Margm Posted November 5, 2015 Report Share Posted November 5, 2015 I picked a beautiful wooden urn for Billy. On the top is engraved the tree of life. Underneath are these words engraved: A limb has fallen from our family tree that says grieve not for me. Remember the best times, the laughter and the song, and most of all the good life I lived while I was strong.I never thought about Billy minding all the things I did for him. Only a man could imagine this. I did not mind bathing him, I did not mind his having to hold onto me to walk. I had him grab my shoulders. Any back problems or pain I had ever had, it totally went away while I was helping him. I was very strong. Taking care of his most private things he had always done, I never minded at all and he never could possibly have thought that I might mind. I loved him so much taking care of him was more important than taking care of myself. But, Billy was a man's man. Just like my dad ran his own brother-in-law off that had come to help while my dad was dying, Billy thought he was less of a man I guess having to have everything done for him. I got frustrated because I could not make him eat, but he really could not eat or drink and had to keep having saline boluses. I can only take comfort in the fact his suffering was short lived and somehow, I wanted to keep him forever. My friend took care of her husband for seven years after a devastating stroke. Feeding tubes, everything. She said she would have done it for seven more years to keep him with her. I know I am very selfish. I keep thinking that acceptance is one of the stages of grief. I don't shake myself as often now realizing he is gone, but I am not sure acceptance is there yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 6, 2015 Report Share Posted November 6, 2015 I know, Margaret. I would have done anything for George, just the same as he would have for me. Alas, I didn't get that chance, he died. He, too, would have had a hard time being disabled or dependent. We had a talk about that his last day. I think he knew I wanted him with me no matter what. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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