I Lost Both My Parents Within Six Months

[Stacie_V1989]

Hi, I'm new to this site and just talking about my situation in general to other people who have lost someone.

In 2010 my mother was diagnosed with ovarian cancer..they took a mass out and started chemo..but the cancer spread into her liver and lungs. When it first happened..I just always thought she was going to get better..She was always so strong and happy..even with going through everything.She went into the hospital for the last time Mid Jan 2011..they wanted to start more chemo..but her blood platelets were to low,she had three blood transfusions.At this point I was kind of in denial about it all.It didn't hit me until they told us my mom only had about three days to live...during this time we flew my mom's sister up from alabama..had all of our family at the hospital seeing her..and not once did she ever say she was going to pass.She knew it..but she was the strongest ever..she never mentioned it..she was always so happy and strong about it..we never talked about it.The way before she died she was knitting..we had to put her on hospice..The night before she died my dad,sister and I told her it was okay..and that we would all be okay..my mom passed away the next morning while we were on the way to see her. 11|04|57-|02|05|11 she was only 53 years old.

During the time after my mother passed was so hard..I was 21 years old..living with my dad and uncle..taking care of my father..who worked everyday..and wasn't used to taking care of himself..he had asthma,copd and diabetes. I tried my hardest to take care of him..make sure he had his meds,laundry..my uncle cooked..just everything..in these months before he died we had some arguments..he always talked about dating already..but I think he just missed my mom..they were together over 30 years.

I went to NY the end of july to move my boyfriends brother to school.I came home Aug 2nd..and my dad wasn't feeling good..but it was normal for him..he would always go to the hospital and then come home and rest for a couple days. I asked him if he wanted to go to the hospital..and he was stubborn and said no.I got up Aug 3rd to drive my boyfriend to work..and my dad was home..I went in his room ( which we set up for my mom to come home and have hospice but she got to sick) asked him why he was home and he said he didn't feel good and was going to the doctors. He then got up to go to the bathroom..but wouldn't walk that far..asked me to call 911..I did and put him on his asthma machine..while I was outside waiting for the ambulance it got worse..the last thing he said to me was.."I'm not going to make it:..I found him dead on his bed..my uncle tried CPR but it didn't work. The emts couldn't save him either. 03|13|55-08|03|11 he was 56

I still can't believe it;s happened sometimes..its coming up on their 3 years soon. In the past couple years ..we sold my childhood house..I've gotten my own apartment and a full time job. I grew up a lot in that time. I guess I feel numb about it sometimes still..I just wanted to tell my story and hear other peoples..see how they deal with it.

If anyone read this..thank you <3

[enna]

My dear Stacie,

Welcome to this wonderful forum where we come to share our grief as we share our stories, read about others, find encouragement knowing that those who are here do understand, and know that we won’t be told “to get over it.” We do not ever "get over" grief.

I am so very sorry that you have lost both your mother and dad. They were both so very young and you are so young to be dealing with everything you have dwelt with over these few years.

You have gone through so much in your young life. You will always, always feel numb but you will learn to weave good memories with their losses as the years pass.

This forum allows you to express yourself. We read, listen, open our hearts, and never judge. This is a safe place to talk about your concerns and find out how others deal with the loss of two very special people in their lives – their mom and dad.

Both of my parents have been gone for many years now. I still miss them, talk to them, and wish that they could have seen my beautiful daughter and two very precious grandchildren. They know.

Again, welcome and thank you for sharing your story with us.

Anne

[mfh]

Dear Stacie,

I did read every word of your post and I am so very sorry that you have lost both of your parents and so close together in time. It is a gigantic load for anyone to carry and especially so when one is as young as you are.

The feeling of being shocked by the reality of what has happened is very common. It does not fit with your life and it is hard to get your head around all that has happened and so quickly.

You have found a great place here in our circle. You will find people here who have lost both parents, husband/wives/partners, children and more. Bacially you will will find understand people who will listen and embrace you as you deal with all that is on your plate.

I hope you will find the support here helpful and return often to our loving and listening group.

Mary

[Ron B.]

Hi Stacie. Like you, I have lost both of my parents, but I'm 60 years of age and my parents lived relatively full lives into their 70s. Being a bit older does help me comprehend my own mortality and the mortality of others. And the advance of years motivates me too; there's only so much time left for me to do the important things. I think it's actually pretty unfair that you in your mid 20s have to face the passing of your parents. Also seems unfair to me that your parents had their lives cut short while only in their 50s. People protest often enough that, "Life's not fair!", and I think that's true. But we have to make the best of the life we've got.

So many of us are traumatized by the way in which our parents passed. I've replayed in my head all the details of my parents passing many times. From the early signs of their illness, to their time in hospitals, to sorting out their things once they were gone. I'm glad to say now that I'm finally letting go of being stuck on the trauma. Nowadays my mind floods with many good memories of my parents. We did so many things together over the years, and those memories shine for me now. The good in my parents' legacy is finally crowding out some of the trauma I endured as a result of their passing.

If there is a single word that has helped me most in dealing with the passing of my parents, it is 'legacy'. Sure, I've got photo albums, but I'm not just speaking of physical things. I feel more and more how I am like them, that I inherited features of their personalities, their moral sensibility, their good judgement. I am their legacy.

It's more than understandable that you feel 'numb' from the very early loss of your parents. But you have a lot of time. You will slowly recover, build your own life, and perhaps give life to a new generation. Loss of parents is a huge event in our lives and very difficult to process. But the loss isn't just about pain, as that would only leave us stunted. We grow through the experience, and somehow come to a better understanding of life and mortality.

I am glad you found your way to this forum, Stacie. There are so many good people here that will help you find your way through the difficulty of grief. Whenever you need some quality of human contact, this is a very good place for it.

Ron B.

[kayc]

I am sorry you liost both of your parents in such a short span, and so young! At your young age, that can be a lot to deal with. I was 29 when my dad passed, pregnant with my first child. It was hard for me that he missed out on getting to be a grandpa to my children.

My mom is 91 and has advanced Dementia and Leukemia, so doesn't have a long time, and in some ways,has already left us as the Dementia prohibits connecting like we used to.

As Ron mention, I think of the legacy my parents have left us. My dad's coping with his sense of humor has served us well. My son inherited his "calm" gene, whereas the rest of us are more anxious like my mom. My mom's legacy to us is her organizational skill and efficiency, her energy, and I've thanked God we all inherited those skills. The things our parents instilled in us are part of that legacy...good work ethic, desire to learn...people often tease us about our large vocabulary, but we got that from my parents, telling us often "look it up" and so we did. I grew up turning to the encyclopedia and dictionary, my kids to the same and later to the internet. They gave us a desire to learn and instilled the love of reading in us at a young age. THOSE are their legacy to us and those things live on in us and in our children, and I would imagine, my grandchildren to come.

Know that your parents are with you still, in not only your memory, but your heart. They will be with you as you marry, as you have children...their words and example will come back to haunt you and help, comfort, and encourage you throughout your life.