Lost mom. I'm an only child.

[Stargazer]

Hi everyone, 

I'm new to this message board. I'm so glad I found it as lots of the feelings shared have really resonated with me. 

My mom passed away this last August and I've been in a fog ever since. Unless I'm crying that is. I'm 55 years old but feel as though I'm 10 years old. 

My mom had dementia and I was her caretaker until she had to go into an adult foster care. I'm an only child and she really was my world. I I have friends but she was my only family member. My job has been compromised due to depression and a possible neurological issue.  

And now the holidays and dark long winter. I'm trying to figure out how to live in this world without her and find my "new normal", but

it just feels endless. I'm on anti 

depressnts and seeing a therapist. 

I suppose I need to be patient with myself and learn to live through this 

pain. I would give anything to bring

her back. 

Thank you all for sharing your experiences. It's comforting to know I'm not alone  

 

[kayc]

Hi Stargazer, welcome to this site, I'm glad you found it too.  It's a good safe place to be, where you'll be understood and heard.

I am so sorry you lost your mom.  With her being your only relative, that makes it all the harder.

I lost my mom (also Dementia) a year ago August.  I'm feeling some of the same things, esp. with the holidays coming.  Today I put up my tree and decorated, and I placed the ornaments she'd given me in a prominent position.  It's was poignant.

I'm glad you're seeing someone, I hope it's someone trained in grief counseling, not all are.

I hope things start going better for you, medically and at work.  I had to go back to work two weeks after my beloved husband passed away unexpectedly.  It was really tough, I'm sure you can relate.

I hope you'll read some of the links on this site and continue coming here.

[Stargazer]

Hi Kayc, 

Thank you for the warm welcome, I felt my spirits lift!

I believe only those of us who have lost special people in our lives are the ones who truly get it. 

I'm so sorry to hear about your husband and mom, those are two huge losses. I like what you did with the Christmas ornaments. Your celebrating your mom and that's awesome. My mom always said I had the prettiest Christmas trees around and to not hear her say that this year will be hard. 

Although she had dementia I thought she would still be around for many years but she just had a heart attack and died. I'm grateful she remembered me to the end, I now have her beautiful Siamese cat. It's bittersweet  as I feel mom in her yet it makes me miss her even more. 

I'm kind of rambling here. 

Thank you again. I hope the holidays bring you peace and joy. 

 

 

[hollowheart]

Stargazer, welcome. As others have said, I'm sorry you even needed to look for a site like this--me too--but glad you found it. I'm sorry about your mom. It seems she had a wonderful daughter in you for 55 years. I lost my older sister last month. She was 43 and it has broken my entire world. My guilt and grief over his and why she died will haunt me forever. 

The holidays were our favorite time of the year and they feel empty already as we'd surely be preparing for Black Friday right about now. I miss her beyond words and just miss talking to her. I can't believe she is gone. Hopefully we can both figure out how to live without our loved ones as I'm trying to do that myself. I hope bring here will help if you have no one else to talk to. We are here. 

[kayc]

I really enjoyed decorating my tree yesterday, the ornaments are full of memories, but it's bittersweet because I'm doing it alone and with no one else to enjoy it.  That's not how it was supposed to be.  I've learned to try and enjoy what is, not focus on what isn't, and that helps, but sometimes it hits you all the same.  I will continue to try and enjoy the seasons, but frankly, with George gone, it lacks most of it's luster.  And now my mom's gone too.  I catch myself wanting to buy her a new pair of slippers, some new gloves, take her to lunch, call her, but I can't.  It's hard to believe she's gone.  We had to sell her house to pay for her dementia care, and it was pretty much at a break even state, what was left all went to my brother as he's the only one she named in her will.  ???  There were five of us daughters so I don't understand that, but it can't be changed so we'll all live without the mementos, etc.  I have a picture of her and daddy up on my bookshelf.  It's all I have of them.