AB3 Posted February 4, 2017 Report Share Posted February 4, 2017 About to hit the 2 month mark pretty soon (Feb 10th) and those "what if" questions still run through my mind at some point each and every day. The only difference between now and in the beginning is that I realize that the "what ifs" won't bring him back....it won't reset reality no matter how much I wish it could. I could never get use to the loneliness, the quietness, the darkness that has replaced the brightness he brought into my world. How can anybody get use to it? Use to a world without their soulmate.....it's just plain empty and heartbreaking. But yet I still think about those "what ifs"....like what if I would have made him go to the hospital the last day I saw him, or what if they would have caught the rejection of his heart earlier, or what if I would have spent more time with him instead of focusing on work would I have seen how sick he really was.....and here again I say...."None of that matters now, it won't change reality". But ooooh how I wish it would..... 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 4, 2017 Report Share Posted February 4, 2017 Wow AB, do i ever know where you're at and what you're talking about! With my wife, it's what if i'd gotten her to the hosp with the pneumonia a day sooner. What if i'd pushed her over the years to stick to her diabetic diet more stringently. Would it have kept her kidneys from failing? What if-what if-ad infinitim...But you know people like us have proven that we truly love and care about our soul mate that isn't physically here with us anymore. We are proving that with the intense grieving we are going through. And also just by the fact that we are here at this website. Nobody like that would also at the same time really be guilty of negligence or carelessness. That's this peanut gallery's opinion anyway. And i think it's also normal to dissect everything to the nth degree. You're right about that beast called reality. That sucker sleeps under my bed, and sneaks out when i least expect it and punches me right between the eyes. One foot in front of the other... Darrel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widowedbysuicide Posted February 4, 2017 Report Share Posted February 4, 2017 The what ifs are torture. When one comes to mind my brain becomes a ferris wheel of craziness. Each time it goes round and round with one what if question, and then just as I'm about to concede that the questions has no answer, the wheel stops then the what if question that is sitting in the uppermost seat starts eating away at me. None of the still seated what ifs get off, the wheel begins to turn and once again my mind is filled with the despair of not finding relief. So what if I quit the ifing? Replace it with I'm so glad I had the life we had together... That would be good. Hang on AB3. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iPraiseHim Posted February 4, 2017 Report Share Posted February 4, 2017 2 hours ago, Widowedbysuicide said: The what ifs are torture. When one comes to mind my brain becomes a ferris wheel of craziness. Each time it goes round and round with one what if question, and then just as I'm about to concede that the questions has no answer, the wheel stops then the what if question that is sitting in the uppermost seat starts eating away at me. None of the still seated what ifs get off, the wheel begins to turn and once again my mind is filled with the despair of not finding relief. So what if I quit the ifing? Replace it with I'm so glad I had the life we had together... That would be good. Hang on AB3. What a great analogy, " a ferris wheel of craziness". We have all played on this wheel until it spins us off. I kept trying to figure out if there was something, anything I could do to bring my wife back from the abyss of death. It takes time yet I did discover that there are so many more times of wonderful, beautiful memories of my precious beloved wife that I want to chose to remember. Yes, I will never forget the day of her death, but now, I can by working through this grief, a day at a time, begin to remember all of the good times we shared.. It was the best times of my life. I am grateful, thankful and blessed to have such a beloved wife. One moment; one day at a time - Shalom 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted February 4, 2017 Report Share Posted February 4, 2017 13 hours ago, Widowedbysuicide said: So what if I quit the ifing? Replace it with I'm so glad I had the life we had together... That would be good Exactly! The what ifs are made with knowledge we didn't have at the time, so they're unfair judgments on us! I think we're really looking for a different outcome, one we could have control over, but that's not in our jurisdiction. Marita is so right, we need to quit the what ifs and focus on appreciating what we had together, even though we wish it was longer. Someday when we're reunited, I'm never letting go! 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie Lee Posted February 4, 2017 Report Share Posted February 4, 2017 The never ending what if game...A game I am sure to lose.... No answers here, Marie.... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now