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I Miss My Friend


Chet

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I had to let my cat, Clara, go on February 3, a little over a month ago. This loss has devastated me. Clara was 15 and I had her 14 of her 15 years. When she entered my life, I was almost two months fresh out of an alcohol/drug rehab after battling alcoholism most of my adult life. Those months in the beginning were touch and go. Clara gave me such joy. I wasn't even all that fond of cats before I met her.

In 1998 Clara was diagnosed with feline diabetes. For the last 7+ years, I gave her insulin injections twice a day. I also learned how to home test her blood glucose level by using a human glucometer. It was a commitment but I enjoyed doing it for her. She helped me out so much in the beginning, I remember when she got the diabetes diagnosis and looking at her and saying "it's time i take care of you for awhile." She did well for the next six years. It wasn't until the last year that she developed some concurrent medication conditions. An endoscopoe done this past January 16 revealed small cell lymphoma. She kept losing weight and even though we started her on two medications, it was a case of too little to late. I always prayed I wouldn't have to make the decision but i did. i always prayed it wouldn't be cancer and it was. And I always prayed that when her time came, it was quick and sudden -- although it would be rough, I knew it would be better than a long drawn out illness where I had to watch her waste away -- and that's exactly what happened. At the end of 2003 she was close to 17 pounds. On her final day, she was down to 5 lbs, 15 oz.

Now that she's gone, I feel I lost my purpose in life. There were many days that the only thing that got me out of bed was knowing I had to give her the insulin. I've suffered from depression all my life and have been on meds since 1990. This loss has torn me up inside. There are times I wish the vet could have prepared two syringes and I could have went right along with her.

i hate being home and I'm still sleeping on the couch. I'm always crying. The doctor prescribed valium because I wasn't sleeping and even that didn't work. Now I'm on a stronger sleeping pill.

I don't feel my life will ever be the same. She was one in a million and I miss her terribly.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Dear Chet,

I am so sorry about Clara. She was and is a beautiful girl. I know the pain you are feeling. I had to let my beloved Abby go on November 28, 2004 and even though I know euthanasia was the right thing for her, she was in end stages of congestive heart failure and her lungs had filled with fluid and blood, it does not take away the pain and longing of needing her in my arms again. The missing her never goes away, you just learn to live with it.

I too felt like you in that I wanted to go with Abby. I would have been happiest to have died myself. I prayed to do that very thing. For a long time I was in the depths of despair and depression. It went on for months and months. The thing that finally snapped me out of it was something I wouldn't wish on another but my husband got terribly ill this past December. A whole year after Abby passed and it is the thing that finally brought me up from my depression of losing Abby. My husband is still recovering and may have to have a dangerous surgery as he has other complicated medical problems and some new ones. He is just 56 years old.

Abby was the most wonderful little dog. She was so loving and devoted to me. At times I felt as though she were my child and I raised her as such. We had her for 13 years and 3 weeks. She came to us when she was just about 7 weeks old. She was my joy and my life. I lived my life around what would be best for Abby. My whole life was geared to her and her life.

I promise things will get better for you. It is too soon yet for you to feel any light in your grief. One day you will be able to think of Clara with a smile on your face and in your heart. The best way to honor her life with you is to let grief take it's course and take care of yourself. She would want that and one day, you will be reunited with her again in that place of wonder and joy we all go to in the Lord. Please take care of yourself.

In Christian love,

Jwatrlily

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  • 3 months later...

Dear Chet,

I can understand how an animal can take such a central role in your life that they become your whole reason for being. I just lost my dog suddenly 3 weeks ago when he was killed on the highway. I loved him more than any human being, including myself. I changed my plans for him, I took certain jobs just because they allowed me to be with him, I willingly and gladly gave up a number of my dreams because they were not conducive to owning, and properly caring for, my dog. I think it may be especially hard to let go of those things, creatures and people that are exceptionally beautiful like Clara and like my Cruiser. He was the most unexpectedly beautiful dog that you have ever seen. His mannerisms were so human, so gentle, so unconditionally loving. I have never encountered a spirit like that in another living thing, and it was larger than life. My partner and I treated the dog like our child and we both feel like that is what we have suddenly lost. I too felt, still feel sometimes, like I don't want to go on without him. He wasn't just a pet, a companion, he was my best friend and a dream come true. Like you, Cruiser may have filled some void in my own soul. Its hard to step back from your grief and see that you still have a reason for being, but there is a whole world of new experiences and friendships, human and animal, waiting to be discovered by you. Take comfort in knowing that, as someone that is capable of loving and caring for another soul, the way that you did for your Clara, you have already proven to yourself that you a loving, caring human being and that you are capable of contributing so much to this sometimes cruel world. Take the time to grieve but don't let that stop you from moving forward and sharing that love that you have inside of you with the rest of the world. Letting that die with Clara would be the real tragedy.

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Chet, Jwatrlily, Ange,

I just want to thank ALL of you for writing such truly beautiful and deeply loving things about your precious furbabies, and for sharing how your lives were so affected by their presences. Just knowing there are many more people out there whose lives were so focused around the happiness and needs of their furkids lightens my own load, as I 'prepare' to 'let go' of our last furchild, 6 years, and counting, past the time we lost her brother, our fur-son.

I, too, have willingly given up much of what my life otherwise could have been, in order to serve these two priceless souls we adopted so many years ago, and although I have yet to face what I consider will be the worst grief to come, out of all my losses to date, it helps me to feel less alone knowing there are many others who believe the same way in their hearts....that these blessed beings are truly, truly worth all of our 'sacrifices.' All of your stories really touched my heart and I just wanted you to know they made their mark, and a difference, in my soul today. Thank-you. :wub:

Edited by Maylissa
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  • 2 weeks later...

:( I'm sorry to hear of your loss(es)! Our furry kids are just that...our furry kids. Not many people understand, they may say they do, but they don't. My brother was very upset with me for crying more for my cat than I did my mom...he did not understand. I wanted to throttle him when he said that Smokey was "just a cat"....but I just told him that he did not know what he was talking about...and I left. It is a painful thing when your best friend is no longer there to "help you make the bed" by getting in the sheets before you get them spread out....or to "help you put groceries away" by checking out every bag for the special treats he knows you bought for him..! It is also painful to know that you will be on the couch alone...without a little purr machine next to you...(I know dogs don't purr and they also make good cuddle buddies; but in my case, it was my cat). I am still greiving over Smokey and I will for a long time.. I can't watch Animal Planet without crying...he died on September 15.. so it is a long road.

On a lighter note, my new kitten arrives tonight. I have been waiting a long time for this little guy and I tell my friends that he is already spoiled and I don't even have him yet!! I am not trying to replace Smokey, just add more love to my life...Animals do add love to your life!

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