It Does Get Better & I Can Now Laugh At My Dad

[LisaAnnB]

Next week on the 26th will be 3 months since Dad's death. That first month I didn't think I'd survive the grief. The second I discovered I could- even with Christmas being the day before the 2month mark & not as many tears as I expected.

Now I can actually laugh at some of the memories of our family & wonder why did Dad do some of the things he did. Or even laugh at wondering why did he take so many photos of deer, elk & mountains & then make 3 copies of each photo? The same elk! Really Dad? I know he had a story to tell about them but I can look towards the heavens & imagine him looking down on me & laughing & thinking "the joke's on her now."

i've been given the job of going through & sorting through the thousands of photos of 63 years of Mom & Dad's life [Dad died at 4 am on Oct. 26 & they celebrated their 63rd wedding anniversary on the 25th]. So I'm getting to relive many aspects of my Dad's life from these pictures. Took me these 2 1/2 months before I could look at any of him alone without crying but now I see them & smile though there are sometimes tears in my eyes but they don't always fall down my face. He was so vibrant and handsome & strong & amazing. After these months my brother, who lives near Mom & Dad's house, says even after this time the family gets 3 or 4 cards from people for Dad & we've been told there are hundreds of masses being said in Dad's memory.

I do get frustrated by my friends who seem to think that since I'm going about my life like [they think] I used to that I'm over my grief & I no longer feel a loss which we all know is a complete falsity-the loss never goes away, we just get better at masking it. I just don't grieve publicly anymore-since that does make people uncomfortable & me too. Besides, I can hear Dad's voice "hey now, it's ok. I'm ok. You'll be ok. Mom will be ok. Hang tight for her now, she needs you." I can still hear his voice-I'm afraid I'll forget that someday and that, plus the feel of his hand over mine, is what I'm afraid of losing the most.

BUT there are good things that came of all this. My dream since i was 10 has been to have something I've written be ready by people outside my community. Yes, I have a weekly newspaper column for my local paper & I"m proud of it. Since my parents were often a main topic of those columms Dad would mail copies of it to all his friends ["Look what my kid did again this week"] & like when my siblings & i were young, they'd go up on the fridge. But thanks my new friend Marti here something I wrote after Dad's death has (hopefully) been read by more than just some newspaper readers and I know Papa is giving me a thumbs up over it. Guess he's still providing my inspiration.

Edited January 18, 2013 by MartyT
Link to article added ♥

[kayc]

I am sorry you lost your dad. Your friends just don't get it because they haven't been through what you are going through. Sure, some of them may have lost a parent, but not all losses are the same...some people are not close to their parents and not all parents are good ones so the grief is different in each loss. It sounds like you had a great relationship with your dad so it's going to hit you harder.

I hope your siblings don't expect the sorting through pictures to be quick, this is a herculean task! My mom is in a Dementia Care Facility and the house needed cleaned out so it could be put up for sale to pay for her care, so my little sister grabbed the pictures and went through them. She made some copies for each of us and kept the rest. It was probably easier now than it would have been later when she's gone.

You are right, it does get easier to cope with in time. You are learning already what it took me a long time to learn (with my husband's passing), that we can keep them inside of us and they will give us smiles and inspiration...in the beginning all I felt was pain and loss.

I'm glad you had such a great relationship with your dad and it's good to know he was proud of you.