More Loss Now To Deal With

[mik]

I am here again...for those who responded that I needed to be careful on beginning a new realtionship. I am sorry I didnt take your words to heart. I sit here now in pain again. I started a realtionship..and open realtionship. It has ended. He ended it. He was not honest with me. That is not what is going on now..though I feel the loss of that relationship...the real pain is that it opened up all the feelings I had losing Dragon. It is as though this three month relationship is as painful for me as losing the true love of my life. All the feelings are the same and it is impossible. How could they be? I feel like it has opened up all the old wounds. The intensity is so great..out of porportion for the time spent and the involvment with this last individual. I can seem to get a grip on things, I am depressed, lonley, want to connect again with someone...it is as though no time has passed since Dragon passed. Is it possible to transfer feelings to a new person then after a three month relationship. It feels the same, pain as you felt when you lost the love of your life??? It does not make any sense to me. I am so down I can barely get anything done around the house..I cant eat...I cant sleep...this is such a step backwards for me and I caused it. I am so tired of crying and now have to cry all over again for this new loss..I feel afraid again, anxious...why oh why did I start again....? This is the same relationship that I intially broke off...I went back and swe started again (see previous post) Dam, I need my head examined!

Mik (Kim)

[kayc]

Kim,

I'm sorry...you may have transferred your feelings, or all of the hopes, dreams, etc. that you lost when you lost dragon. But the truth is, even if you didn't, feeling one loss can cause remembered pain from an old loss and open the wound up all over again, this time compounded, particularly if you hadn't fully dealt with the original grief entirely.

You aren't foolish for wanting to love again...I've been there, and I know it hurts, but nothing ventured, nothing gained. The trouble in my case is I've tried too many times to want to go there again. You're still young, sometimes that makes a difference...the thought of going 50 years alone seems more daunting than 20. There's no way to circumvent the pain though, but to go straight through it. I promise you, you will get over this guy, and you will be okay. The fact that you even tried tells me a lot about your desire to survive!

(((hugs)))

Kay

[mik]

Thank you Kay

It is so hard...I feel like I take one step forward and three back. I long for somone to be with. I thought perhaps this new relationship had a lot of potential, now I am so down I dont know what to do. But thank you for your words. Sigh..this is all I can do these days.

Kim

[Lina]

*gentle hugs* I am so sorry. I agree with you...the fact that you spent so much time talking to this new guy about Dragon means you are not ready. I know I am not ready. I can not go more then a brief period of time before I start talking about Arthur. I think I need to get to the point where I feel that I am ENOUGH. No other man will ever replace Arthur, so until I can love someone for themselves and not as an attempt to find someone to fill in for my beloved...well I guess I need to wait a while. That has not been easy. I did have someone who told me he was interested in dating me. I talked to him online for a while before I realized how very unready I am. *Hugs*

I am sending lots of prayers, positive thoughts and love your way.

[kayc]

Lina, I am there...I am enough, I am okay by myself. It took me enough time, I went through some hard places, but I'm okay. I do get lonely sometimes...I say sometimes because sometimes I love being by myself with my dog. They'll probably have to carry me out in a hand basket when my dog goes, but hopefully that's be quite a few years yet. Even then, I've learned that loss is part of life, that it has it's phases, you enjoy what is, you grieve what you lost, and you keep going.

Kim, It'll get better but gosh darn if it doesn't take time. I hate the waiting for time to pass, I'm impatient, I remember wanting it to be better NOW!!!