zeeks Posted December 9, 2012 Report Share Posted December 9, 2012 I found out what I already knew the other day. Why could I have not been the one to die instead of my Roger? He was loved by all, better equipped to deal with troubles, calm, patient . I found out that he was the only reason people loved or acted as if they cared for me. That I was a thorn in everyones side. My life has lost all meaning, I used to have a routine and trying to raise the girls with love and understanding. But my son and his wife moved in and now I no longer have a room, or control over the home.... I do not smoke in the house, they do regardless of the rules, I am undermined at every turn, and my granddaughter to whom her grandfather and I have raised since birth was told how he hated me since my husband got him when his mother died. Also that he has told me on numerous occasions how if it were not for the girls he would have erased me from his life after his dad died. I know there is some mental troubles and have tried to overlook all this... but the fact is I can't anymore and the girls hurt because of it. one seems to want to ignore the issue , the younger one componsates and over loves me. The holidays are a bust and the older ones birthday is 2 days after Christmas. I do not know whether I can hang on to see to it her birthday goes as well as the younger ones did... all i know is I want to cease from being here, or on earth. I guess realize the older one will survive without me, but not the younger one anymore, and I used to think it was the other way around. Parents love you because they bore us... but I feel mine do not or could never like me... there is a difference between loving because of biology and liking the person. No one ever liked me for me but Roger, thought my babies(grandaughters) did... but evidently my depression and anxiety shine through and now it appears like i anm truly alone. Sorry, just needed to vent where no one really has any emotional connection. Sorry if I depressed anyone anymore than they already were... I mean no harm. I can't cry because it feeds the fuel for more taunts and ridicule... I am stuck and hurt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!Register a new account
Already have an account? Sign in here.Sign In Now