Alone In The World

[Mgotti]

I am Marcia. 39 years old. I lost my dad when I was 5 years old. My mom died April 5, 2011 after two very long sick years of battling COPD. My life since then has been nothing but a fog. Nothing makes sense anymore. I wake up sad. Go through my day sad. Look forward to nothing but sleep and go to bed sad. I have 6 siblings. None of which I am close to. They're all crazy in their own way (Not that I'm not). My husband is a good man. Supports me, loves me. Kids are great, couldn't ask for better. Yet all I want to do is die. And leave the hurt of life behind. I have made an appointment with a counselor, but they can't get me in until December 10th. I am hoping this website will help me get by until then. I am lost. I don't know if what I am feeling is normal or if I am experiencing what they call "complicated grief". I just don't know. I feel like I will never be happy again, and can't imagine living another 40 years like this. The pain is overwhelming.

[Strength & Orchids]

Oh my goodness I shouldn't have tried replying using my mobile phone, I'll get back to you soon as I get home!

[MartyT]

Dear Marcia, you say you don't know if what you're experiencing is normal or "complicated grief." I think what matters is not whatever label you place on it, but rather that you had the courage to seek the support of a professional counselor. Given the degree of pain you describe, however, I am concerned that you have nearly a month to wait before that happens. I applaud you for reaching out to the good people on this wonderful site, and certainly we are here for you ~ but you might consider making an appointment with your doctor as well, to rule out any other causes for your symptoms and to evaluate your need for any medication that may help to tide you over.

You might also find it helpful to do some reading about what is normal in grief, to help you better understand what you may be thinking and feeling:

What Is Complicated Grief? (including the Related Articles and Resources listed at the foot of the article)

Common Myths and Misconceptions about Grief (including the Related Articles listed at the foot of the article)

[Kavish]

Hi Marcia,

I am glad for you that you have a loving family and a husband who supports you. You are going to get through with your positiveness that the pain will dull and your heart will fill up again with love and compassion. You are trying and your being here is one proof amongst others you do for your self and your family. Your mom or your dad would not want to see you buckle but buckle up.

Have faith,

Kavish

[Strength & Orchids]

Hi Marcia,

I'm sorry about the odd reply yesterday, my phone browser was just not working right.

Im 22, I'm an only child and I lost my mum when I was 3 years old. My grandma helped me grow from the loss and even though it has been very difficult growing up without a mother, I try to remember that she would want me to take the positive from this and she wouldn't want me to drown in this. From time to time I feel miserable and I want her to be here for the milestones in my life (like a mother is supposed to be) but then I tell myself that surely she must be happy when I am happy.

My father still suffers from complicated grief and I understand that he lost his partner, but it's been 19 years..and I wish that he was more available for me. He can't seem to move on from it; he doesn't want to look for love again, his health is being negatively affected and he has cut himself off socially. He lives quite a negative lifestyle and with age and I don't see him making any kind of changes to it. You however still have time..!

I would first like to say that I so admire your ability to even try talking to a counsellor, let alone us strangers about your troubles. That itself is the first step that most grievers can not bring themselves to take. I also suggest using your wonderful family as motivation to try your hardest to bring yourself out of this. Sometimes in my mind I shout at my dad "Just because mama died doesn't mean you're dead too!" (even though I don't have the heart to tell him this out loud). I would hate for your family to think that horrible thought about you. We women bring the emotional strength to a family and you must believe that through talking about your loss and remembering your parents in a positive way, the pain of their passing will fade. You can make your parents proud and in a way keep them with you in your heart by being a wonderful parent to your children.

I have faith that you will come out of this. As you can see we're all here for a chat when you need it