I Moved To Japan The Day After My Friend Died.

[fergiezoecaasi]

My freshman year of highschool, my friend, Bernadette, died on December 15, 2006, and I moved to Japan on December 16, 2006. I moved because my dad is in the military. My friend Bernadette just turned 15 that year, and I was 14 years old. I was in Japan for 3 years, and I moved back to Virginia Beach July 18, 2009 .

It's been six years after her death, but.. it still bothers me. Im sad that I didn't get to attend the funeral. I wish I stayed after she died, so I could have gone to the funeral. When I was in Japan, I didn't tell anyone about her because I couldn't say "Im im the new kid, my friend just died". I didn't get therapy when I was in Japan because my parents don't believe in therapy.

Now that I'm 20 years old, I started to join the loss and support grief group in my college, there's only been 3 of us for the past month, it started last month. the counselor, this other girl, and me. A new guy came just last week, so i guess there's 4 of us now.

I've been told I have delayed grieving. Im wondering.. how long.. will it take, until idk, i feel better. My grades havent been great either.

My friend who died, she had all A's but she didn't live long enough to have a carreeer, so i think whats the point of studying if I might die young.

I also started seeing an individual counselor in august. So, i think im close to closure... but i still feell .. hurt. Idk.

[MartyT]

My dear friend, I'm so very sorry that you lost your high school friend to death, and at at a time when you were so young. How painful this must have been for you, especially when you were half a world apart and unable to share that pain with anyone who knew her, who understood your closeness, and would understand the enormity of your loss. I'm pleased to learn that you're seeing a counselor and are part of an on-campus in-person grief support group, and I hope you will continue that. This feeling of "what's the point?" is not at all unusual in grief, because the death of someone we love dearly truly does force us to confront and question everything we thought we believed was true. Remember that grief is a process, not a single event, and it takes time and effort to work through it and come to terms with it. You are on the right track, by seeking the support of counseling and placing yourself with others who've also lost a loved one. I think it also helps to do some reading about what is normal in grief and what you can do to manage your own reactions. That will help you feel less crazy and alone.

I encourage you to scroll through some of the links you'll find on these pages of my Grief Healing website:

Articles by Marty Tousley

Articles by Other Authors

and see especially these blog posts:

Voices of Experience: Delayed Grief

Teen Misses Uncle's Visitation and Funeral

[kayc]

I'm sorry you experienced such a deep loss at such a young age and were unable to get help for it at the time, but I'm sure glad you have found help for yourself now. There is a reason we have grief support groups and bereavement counselors, it's not something easily traversed! When you are more at peace with it I'm sure your grades will make their way up again. At least you are on the right path!

[fergiezoecaasi]

Thank you both for the support and advice. I will be looking through the links.