When Does It End

[Jenjen2]

My dad died 22 weeks ago and after the initial grief I started to feel ok again I've started at university on a PGCE course which is hard work but am enjoying it and have been focusing on that lots. We had a visit from the director on Thursday and he said to us all make sure we look after and out for each other as you never know who has what things going on in their life this made me feel really upset for some reason and I've been feeling down ever since it feels like it did back at the beginning I'm crying not sleeping and feel sick most of the time it's come right out of the blue as I felt like I was over it I'm scared that it's going to keep coming back when I feel I'm better and coping does it ever stop

[kayc]

What was it that upset you about his remark, was it because you felt he nailed it?

[Jenjen2]

I think it was mainly because I'd made a desision not to tell anyone at uni about my dad I just wanted to have a new start and I was just so tired of putting on a show although it was becoming normal to me

I think it was also because it's his birthday on Tuesday so been thinking about it lots and it's half term so I haven't got the day to day work to keep me occupied

[ADH]

That makes a lot of sense. I am still in the working world and finishing my degree after the loss of my husband. I have thought about changing careers, so I do not have to face people that know how much I am hurting. I am not an expert in loss, but I know (from experience) that trying to put on a show and not allowing yourself to grive can prolong the suffering.

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your Father. 22 weeks is not long. The anniversary dates can really bring back the pain in the loss.

Thinking of you.

A

[kayc]

I can understand. But at the job I had when my husband died, everyone was so wonderful to me and understanding. I am so thankful I didn't have my NEXT job when he died because no one was caring or understanding about anything and they were so young, none of them had ever suffered loss/grief. It helps to be in a supportive environment but I also understand wanting a fresh start.

[Jenjen2]

A few people at uni now know and said I can text or talk to them about anything any time but part of me doesn't want to burden them with it and since it's half term I don't want to keep bothering them it's their time to relax not worry about me

I went to the spiritualist church yesterday really hoping for him to come through he didn't which upset me a bit but after I was half listening to my mum talking to her friend she said that she often feels like crying but doesn't want to I front of us kids she needs to show how strong she is that's exactly how I feel at the moment I want to tell her it's ok but I just don't know how or what words to use

[kayc]

Just tell your mom what you've said to us, that it's okay for her to cry, and it might even be good for you to do it together. You needn't worry about the crying not stopping, it won't last forever, but it is good to let it flow.

Marty posted a link about crying in the "loss of spouse" section, it might be good to read that. Here it is:

http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2014/07/in-grief-when-tears-wont-come_14.html

[Jenjen2]

I have made the first step and phoned for face to face bereavement councilling I have been put on the waiting list which is very long but at least it's the first step

[MartyT]

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step ~ Lao Tzu

Taking that first step is usually the hardest, dear one, but it is the only way to begin. Good for you!

And while you're sitting on that waiting list, please know that we are here for you whenever you need to "talk," or ask a question, or just be among those who "get it."

You are not alone. ♥

[kayc]

Hang on, then, knowing you'll soon be getting some help. I'm sorry there's such a waiting list, that just goes to show you are not alone in what you are going through. Soon...