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My Daddy


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It's been 5 years since I lost my Father (I'm sure I entered the wrong info on my page!)

I was always closer to my Dad than my Mum growing up, a real Daddy's girl.

He was such a Larrikin (slang for a lovable mischievous person.) Always laughing or trying to make other people laugh, always trying to cheer people up and always up for a drink.

He fought cancer for years, ever since I was 8, in fact. Since then I've been in and out of hospital to see my Dad. It never really bothered me because Dad would always have some antic ready to cheer me up. He especially loved to playfully flirt with the Nurses, who all laughed at his nonsense, no matter how stern they looked!

When I was in year 10 (15yo) Dad took a turn for the worse. At the end of the year the doctors decided that he should go in for Radiation Therapy (despite my Dad being 74 years old!) Since my Mum was a little daunted by the task of taking Dad to Royal Brisbane (a good hour away) I would take a few Fridays off school to guide him to the Hospital using public transport. I assured everyone and myself, that my school work wouldn't suffer as a result and since I seemed to be taking the news well everyone believed me, even I did for a while.

Unfortunately, Dad would be very disorientated after his treatment and this scared me. He began to loose weight and had more trouble breathing.

I began to worry constantly. Losing whatever little interest I had at school and, despite my reassurances, got straight C's and was put into Non OP (kind of like remedial classes) for my senior years. This, to my horror, disappointed my Dad.

Then the next year, I was pulled out of my English class to go visit Dad in Hospital.

That visit scared the absolute crap out me, he was turning yellow, his lips blue and taking short shallow breaths. I tearfully said my goodbyes and went home, only to get the dreaded phone call, at precisely 3:30 pm.

It saddens me that that is my most recent vivid memory of my Dad. He would not have wanted that.

Okay, now that that is off my chest, I feel better.

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HI Random,

Thanks for your post. Even I can see and learn from your dad since he was such a fighter. To be smiling and joking in the face of debilitation and despair shows the courage that we all can aspire to. I am sure that you will imbibe his spirit and courage to face every circumstance be it the last time you saw him or any other situation in life , studies or general with the same smiling spirit.

Take care,

Kavish

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Dear Random,

I am so very sorry you have this pain now. I wish there were words to comfort you. You have come to the right place for there are many people who have experienced the loss of a father. Pictures can leave us with mixed images and I'm so sorry that your vivid memory is such a painful one. Believe me, you will find the courage you need to move through this grief of yours. There are people who can guide you through this grief journey. It seems like you have begun by finding this site. Know that there are many here who have learned the art of listening. enna

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