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Only 18 And Lost An Angel.

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I'm 18 years old. I got preganent prom night when I was 17. For a little while I had a feeling I was pregnant but didn't no for sure. I gained some weight and had a little belly going. My friends said I looked pregnant. I used to take a shower and talk to her and hold my belly. I would rub my belly as I went to sleep and sing her a song. I loved her but I was also scarred which is why I didn't take a pregnancy test for a long time. I didn't no what my boyfriends reaction would be.

When I was pregnant I was working in a resturant as a busser and hostess. Constantly picking up heavy bins full of dishes ans heavey menus. Then I told my boyfriend he was scarred but thrilled at the same tjme and promised to stay with me and support me and love our baby. He used to rub my belly n smile. My little baby bump was so cute. Then two days after my birthday I I was at work ( a differnt job I got at the airport ) I was the bag girl that day lifting heavy bags and putting them onto rhe conver belt and pushing wheel chairs. 3 hours inro my day I got this horrible ppain in my stomach and my (you know) ... I went to the bathroom to throw up and then I felt a rush of liqued come nto my pants. It was blood. I couldnt control the bleeding i tried wearing a tampon and pad to just get threw the work day but i coulsnt i kept bleeding threw and i was in so much pain. I calldd my boyfriend . He broaght me to shoprite got me some panera bread bean soup and drove me to the emergency room. From there we waited for two hours judt for a room. The nurse helped me and cleaned me up while my boyfriend sat next to me on the bed holding my hand and tlking me threw everything. He sheilded my n eyes and held my hands when they took blood...

My boyfriend went out to have a ciggarette and the doctor came back saying that I am okay but the baby is gone. I held the baby in my hamd and cried. Just the sizeof my palm the baby was so small. So helpless and it was all my fault that the baby ddidn't live. I went snd got dressed my boyfriend came back and I told him. He held me and let me cry in his arms. We lost a baby that thursday. The next wwek I got a tattoo saying "an angel wrote my babys name I n the book of life and replied too beautiful for earth" my boyfriend got the same tattoo . Well never forget out angel. I cry everynight thinking about her. Idk how to get threw it. But thathat's my story.

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Dear One, your story touches my heart. It must seem as if all your hopes and dreams have died along with your baby girl, and I am so sorry.

You say you don’t know how to get through this, and I will tell you what I would tell any young mother whose baby has died: You get through it with all the knowledge, understanding and support you can find.

You don’t say what if any support you have around you, or whether you’re still in school, still at home with your parents or living with your boyfriend. And the way you describe what happened in the Emergency Department, it doesn’t sound as if you got much support from the healthcare staff, much less a referral to any community resources. It’s as if you’ve been cast adrift in the middle of the ocean with no land in sight. No wonder you’re feeling lost.

In addition to the physical and emotional issues anyone would face following a miscarriage (see, for example Silent Grief: Pregnancy and Infant Loss), your grief may be complicated by difficulties unique to teens. The guilt you are feeling (“it was all my fault that the baby died”) is one example; there are many others, including a lack of understanding and support from parents and peers, or dealing with the insensitive comments you are bound to hear from others. Because this may be your first experience with significant loss, you may feel very isolated and alone.

Where to begin?

I suggest that you contact your primary care physician to ask for a referral to a local obstetrician, whose office should have a list of whatever pregnancy loss resources are available in your community. (Doing this research might be a good assignment for your boyfriend, if he is willing ~ or maybe it’s something you could do together.)

Do some reading about pregnancy loss, so you’ll both have a better understanding of what you are going through and why you are feeling as you are.

See especially this article, which lists some very helpful links at its base:

Teen Pregnancy Loss – by Elizabeth Czukas, RN, MSN, a labor and delivery nurse who works with women undergoing pregnancy loss at all stages of pregnancy. Here she discusses the issues specific to teens who’ve suffered pregnancy loss, and points the reader to additional reading and resources.

You might also consider finding an online community specifically aimed at teens coping with miscarriage, e.g.:

Teenage Pregnancy Loss Support -- The founder of this site lost her daughter to miscarriage as a teenage mother of 17. She lists a number of websites she found helpful, and invites visitors to email her “if you need someone to talk to, question or just ‘vent’.” Email: ellichoc@hotmail.com

Teenage Miscarriage – This site describes the impact of teen miscarriage, including interviews with teens, the founder’s personal story, helpful links and more.

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I am so sorry you lost your baby. It sounds like you have a very supportive cary boyfriend, and I am glad for that. I was just 18 when I lost my first baby, I know how hard it is. Marty has given you some very good links that I hope you will check out. You need not go through this journey alone.

I can tell you from my experience, that you will never forget this child, and your love affirms your child. You can't assume the miscarriage is your fault, there's multitudes of reasons for them not making it to term and it's something that could have happened even if you'd had the best in medical care. I know we feel responsible, as parents, and wish we could protect our children and give them the best possible outcome, but sometimes even that is beyond our control.

I wish I could put my arms around you and give you a really big hug.

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  • 1 year later...

Your story puts my stomach into my chest. I know the feeling of your whole world crashing down in a matter of minutes. I am so sorry for your loss.

One of the best things to ever remember is that you are absolutely not alone in this, not for one second.

I hope in time your heart stops hurting so much and that you can find some comfort in your day-to-day life.

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I have already found peace and find that with all of my losses (the greatest of which was my husband), it has been up to me to accept the changes in my life and look for positive in the here and now. There is peace, it is up to us to take it.

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