Mom's Death

[pennylayne]

I have been looking through the topics and maybe it's just to have someplace to talk about my grief. My mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in September-went into hospice the end of December 2005 and died February 4, 2006. I was with her when she took her last breath. Her visual was no loner that of any living person-she looked like she was dead before the actual event. I cry every morning-feel really lonly-I talked with her for over 15 years every moring. We became friends over the years. I feel like there is noone can really talk with-I feel like a burden. I walk with my head down and I live in a very big city. Watching someone die is a very unique experience-down to seeing a soul lift right out of the person. I feel like that is a crazy statement but it is true. She was even smiling! Does this happen to others?

Edited March 6, 2006 by pennylayne

[cala]

pennylayne

I can relate. Being with someone till the very moment they leave this realm is moving and truly unique. Not eveyone goes through this and it can be very isolating. It is part of the reason I needed to find this board. I am happy i did, and I only just found it a couple of hours ago. I don't know what else to say except that I am here for ya and I understand your feelings of being a burden to others....and i understand the strange feelings of joy yet sorrow of being with a loved one up until the end.

[Bebekat]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband to pancreatic cancer, so I can understand what you went through. He died within 5 months of his diagnosis. He was at home & I was his caretaker for most of the illness. He died here at home, just as he wanted. He too looked very bad at the end but his mind was still there until the last morning. No one should have to go through that. This is a good place to come to any time you'd like. We are here to listen.

[Maylissa]

Pennylayne,

I'm so sorry you, too, lost your mom, and so recently as well. It's never easy, no matter when, where or what our relationships were like with our moms. I'm interested though in hearing more about one of your last statements:

"Watching someone die is a very unique experience-down to seeing a soul lift right out of the person. I feel like that is a crazy statement but it is true. She was even smiling!"

I've heard tell of both of these kinds of things, but not everyone sees it. Can you tell me more about your ( this ) experience with your mom's passing?

[pennylayne]

My mom looked like somone else. Her eyes were already rolled up-Her mouth was open in an O shape-kept putting water around her lips and toung so she wuld not feel dry. I was sitting next to her holding her hand-one of the hospice nurses was reading to her an article that had been put in the front page of the city's paper abuot just how much she had done with her life-and at the end of the story I saw my mother smile-I thought I was crazy! Then she kept smiling and stopped breathing-and her soul lifted up-gone to the eye-butshe felt like she ws in the room for a short time and then she was gone. Just writing this makes me cry. I live in a big city-the day before she died I just did not go to work-booked airline tickets to go up there-something told me I had to be there. Now know why.

[Guest Kathi]

I lost my mom on March 18, after 48 days in ICU. She was fully awake and aware when she asked to have "all of this" taken out. Within 15 hours she had passed. The comment about seeing the persons soul leave at the moment of death was exactly what it felt like watching her die. I felt lucky to be there with her, but an overwhelmed at how this would impact me a week later. I cant get over the feeling of empty, just pure emty and lonely. I am glad to have found this website. I have felt all week that I am part of a club that noone wants to be a part of. Thanks to all of you who have posted, reading about others helps.

[tara12]

YES i UNDERTAND this as well , i was wiht my mum when she took her last breath , it blew my mind , i dont think i will ver get over it , it was so deep and pround and life changing and the images stayed and stay with me , it was 4 mths ago now and words can never touch what it was like , is like and how its changed me . i changed immediately . then now my dad died , 17 march , its harder and different , he died unexpectaed and sudden , went and lay down and died , the neighboiurs foudn him. i am heartbroken and it feels so different to my mums passing , i feel so angry and lost and oconfused and gulity and os much stuff. very very different ot my mums death... and people seems o cold and insensitve and say such dum things . its hard .

i feel isolated and distant to people , i feel not many care and i feel in a dfferent place to people , most people , i am having a lot of emotional stuff ... but yes my mum and the leaving the body , its so true , it was amzing and i KNOW she was there and in sprit immeditely after and i felt her leave . it was so profound. though the images were abot hard to have after , it was a big shock also somehow to the pysch .. u know , the images of the body one moent a breath in and then.......... gone . wow. thats a trip....

please write more about this we can help each other ,