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LisaAnnB

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About LisaAnnB

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    Advanced Member

Previous Fields

  • Date of Death
    October 26 2012
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    NA

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  • Location (city, state)
    Columbus
  1. Thanks. I want her to continue to have happy thoughts about that day & their lives together, especially as she knows the next day will mark the day she lost her husband. While her short term memory is the same as a gold fish due to the dementia her long term memory is wonderful & she remembers him following her home from school & asking her out, even. We will be with her the next day when we go up to honor & remember Dad by taking Mom out for dinner, then to the cemetary & to Mass where they'll be saying a special mass in memory of Dad.
  2. My question tonight is: when a spouse [my Dad] dies do you continue to celebrate their wedding anniversary with the surviving spouse? Dad died less than 12 hrs after he & mom "celebrated" their 63rd wedding anniversary. Do we get Mom an anniversary card or just one saying "thinking of you'? We'll be going up there to be with her on the 26th & honor Dad as a family but I"m so used to automatically buying an anniversary card for her. Didn't see this question in any of the grief protocol pamphlets we received.
  3. My daughter got engaged on Valentine's Day. So many mixed emotions: happy for them, anxiety about what a wedding will involve with all the ex'es in the group & finances, sadness about her no longer being my baby but a wife & most of all sadness that Dad won't be here to see it. Allie was his favorite grandchild & he & Mom helped me raise her until I got married & he always promised Allie that he would dance with her at her wedding just like he did with me at mine. Now he won't be there to dance with her. And I'm afraid that with Mom's dementia progressing that she won't rem
  4. Kay, how horrible that it happened to you. You're right to feel violated-you were. And i agree that it seems like incidents & having to delete things from our loved ones lives feels like they're being more & more removed from us. That sucks. [[[[[[hugs]]]]]]
  5. Since Dad's passing I've become fascinated with what Heaven is like. I was reading "The Lovely Bones" the week of his death & I like the books version of heaven-that it's your favorite places & things you might not have had on earth & there are different areas you can go & jobs you do. I imagine Dad up there with my 4 yr old sister, in an area with lakes and mountains & trees, log cabins & lots of horses & 3-wheelers to ride. Dad's dream was to have a horse farm & go to Alaska. His favorite things to do was to travel up to Vancouver or out West with friends
  6. I agree Fae, I've come to look to Marty first for advice & guidance. I would be worse off than I am if it wasn't for her. Last night after I got my crying out in the shower, I went down & told my husband all that I've been feeling lately. He held me & let me sob or & then yell for over an hour. He lost his Dad 25 yrs ago so he's had experience with it & now has lost my Dad who became a surrogate father to him so i felt so bad for making him sad again. He was furious at our friend who told me to get over it & is worried about medications since his ex wife became add
  7. Thank you Marty & KayC & annette. I do understand that it might be hard for my friends-they're used to me being one way & then suddenly I've changed & they've never experienced a death of a parent. I don't think I've necessarily changed for the worse-I do feel more compassion towards those I know who are going through this too & utter gratitude for the people who have been kind to me or my family during this time. I write a weekly article for our local newspaper for the arts council/art gallery I run & I mentioned my parents a lot [they were wonderful inspiration]. A c
  8. So, how do I know if it's just grief or depression? I can't believe that in all the crap I've gone through in my life where I SHOULD have become depressed & didn't but THIS knocks me on my behind.......If tears are good for cleaning out the soul then my body should be very clean by now. I can't even post on here without tearing up. And with the progression of Mom's dementia I'm afraid it might get worse.
  9. I was so proud of myself for getting a handle on my grief over Dad's death a couple months ago. But lately I'm mired down in deep sadness. Lots of tears every night & even at random times such as driving home. Music really sets me off-Dad & Mom loved it. My Mom is still alive but temporarily living with my sisters in Texas until we can decide what to do with her when she gets back north-she has dementia that is progressing quickly. I was a total Dad's girl & he was one of my best friends. I live less than an hour from Mom & Dad; have always lived within a couple hours so I
  10. My family has suffered another sad death this week: my 62 year old cousin passed away yesterday from mestatic breast cancer-her 3rd fight with breast cancer. It's so sad because of how hard she fought to beat it 3 times. We come from a very large clan & her family are all like siblings to my family. Friday I had called her sister to tell her I'd be up this coming Saturday to bring a shoe box of photos of their family & our other cousins, I'd found while sorting all Mom & Dad's so her & her sister & other family could enjoy them while Denise was still alive. She said Denise
  11. I agree with KayC-your parents are together sharing their day. I'm sure every day is a special day for you to remember them, some more special than others but I'm not sure you want to forget those days, do you? Even with the pain the memories you have from past days should help it not hurt as much? good luck with the hypno therapist-hope it can bring some relief.
  12. Next week on the 26th will be 3 months since Dad's death. That first month I didn't think I'd survive the grief. The second I discovered I could- even with Christmas being the day before the 2month mark & not as many tears as I expected. Now I can actually laugh at some of the memories of our family & wonder why did Dad do some of the things he did. Or even laugh at wondering why did he take so many photos of deer, elk & mountains & then make 3 copies of each photo? The same elk! Really Dad? I know he had a story to tell about them but I can look towards the heavens & im
  13. Shelley: sending you lots of big hugs right now. People probably do care what's going on but they might be having a hard time showing it & may be afraid to do the wrong thing so they show/do nothing, which isn't right because I'm sure that right now even a hug or a kind word would be good for you. Does anyone ask about her? Ask you to share memories about her [are you ready to do that because it might be tough to do so]? Share you favorite memory of her with me/us here-I'd love to read them. Even a small one might be a start such as tell me/us 1 of your favorite Christmas memories with
  14. My Dad passed away on October 26, 2012. 9 weeks ago. Yesterday, New Year's Day at 1:30 AM, was the first time I was able to finally look at photos of him & smile-a big accomplishment for me as I have cried each & every time I see his photo. I think I was even able to tell a memory of him without crying. I've been given the job/honor of sorting through the many many many shoe boxes of photos my parents had taken & collected in the 63 yrs they were married. When I'd get to ones with Him in it I'd have to turn the photo upside down & put in a separate pile to scan onto the co
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