Honoring Everyday Heroes

[ANC1117]

Last Saturday I attended the donor luncheon to "Honor Everyday Heroes". My daughter Ciara was going to join me and at the last moment was scheduled to work, so I went alone. We had originally planned to attend a workshop on "scrap booking memories". I decided to change it and attended a workshop on loosing a spouse and another on journaling. I knew it was going to be an emotional day; when at sign-in they handed out packets of tissue. The workshops were very helpful and the lunch was very tasty. During the day, on a huge screen above the stage, they showed all the donors pictures along with their names. To see Celene's picture on the big screen brought joy to my heart and some tears to my eyes. After lunch they passed out a book with all the donors from the past year. On each page, along with the picture, was a brief testimony written by family and/or friends of the donor. I wrote the one for Celene a few months back and when I read it Saturday, I teared up as if it was the first time I had read it. Then they called a family member from each donor to come receive an award certificate to honor each donor. The day was emotionally draining to say the least.

Since Celene's passing I have worn my wedding band and on that morning I took it off and placed it on my chain; the same chain that has a dolphin that carries a bit of Celene's ashes. I had tried to remove my wedding ring a time before and could not bare the feeling that came over me. That Saturday morning was no different and throughout the morning I kept rubbing my finger where the ring once sat. During a break between workshops, a volunteer came up to me and we began to talk. She asked if I was waiting for someone and I told her I was there alone. As we talked, I mentioned that the donor who I was there to recognize was my Celene. I mentioned how I removed the wedding ring just that morning. She asked me why and I told her how emotional I would get whenever someone asked about my wife, and how they would apologize when the explained that seeing my wedding ring made them ask. The volunteer asked me if I felt I was ready to place my ring on a chain and explained that I really wasn't ready. She explained that showing emotions and talking about my Celene was a good form of healing. She also stated that if it made me feel comfort in wearing my wedding band then continue to do what feels right, that my heart will know when the time feels right. So I am wearing my wedding band as I type this and it does bring some comfort to my heart.

Here is the passage I wrote in "Remembering Everyday Heroes" book for Celene:

Celene Ann Scopellite

All the love you gave as a wife, mother, daughter, and sister will be missed by us all.

You will remain in our minds as we recall the many lives you touched with your overwhelming helpfulness.

You will forever bring joy to our souls as we picture your smile and hear your laughter.

The wag of a dog's tail, or the purr in a cat's meow, will remind us of your passion for animals.

Your words will echo always as the voice of the of the silent.

Your dreams will live in our hearts.

~Your loving husband,family and friends

[mfh]

This is a very moving post and I hope you are so proud of yourself for attending this event, reading what you wrote and going alone. I totally agree with the person who helped you replace your wedding ring. We must do these things (remove rings, clear closets and more) only when and if we are ready. As long as it comforts you that ring is there to stay. You will know when and if you wish to remove it.

Bill died 2.5 years ago. I not only wear my ring but I also wear his, both on my ring finger of my left hand. I do not plan to take it off...ever. As far as I am concerned we are still one. Others do differently and that is exactly what each one of us needs to do...whatever comforts us.

Celine sounds like an incredible woman and I know it tears your heart out that she is no longer with you physically. I understand that pain. My eyes fill up just writing this. You are in my heart, broken as it is. Everyone here is in my heart.

Peace,

Mary

[enna]

Hi Anthony,

What a special day you had. How very brave that you went alone. I really liked the message you wrote to Celene. I know how much you miss Celene - you always will - and I'm very glad that you still have the wedding ring on. I wear my band and it will stay on my finger also. Isn't it strange how people come into our lives and just know what to say?! Yes, your heart will know what to do. You are in my thoughts. Thank you for sharing this with us. Anne

[kayc]

Anthony, I am so proud of you for attending that by yourself. I think each step we take helps us further along in our journey and in dealing with our loss. I wish I could wear my wedding band but alas it was causing a callous (it's wide and too tight) and I had to take it off because I didn't want it to reach the point where it'd have to be cut off. It is platinum with yellow gold trim and they told me they can't resize it w/o a seam so I've decided to keep it as it is as I want to pass it down to my daughter when I die, and George's to my son. They know what the rings mean to me and the value they carry in my heart and life.