Im losing a child

[sharirouse]

Ive been missing from this forum for awhile but Im struggling. 

I have a 13 yr old dog and Ive had her since my parents got divorced. I mean we got her about a year later but whatever. She was old and I noticed she was peeing weird. She acted like she had a UTI. We tried to treat her at home but she's not how she was. We took her into the vet and she's in kidney failure. I know there is no coming back from that. She didnt get better with IV fluids so I decided to put her down tomorrow but omg. I feel like I am losing a child. She reminds me of when my dad was really sick. They just arent themselves. She pooped all over herself at the vet and laid in it. She didnt even lift her head up when I went to see her today. I know it happens since pets dont live as long but that doesnt help. I just feel so awful. I wish you could tell them how you feel like you do with ill family. I have 2 other dogs but the thought of going out in the backyard and seeing her little empty spot makes me want to avoid them and that only makes me feel worse. You'd think after losing my dad I would know how to handle these feelings but I cant. She used to sleep under my window every night during the summer and whimper at my window until I woke up and talked to her. I saw her the other day and held her head in my hand and we made eye contact and I swear she was talking to me. She isnt the same dog. Shes in there but I know she's done. She wants to go. 

 

Heres a pic of the baby. http://imgur.com/OHZ7lp9

[kayc]

Oh Shari,

I am so sorry!  Any time we lose a beloved pet it is so hard.  My internet has been down a lot lately and I just now saw this, I wish I could have seen it earlier.  I imagine you are feeling pretty blue about now and I wish I could give you a hug.

[Marj37]

Hi Shari - purrfect place to share your loss.  I'm so sorry.  that is a huge huge trial to see them at the vets like that.  It hurts our heart.

Your baby is adorable - thanks for the pic - she has a muzzle one would love to kiss.

[sharirouse]

Kay, she's one of the first real pets I have lost. I had a dog at my dads and I regret being there but sadly I wasnt as close as I was with this sweet girl. I had just finished leaving a message for the vet when I got a call saying that she had a heart attack. Started as a seizure and went into cardiac arrest. They had to do CPR for her. I should have let her go then but I needed to say goodbye! I hurried over there and kissed her and talked. She wasnt there but I thought maybe her soul would hear. We put her down a little later and it reminded me a lot of my dads passing. As weird as it sounds, I am glad she did that before we put her down. That way I didnt have to look at her little eyes. I told her she could go if she needed to (the day before) and she did. I swear they know. I think the hardest part for me is I just hope she knows I love her. I wish I could have been there every minute. 

And you know, our internet has been having issues too! The City workers unhooked our internet and just let it hang. Stupids lol 

[sharirouse]

Marj37;

Thanks for your comment  It really does! I just wish I could have held her but I dont know if I could of handled it. I didnt really cry when she passed but I was a mess the day before. And oh I kissed that muzzle so much! She had a little mohawk of hair from her nose all the way up to between her eyes. 

Sadly, she looks different in that picture. She used to have a lot more spark. But Heck, if I had kidney failure, Id look sad too!!

[kayc]

Shari, Of course she knew you love her, how could she not!  

I had to call an arborist out to cut branches to get my dish satellite reception, and then a few days later to get my internet reception back.  The internet people told me it was my modem, but I don't think so, it's been fine since I had the arborist back out.

[sharirouse]

Kay, I always felt bad because she was an outdoor dog. I mean she wasnt her entire life but she was once we moved hours. We have a small house and I understand why but it sucks! And I wasnt there for her as much as I wished. I did go visit her but I wish I could of stayed more. She wasnt cognitive when I saw her last (Thank God) though. I just wanted her to know I cared! I think she did but I wanted her to really know. And we dont really know how much they can understand, although she was smart as Hell. 

I swear they always say its the modem! They just want you to buy another one! And its been snowy there right? Hopefully itll stay put. Our area likes to get disconnected and the internet at my university is bad lol sadly!

[kayc]

It wasn't the modem, after I had the branches cut it's been fine since.  Yes we've had a lot of snow.  I'm home today nursing my sore back.

I think she knew you loved her, after all, they seem to pick up on our feelings.

[sharirouse]

Oh good! And the bottom half of New Mexico got hit with tons of snow which is weird because its hot down there lol and maybe some light yoga will help  not that you would want to if you were sore lol

That is very true. Ive moved passed that part in grief kind of. I was crying to day before and she looked right in my eyes and she had to of known I cared for her and I was sad to see her go. After all, she was my baby. She even answered to it. She did what my dad did when she died and it was weird. I gave him permission and he went, and I gave her  permission and she did too. I dont believe in coincidences so that is strange to me. I am very glad! And on another note, I hope my post doesnt offend anyone cause I said i was losing a child. I dont know that pain but she was my child in a sense since Im only 22. 

[MartyT]

Shari, my dear, I doubt if any of our animal loving members feel offended at your thinking of your dog as your child. I am a mom and a grandmother, and I've always thought of my dogs as my kids with fur coats, and the same goes for my granddoggies, grandkitties and grandbunnies. (Years ago when I'd get home from work my husband would rev up our two cockapoos by chanting "Mommy Dog is home!!" until I came in from the garage ~ and then I'd get the best homecoming greeting ever!) Our animal companions love us differently from the way other humans love us, and it is quite amazing when you think about it. Magical, even. Their love is pure, genuine, unconditional ~ and always, always present. No grudges, ever. How wonderful is that? No wonder we miss them so much when they're gone . . .  ♥

[kayc]

Shari, I can't say what it's totally like to lose a child, but sort of...I had a stepson I raised from infant to age 3 and I lost him, not to death, but when his dad and I divorced I didn't know where his mom took him or how he was...it like to have killed me!  I raised him the first three years of his life.  I lost three babies "in the oven" and that was very hard.  When I was pregnant with my daughter my sister in law told me I didn't know what it was like to have a child...after my daughter was born, I told her, "Yes I do, and there's no difference"  (having my own or raising someone else's like my own)!  I also refer to my dog as my "little boy" because he seems like my child, I'm responsible for him, he's my family, same with my cats, one more so than the other (because the other sleeps all the time and is more aloof), but when you feel responsible for them and interact with them all the time, they DO seem like your child!  I seriously doubt anyone would take offense here, we're always telling people you can't compare losses, and it's true because our relationships are all different, I mean think about it, some people are good parents and some are not, you think their losses will feel the same?  I doubt it!

Marty, I love that, "Mommy Dog is home!!"   

The difference between having kids and dogs is, we raise our kids to grow up and become independent...and they do, they pull away from us a bit (okay, quite a bit!), but dogs never do!  They are dependent on us their whole lives and give us love until the day they die, it's kind of hard not to miss that!

[sharirouse]

Marty, that is so cute! I love it! I was always the one to get the dogs excited lol and that is so true. Thats how my friend helped comfort me when I was scared that my baby might not know how much I loved her. The love was definitely returned to me so she had to of known! I kissed her and pet her and talked to her all the time. We even carried her inside and had a blanket and sweatshirt on her. And it definitely is hard not to miss them! Every morning during the summer, without fail, she would whimper at my window until I woke up. My bed is right up against the window and she would sleep under the window. 

 

[sharirouse]

Kay, I am so sorry to hear that! I worried that someone might take offense because I have never carried or...created a child and that is something you dont ever experience with animals but you made a very good point! Its really upsetting that people would tell you that but we have already established people arent very nice LOL. And thats so true! We are responsible for them and with them everyday and some say they are about as smart as a 2 year old. Permanent children! I have an aloof cat too, we feed him and thats about it. We swear he has another home lol 

Before I had posted about my dog, I had read other posts and some of the links that Marty had posted and one of them mentioned that Love is love and pain is pain. Doesnt matter the "type." and its so true! Losing this girl felt very much like losing my dad. It of course had its differences but that "sick with grief" feeling was the exact same as well as that loneliness. I just wish they could send updates on how they are doing

[kayc]

I know, some don't see how you could love a dog or cat like a husband...well the answer is, you don't, you love them differently, but you can get very, very attached, and honestly, I've said my dog is my "dog soulmate", whereas George was my partner/soulmate, it's different, yet in many ways similar, I just don't get hung up on one trying to trump the other and don't compare.  The pain is as deep as the love was.  The loss of George affected every avenue of my being, but when the day comes I lose Arlie, it'll be like the light going out of my world all over again.  

I've often wished I could have gotten Arlie when he was a little puppy, instead I got him at 79 lbs. when he was almost a year old (he's about 140 now in spite of dieting).  He is and always will be my little boy, no matter what his size or age.  I truly understand your missing your dog, they are so very special.  I think they were God's gift to us in this world.

[sharirouse]

I definitely agree with that. And I dont think we need to compare anyway because its love and pain and doesnt matter how or what type. My baby girl will never be like loving my dad but it definitely hurt the same!

LOL I have a very large lab and she is just fat no matter what so I completely understand. She grew up with my dog, she is turning 11 this coming year so shes old too and I realized that when I lost my little girl. Ugh I dont want to do it again. But anyway, I agree! They are sweet little creatures and God did that on purpose lol. Im feeling better about it. I had read an article that Marty had posted somewhere it says that people tend to work through pet loss faster since the relationship isnt as complicated and I agree. It was pure love and she was one smart pooch so she had to feel the way I did, and understood what I was doing. 

[kayc]

4 hours ago, sharirouse said:

I had read an article that Marty had posted somewhere it says that people tend to work through pet loss faster since the relationship isnt as complicated and I agree. It was pure love and she was one smart pooch so she had to feel the way I did, and understood what I was doing. 

I like that.

[sharirouse]

It makes sense right?! I am feeling better although I am still lonely with her gone. Its hard not seeing her everyday. I know she's out there running around. I didnt cremate her or bury her myself and I feel a little bad about it but I thought it was best to just let her go. I dont know if I could of done that anyway. That and financial issues. 

[kayc]

As much as we don't like to have important decisions affected by finances...they have to be, we have no choice.  We do the best we can and the important thing is we took good care of them when they were with us and loved them.  That's the wonderful thing about dogs, that seems to be all they need.