i don't know how to deal with this.

[Katelyn]

okay, idk if I'll get replies to this but I need help.

my grandma passed away in 2014 & I still can't grasp that she's gone. I feel like she's still here but I just haven't gone to visit her. know what I mean? whenever I was younger I always felt like she'd live longer than she actually did. I miss her so much & its so hard to get over her death. I don't know how to heal my broken heart. she was an amazing women & a great grandma. I don't think I can heal because of the fact that I didn't get to say goodbye to her. (I was at school) my parents didn't take me out of school & I wish I would've stayed home to go see her. I don't think i could ever heal...

[kayc]

Katelyn,

I'm sorry you're having a hard time with closure, which really just means knowing she's gone.  It would be of tremendous help to you if you would see a grief counselor.  I feel it's more than what laypeople on a forum can help you with.  My little sister had a hard time when our dad died because she couldn't come home for the funeral as she started a new job the day of the funeral and she was living out of state.  Have you been able to visit her grave, read (and print out) her obituary?  Have you written her a letter telling her what she means to you?  You can include your goodbye in that letter too since you didn't get to earlier.

I wish you the best as you process her death.  I really hope you'll see a grief counselor, I think they'd be able to help you through this.

[MartyT]

I don't know how old you are, Katelyn, but if this is your first experience with significant loss and the death of someone you dearly loved, it is understandable that you're feeling as you are. It's like being dropped into a foreign land without a map and where you don't speak the language, you don't know anyone, and nothing feels familiar. This is why it helps to be with and talk to others who've had losses similar to your own, and to read a bit about what is normal (and therefore to be expected) in grief. I can refer you to some articles that you may find helpful, but I also encourage you to read these two, which focus on this matter of "I didn't get to say goodbye to her":

We Never Said Goodbye by Tony Falzano

Goodbye to Goodbye by Darcie Sims

See also Grief: Understanding The Process and Teen Misses Uncle's Visitation and Funeral