misshim Posted July 10, 2014 Report Share Posted July 10, 2014 I have lost my brother. We were cut from the same cloth. He was to be part of my future as he was my past. I am having trouble with the trauma of his death. The shock. I can't seem to get past it. There are triggers. When a memory triggers the horror of that night I relive it over and over. It is like it is happening again. I can't sleep. I am afraid to sleep. The farm he loved, we purchased. At first it gave me a way to care for him, to honor him, now I don't want to go there. It looks dark in the windows. It is empty inside. I feel empty inside. I feel guilty for not wanting to go there. I am so very tired. So very sad. And feel so very alone. I long for the life I used to have. The one with my parents, my brother and the farm they loved. Now they are all gone. And I am alone. How do you live after losing your entire family? I am like my Mom and brother. They loved life, so did I. I don't know how to live not loving life without them. It gets harder everyday just to get up and put one foot in front of the other. When I do I only feel mechanical. I know my brother would want me to be who I was, who we were but I was excited and interested in life because they were in it with me. They were a big part of the ingredients to who I was and the life I lived. How can you bake up a wonderful slice of life when half the ingredients are missing? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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