qbee817 Posted December 20, 2005 Report Share Posted December 20, 2005 It has been almost 19 months since the man I loved passed away. I am coping bettwr but no matter what I am doing I always have this constant nagging sadness inside of me and think of him all the time. We had only been together about 7 months but we truly loved each other. We had found the trust, companionship and friendship that neither of us had in our marriages. He died suddenly as I held him. I am espcially miss him so with the holidays. It was 2 years ago during Christmas that we became so close. I feel the overwhelming sadness creeping in as I try to fight it off. I do not want to become the total emotional and physical wreck I was last year at this time. I I have 2 adult children who do not understand my grief. They seem to think I should be "over it". They do not or won't understand that I could totally love someone with all my heart and soul other than their father (even though we have been divorced for 5 years). My daughter is having Christmas dinner at her house which includes my ex husband. He isn't the problem though. I know I should be and I am grateful to be able to spend Christmas with my daughter and son, they are healthy. My Dad will be there and I am grateful for his health and that he is still here with me. My fear is my thoughts of how I miss my dear friend and companion and afraid I'll become emotional while at my daughter's. Sometimes I just can't turn off my feelings of loneliness even when I'm with my children or friends. I'm just afraid of fighting a meltdown and failing around them. They will not understand. They cannot even understand why I keep his things. They ask me why I keep it, he's dead. I'm tired of justifying my feelings for him. If I ever bring up things we did together, they just look at me like they don't want to hear it. He gave me more compassion, understanding, love, honesty and friendship than their father gave me in 20 years of marriage. I'm tired of feeling like I shouldn't mention his name when I do...he was my love and my life even though it was only for a short period of time. I wouldn't have changed anything and I was blessed and grateful for the time we had together. I guess what I'm getting at, is that I'm afraid of my emotions overwhelming me, what their reaction will be, etc. I'm just confused and sad.Thanks for listening,qbee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!Register a new account
Already have an account? Sign in here.Sign In Now