STARKISS Posted June 10, 2012 Report Share Posted June 10, 2012 hi all, i just want out of here now.... i can not stand it anymore....shelley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
niamh Posted June 10, 2012 Report Share Posted June 10, 2012 aw Shelley, I'm sorry things are SO SO bad for you. I don't know what to say, I can relate to wanting out often, just try to get through 1 single minute at a time. Sending you much love and a big hug, Niamh x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron B. Posted June 10, 2012 Report Share Posted June 10, 2012 Hi Shelley. All of us here have had to live through times of adversity. Grief taught us all about that. And the lessons are hard. I miss my parents so much, that I get shaken when I remember they are gone. But everybody eventually loses family, and none of us live forever. That's why life is so precious. We've got to care for the people still with us. Likewise with the people in these forums, who have guided each other through grief. We really do care. It's almost weird that few of us have ever met face to face, because the communication feels like we are talking to other family members. I have followed your story since I came to this site in 2009. I want you to know there is someone in my own extended family, who has suffered similar abuse from her father. She had years of great difficulty because of her trauma. Her response at first was to fall into severe drug abuse, and her life was broken. Then she went into rehab, and wow did she ever come out changed. She has been drug-free for 20 years, and has become the 'rock' of our family. She is now the 'go-to' person when family members have trouble. Her advice for my own troubles is sometimes beyond my comprehension at first, but almost always turns out to be right. I'm just trying to say that past trauma can make us stronger. I've seen this rebound in my own family. The suffering deepens our humanity, and can give us strength. Despite bad trauma, we survive and can establish a new foundation. I have trouble too, in that I also struggle with depression. My personal life is completely barren; no social life. No partner or companion, but I'm thinking about getting a cat. And the hardest thing for me is to keep up my morale from day to day. And I'll tell you what sustains me: it's my work. I have established my own business; I fetch and photograph documents for scholars. My work helps me feel connected to other people, and they value what I do. Likewise, if i remember correctly, you are working with children. I hope you are still doing this work, and that the children are a source of joy for you. So take heart! People here are rooting for you, and in no small way. Your successes matter to us when we read about them, and we are also dismayed when things don't go well for you. Keep up your morale in any way that you can! Use this grief site as much as you need; we are here to catch you when you feel down. Here's what made my day yesterday. A dove has been nesting in an apple tree right outside my front door. Sometimes she gets scared when I pass by, because I'm only 2 feet away from her nest when I pass. A few times she's flown out frantically. So I'm careful now. Yesterday I stuck my head in the tree. And I told her to watch out for rats, because rats will be coming to eat the apples at night. I didn't think she was even in the tree when I spoke. But when I finished speaking, there she was! About a foot away, wide-eyed looking directly at me. I think I have developed a trust with this young female dove. At least she tolerates me now. I hear cooing outside my front door everyday, and it sounds so beautiful. Be kind to yourself and stay healthy! Ron B. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted June 10, 2012 Report Share Posted June 10, 2012 Shelley, I read a couple days ago that therapy IS available for short term..3 months...A lot can happen in weekly sessions or twice a week for a 3 month period. I really really hope you will take advantage of that. These journeys are tough and we all need all the help we can get. I hope you will pick up the phone in the morning and schedule the first of your 3 month sessions. I am sorry you are hurting so much...truly sorry. Please take advantage of that therapy. Peace Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron B. Posted June 13, 2012 Report Share Posted June 13, 2012 Hi Shelley & everybody, Here's a photo of that dove in her nest. Ron B. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron B. Posted June 22, 2012 Report Share Posted June 22, 2012 And two baby doves! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted June 22, 2012 Report Share Posted June 22, 2012 What a miracle. That is a painting...think I might print it out. If I paint it, I will let you know. Thank you for sharing these tiny babies. Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STARKISS Posted June 27, 2012 Author Report Share Posted June 27, 2012 I WANT OUT THIS LIFE IS WAY TO ROUGH I WANT OUT THIS LIFE IS WAY TO ROUGH Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted June 27, 2012 Report Share Posted June 27, 2012 Shelley, dear, there is not a person among us who hasn't felt as you are feeling now. I understand your disappointment that the agency you contacted has a long waiting list. I encourage you to try other options, including Mary's suggestions posted here. This is also the time to tap into all the other methods of self-care that I know you've learned along the way, including guided imagery, walking outside and taking in the beauty of nature, seeking spiritual support (whether from a person or in articles and books), eating food that's good for you, drinking enough water, getting enough exercise and rest, doing something special for yourself (manicure, pedicure, massage, new hair style), and writing about exactly what is troubling you right now. You can do that privately in a journal, anonymously in a blog online, or you can do it here. We are here for you, and we are listening. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
niamh Posted June 28, 2012 Report Share Posted June 28, 2012 ((HUGS)) Shelley, I'm just so sorry and I know there;s no words to fix this for you, I just can relate, one second at a time love to you Niamh xo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
widower Posted July 12, 2012 Report Share Posted July 12, 2012 eating food that's good for you, drinking enough water, getting enough exercise and rest, I think these things are often overlooked and not appreciated for how important they really are. It's amazing to me the diff sometimes I can feel if I am not sleeping enough or eating poorly/etc. I urge people not to dismiss this as not being able to make a significant difference (which I have done more than once). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STARKISS Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 23, 2012 Hi All, As July 25th comes closer I am feeling really, really low again.. On July 25th is the day that my dad was diagnosed with cancer... It was a very fearful day for him and for me... He was in the hospital for over a month before they diagnosed him... He died one month later of cancer... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STARKISS Posted November 4, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 4, 2012 Hi All Just updated Marty with this news but I felt I should share it with all of you since you have been always there for me when I need it the most... I have found a new therapist and if everything works out it will be a more long term solution to all my problems... I see her this Monday and if I feel we match than I will see her weekly until we both come to the conclussion that I do not need a therapist any longer... Wish me luck and Thanks for always listening and being here for me... Lucky am I to have such wonderful website family as I do ... God Bless and I will post after my meeting with her... shelley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STARKISS Posted January 1, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 1, 2013 Hi All, I still want out, this past year has been really really hard... My family about 23 people got together for a get together but it was hard because my mom would have loved having all the family in one place... I miss you mom .. love you tons shelley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STARKISS Posted January 5, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 5, 2013 welll here it goes again, My brother has decided to sell his house... It is the house where Chelsea has been buried in... I can not believe I will never be able to sit by her grave and talk to her anymore... My family just does not understand why i am so upset about it all... shelley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted January 6, 2013 Report Share Posted January 6, 2013 Shelley, my dear, I'm so sorry. This reminds me of how I felt when we sold our home in New Jersey and we had to leave behind the graves of our beloved cockapoos, Muffin and Raisin. At the time, I found great comfort in this poem, and I hope it brings you some small measure of comfort, too: There is one best place to bury a dog. If you bury him in this spot, he will come to you when you call - come to you over the grim, dim frontier of death, and down the well-remembered path, and to your side again. And though you call a dozen living dogs to heel, they shall not growl at him, nor resent his coming, for he belongs there. People may scoff at you, who see no lightest blade of grass bent by his footfall, who hear no whimper, people who may never really have had a dog. Smile at them, for you shall know something that is hidden from them, and which is well worth the knowing. The one best place to bury a good dog is in the heart of his master. ~ Ben Hur Lampman, 1925 ~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STARKISS Posted January 6, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 6, 2013 Hi Marty, Thanks so much for sharing this peom with me... It helped me so very much and after receiving the scrapbook of pictures I can hold them close to my heart and remember my best friend in both worlds... Thanks again Marty it was just what I needed... shelley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted January 6, 2013 Report Share Posted January 6, 2013 ♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted January 6, 2013 Report Share Posted January 6, 2013 Amazing response. Amazing poem...a keeper. Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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