How Much Grief Can A Relationship Take?

[MartyT]

Found on GoodTherapy.org:

How Much Grief Can a Relationship Handle?

March 26, 2014 • By Amy Winchester, MA, LPC, Identity Issues Topic Expert Contributor

Although grief is a part of life, it can be one of the hardest parts of life, and one of the most difficult to understand. At the end of the day, grief is a very lonely journey. People who are ensconced in the process of grieving often say they feel like they’re alone, like they’re going crazy, like the rest of the world is buzzing around them while they’re trapped in a bubble, and like they’ve lost themselves and wonder when they’ll be “normal” again. It’s a process that is very internal and confusing, and it can be difficult to feel a sense of connection in the world.

To be in an intimate relationship with someone who is in this space can feel just as lonely and confusing. You want to be there for your partner, but don’t know what he or she needs or wants. You want the person to feel better. You want the person to be him/herself again. You want the person to be able to support you on those days when your life feels hard. Or maybe, very simply, you just want that smile or playfulness back that used to be so fun. Read on here >>>

[kayc]

Very good article. One thing I'd add to it:

The other person may be feeling guilt and may push you away because they feel guilty for having spent time with you instead of the person they lost.

You can't control the other person, what they feel, what they're going through, or how they deal with it. It helps to be patient, understanding, but at the end of the day, you must take care of you and rely on yourself to meet your own needs, not the other person. It will be easier to be there for them if you don't hold expectations of them.

[MartyT]

An excellent point, Kay, regarding guilt. Thank you for adding that.