Today Was 5 Months

[Guest babylady]

since my beloved john passed. tomorrow would have been our 41st wedding anniversary.

i don't know what to say. i feel like i've said it all. i cry for hours, i sleep as much as i can. the later i sleep -- the shorter the day.

this morning he walked passed my bed wearing a turquoise short sleeve t-sheet. it was brief, but very real. he knew i liked that color. about an hour ago i heard him sniffle. he had a habit of doing that.

hugs to all of you for being here for me.

arlene

[Wifflesnook]

Oh Arlene he must be near you. I wish this would happen to me. Yesterday I had a visitor. A friend who has a very significant rational background. We got talking about many things and after a time i confided in him how I had become very spiritual and a searcher for proof of another life. At first I sensed he thought I was just a wishful thinker (would have been my reaction before I lost Pete). But then he to.d me a story of his father, who sensed a figure standing behind him, a woman, who told him "don't worry, you have until 1989". And I think that is when he died (not sure of that). Anyway I said to Tony,this friend "did he rationalise it away afterwards?". "Oh no, even though he had never believed in anything like that it made a big impression on him"

I have found since Pete died that just about everyone has had some experience they can't explain, or knows someone really well who has. They don't talk about it unless meeting someone like me. These things are fleeting and don't seem to happen often but they are to be cherished. Clearly you are in a state of heightened awareness being o very very sad so maybe it's easier to get near to you?

We put then clocks back last night so I was awake even earlier than usual!

[Guest babylady]

jan -- i had my first experience with spirtits in 1967. i had recently separated from my first husband and had moved into a railroad room apartment. shortly after every night i sensed the presence of someone standing in the doorway near my bedroom. it didn't frighten me. i felt like it was watching over me. then i realized that my god father had passed a few months earlier. it was my first experience with losing someone and i took it very badly. so i think it was him. i had some other strange phenomena happen over the years -- like not being able to find my lipstick -- dumping out my handbag searching for it and then the next day it would be there. i could go on about these little incidences.

around '74 i started reading about edgar cayce and became very interested in metaphysics and reincarnation. i met john in '70 and told him about some of my experiences. he was skeptical until he experienced a few things. by that time we had moved to another apartment.

in the early 80s we both started studying with spiritual teachers. i studied with suzane and he was with joseph. they didn't know each other. eventually i studied with joseph too.

i was having lots of visits from spirits around that time. sometimes i felt like there were many people in my room at night. by this time we were in another apartment. when john's dad passed we were at the funeral home and john's daughter started to cry. i took her into the little waiting room and tried to tell her that poppy wasn't really gone. all of a sudden a strong cold draft came in from the window. the other people in the room felt it too. a few days after the funeral i was home alone (john was visiting his mom) and the smell from the funeral home came into my living room. it was the smell of all the flowers -- very strong.

i used to feel my grandmother's presence too and several times my grandfather appeared to me -- it was not pleasant -- it was the way he looked when he was close to death. i realized he might be asking for my forgiveness even though when he passed we were on better terms. he could be very mean. he was an alcoholic. it finally stopped.

we attended several seances back in new york conducted by suzane -- most in my apartment -- and strange things would happen before and after. one time there was a lipstick print on my bathroom mirror. i had a 1/2 bath off my bedroom and no one at the seance went in there.

when john passed i contacted suzane for a reading which was done by phone. i think i wrote about it. my dad was there but didn't speak. my mom was there and thanked me for taking care of her -- said she knew had hard it was for me. and then there was john -- suzane said he was with a younger man which i'm assuming was my son who had passed in '07. john had lots to say. said he had been around me which i knew. i was crying one night because i kept thinking of how he looked after he passed. i got there 20 minutes after and his mouth was partially open and he was still warm. i got in bed with him. i kept seeing that image so on this particular night he appeared to me full face with a smile and a little tuft of hair sticking up (his hair tended to do that). i had also been getting strange phenomena with my computer. i have 2 pf them -- one is turned off -- it's my backup and i'd hear little clicking noises from it. also my printer would change from copy to "fax ready". he was a computer guy. he said during the reading that he had been around me. he was very talkative and even joking with suzane. he had a dry sense of humor. said how he arranged everything that i would be taken care of financially. she also said that my mom and his mom were there to help him into the next world.

there have been a few other instances which i won't go into, but this morning was very interesting especially wearing the shirt that i liked. and tonight was the sniffle. i kind of turned around and smiled but of course then i started to cry again.

i shouldn't be up -- i was sleeping and woke up and couldn't get back to sleep -- that happens sometimes. it's 2:25 am here.

hugs to you.

arlene

[enna]

Good Morning,

You are in my thoughts, Arlene. Five very short/long months. We are on the waves, aren't we? You have had many experiences with spirits. I have not. I carry my Jim in my heart knowing that he is ever present. This is what I believe. I see nothing, hear nothing but I know he is with me. We will continue to cry, laugh, and go about the business of living for that is what we have to do. You are in my heart. Happy sunning on your side of the state. Your view from the house is really breathtaking. I love the mountains, I like hiking Camel Back and the White Tanks. I take all the shorter walks now. Enjoy these most beautiful months we are entering into. Anne

[missing him]

I'm so sorry Arlene. I think that is great that you see him. I wish I did. I had a few dreams after he passed but I do feel him around me. Sometimes it is stronger than other times. This is so hard. It doesn't seem to be getting easier for me either. The 4th will be 6 months for me and it still feels like it just happened. I don't know how to go on without him. I have no interests/hobbies. He was my life. If it wasn't for our dogs, I don't know where I would be. I cry all the time still. I am broken. Thinking of you. Missing Him

[kayc]

Sometimes I'm glad some things happen that we can't explain, because it shows us there's something bigger than just us, it helps us believe BEYOND ourselves and our finite perceptions.

[Guest babylady]

seeing john makes me feel a bit better, but it doesn't help with the grief. i want him here with me -- not in the spirit world, but the universe had different plans.

yes anne, we're on the same waves. 2 days difference, right? yes my views are wonderful. this property was a rare find.

[Guest babylady]

Missing Him

i've had quite a few dreams too. i have no interests or hobbies either. i have my cat and that keeps me going.

it's nice that you feel him around you. i cry all the time too. don't know what to do with the rest of my life. i do what i have to do and that's it. i sleep a lot -- makes the days shorter. as soon as i get up i start crying. if i try to hold back the tears my heart starts beating real fast -- like i'm going to have a panic attack.

sending you hugs,

arlene

[Guest babylady]

Sometimes I'm glad some things happen that we can't explain, because it shows us there's something bigger than just us, it helps us believe BEYOND ourselves and our finite perceptions.

exactly.