happened. Peace, Mary

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Dear Mary,

Glad your trip went well. I have about convinced myself that I really need to get away. I think the week after Relay I want to just vanish for a week.

Peace,

Harry

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Dear Harry, Congratulations (I guess that is the right word) on allowing yourself to give Jane's car away. It is all logical but our hearts do not know logic. You did it...and that the heart understands. I am in the process of bringing my publication to an end...looking for a buyer but if no buyer appears, October will be the final issue. Decision is made. It is a part of Bill, we started it together and it was fun for us. My passion for it has vanished, I want to put my energies elsewhere (who knows where that is) and I am wanting to vanish for more than a week....for a long time...it is sabbatical time....which I will do here at home once I get through the summer with all I have on my plate. I am tired. It is time out for Mary. I respect and honor your trek through all this. You are doing it well...more than well. Jane is smiling...

Peace

Mary

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Dear Mary,

Thanks. As I say, it was the right thing to do.

Tell me more about the magazine--what is its focus? I may have connections that might be interested. I've been in the journalism/publishing business a long time and have students with that background scattered hither and yon. There may be some of them that would be interested.

A sabbatical sounds good.

Peace,

Harry

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Thanks, Harry, but this is a VERY local publication focused on the arts primarily but also includes small business owners, people who contribute to the community, extends into history, healing etc. It is monthly, free and driven by ads. It has been a major hit since the first issue. Bill and I started it several years ago and it is at a place now that it would take a lot of energy to get it making decent money. I am at a point where I need a sabbatical (a huge time out) and do not choose to put energy into that. I am not certain where my passion is at this time...lots of ideas and some pretty clear thoughts that do not include publishing Voice (www.voiceoftherivervalley.com). It is a print and the pdf is on the web. It needs to go digital completely but that could kill it or it needs twice the ads that it gets. It has never been marketed as Bill was sick and I was dragging. I thank you for your inquiry regarding assisting in the sale but the person who takes it over must be a local. I will be rebuilding my practice but keep it very small. I probably will do some grief counseling down the road and am gathering some CEUs in that. Interested in therapy dogs for sure....sort of scattered and lost right now hence the sabbatical. Much needed. Bill and I had a busy life...we always had new ideas to try and tried them...e.g. moving to the mountains and starting a clinic there, buying an RV and doing the roads for 2 years, gutting a home and renovating it....we had fun but I am tired.Until later. Mary

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Good luck with it Mary, I do feel your tiredness and am glad you are taking some "me" time.

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