WolfsKat

Flew up to Michigan for a week, attended my family's belated Christmas Party....we congregate at a rental facility as just too dang many of us. Being up there solidified my feelings that the right thing to do, for me, is to move back to be near them all, especially my grandgirls. I've given my current landlord my moving out date (end of March) and am packing/sorting. It's rather scary, in a way.....but I think this does show "progress", that I am able to think of a new life? It's a step, and in the right direction, I hope! Pic of me opening my "Dirty Santa" gift (it's a game, of sorts) at the get-together....I actually had a good time....laughed and did not feel "guilty" about it!

Marg..........you are a pistol!!!! I enjoy so many of your posts, you are definitely one of a kind! And I mean that in a GOOD way.....I love your no-nonsense outlook and your blunt way of speaking!!!! xo Kat

I'm about at the same place as you as to time alone.......I know I have "improved", but still a very long road to trek ahead. I, too, have trouble just "doing"....I KNOW I have tasks to accomplish.....but can sit & stare off for hours, seemingly. I think we just have to accept that this will be a difficult journey....but have hope that we will come to a place where we are at peace, and perhaps even happy again. Best wishes to you, Darrel

Mitch............I DID, literally, LOL at this!!! Thanks for a happy moment!!!!

I think we've all felt this way......

Marg.....you don't "forget".......it's just that the loss of our "other half" is the cruelest grief to bear, I think. I lost my brother, then my Mum within months of one another, and the grief was huge....then in the same year, I lost my beloved husband Connor......and THIS loss was the one that brought me to my knees!!!! I could bear the loss of brother/mother because I had Connor to comfort me and uplift me. And while we love our family members, usually they are not a part of our day to day life like a mate is.....we can lose a parent and still not be alone.....when we lose our mates, for many of us.....we are now very alone, perhaps for the first time in our lives!

Marie.......while you may not have enthusiasm for a new day......(yet)....you DO write "Hope to again someday". This is good......hope is good.....I note that you do NOT say that it is hopeless to ever again have that.......hugs to you!

Darrel, that story about how you could talk forever on the phone while you were apart made me smile! Before Connor could finally move here to Florida (he was living in TX), we burned up the phone lines, so to speak! I remember one time alone, that the phone call lasted just about 7 hours!!! And, oh yeah.....VERY happy to have "unlimited minutes" on the cell! Online, on the phone, and finally "in person", Connor and I never seemed to run out of things to talk about.....we truly loved one another's conversation and company.......and THAT is what makes the loss so much more difficult to bear, I think? The one person who I was so totally bonded to that they were like an extension of "me".....the only person with whom I relished every moment with, never tiring of them.....and...."gone". Surrounding myself now, with people, forcing myself to socialize when it was never in my makeup to begin with, would not help. As you quoted, "To thine own self be true".....exactly! Hoping you are finding comfort and companionship in this forum, and praying that 2017 will prove to be a year of healing for you!

I'm still very much in the "Need for solitude" group.......I have enough "socializing" at work, dealing w/people all day long! I love it when I can spend my days off just being alone (well, with my 2 furbrats!) and not having to leave the home for anything. But, then again, I've always been something of a hermit....not anti-social, I tell others, just "selectively social". Some worry that this is due to grief alone....and, while that it, at times IS a small portion of it, I am simply living the life I prefer. Connor and I always said we were hermits together.....very attuned to one another, and each not feeling a big need for social interaction, we were very happy with our own company! I can go out on occasion and be very happy in the company of others, interact and enjoy....but I do not "need" it. But, still.....some think that my view is "wrong" and that it means that I am not "dealing" with my loss......I've quite given up on trying to dissuade them!

Marie.....definitely true! I feel that is akin to being suddenly thrown into an alien existence...where suddenly nothing feels secure, safe or normal. Our lives are now irrevocably changed.....cast adrift in a sea of grief. It's been a bit over a year for me.....and while I can see that I've made "progress"......it IS still a daily struggle to go on and find a way to make a new life that I might want to live in. Baby steps....one day at a time....and being my own best cheerleader in this journey. I no longer actively wish (at at times did court the concept) to die, just in the hope of instant reunification. I have made concrete plans to simplify my life and return to my hometown, to be close to my family again. I need them, and it seems they need me, as well. In whatever time I've left on this plane, I hope to still be able to provide some happiness in other's lives, and feel a sense of purpose......it can all be rather daunting, especially when at an age that most would think to be quite comfortably "settled"....to re-invent my life all over again. But I struggle on....so I must have some faith/hope left in me?

I wholeheartedly believe that there IS........I've had experiences myself, and have heard of countless others who have rec'd "verifications".

Darrel, I second what Kay wrote!!! I think ALL of us are able to "help"....even if it is just by letting another know they are NOT alone in this....that someone else "gets" us.....and you do that! I think many of us learn from one another, here.....and I think you have a lot of wisdom to impart! Best wishes!

What you describe is VERY real.....and something that so many of us have experienced, especially in the early weeks/months. It is like living in a fog of grief that obliterates all else in your life....I know that I felt dazed/confused/detached....just going through the motions. It was very hard to concentrate on anything, I'd forget simple things....everything seemed to be "too much" to deal with...even something as common as bringing in the morning paper....I'd sit and stare for hours at a time. Marty is correct....you need to be very patient with yourself, and very kind, as well.....you've endured a major shock and loss. Check out the many articles that Marty has provided links to on this site....I found so many of them to be helpful. Keep coming back here to both read posts and to write your own, as well. This is a "community" of caring souls who very much "get" what you are dealing with. We can't "fix" this.....but we will listen, understand, and encourage you as you deal with losing your beloved. I hope to see you post again, soon......please take care and know you are not alone!

Dear Patty Love the picture.....you can just see the pure happiness in your faces!!! I am so glad that you made the long journey "home"....knowing how hard it would be without Ron at your side, but knowing that you needed to go, as well. There is some comfort to be found in traditions, I suppose that's why most have them. And, yes, I DO believe that Ron was there, with you......as this all had meant so much to him, as well, how could he NOT be there? I think his "gift" to you would be his assurance that he is still with you, and that he knew that your desperate hope to save him was borne of your great love for him....even if he "knew", perhaps he did not want to add to your pain and fear.....that would be from his love for you, to spare you as much pain as he could, while he could. The holidays, especially the "firsts", are very painful for so many of us now......here's hoping that we will someday be able to feel joy in them again! Hugs, Kat

Yesterday, on Christmas....I continued a tradition that Connor & I had started a few years back. Having decided that each thought the other "gift" enough, we did not gift one another, instead, we would make up "Random act of kindness" packets......in a ziploc, we would have an anonymous Christmas card, written in it a wish for a happy Christmas, blessings, and good luck.....along with scratch off lottery tickets.....along w/the card in the ziploc, would put in holiday candy.....and on the ziploc would put a sticker tag simply stating, "FOR YOU!" in bold letters. Then we'd drive about, surreptitiously placing them where they'd be found....often taping them to gas station pumps. We truly enjoyed this, and hoped someone won big.....and that at least they'd get a smile when they found one! Then we'd go out for dinner, usually to a favorite Chinese restaurant. So, I did that this year.....now in his memory.....but just got take-out at the restaurant and brought it home. Alone for the first time for Christmas this year.....but 1st and last time, moving back "home" next year and will be with my family!