Dusky

To You All, My Jack died 3 months ago today. I can hardly believe those words when I write them. When I got up this morning the tears began to flow – I can realize he is gone in my mind – but my heart apparently is too broken to accept the fact – at least on this anniversary. I know this is part of the roller coaster emotions that are especially part of the first year – the year of firsts – but it does not make it any easier when the tears are uncontrollable – and they were this morning. The time when I first wake up is always the hardest for me – it’s the realization – again – that he is gone and I must find a path without him. To mark this day I have a group of friends coming by the house to help me make 25 packets of Potpourri that I will be giving away to some of our friends, family and some of Jacks special customers. We took some of the Roses from Jacks “Celebration of Life” Ceremony and are using that along with some other flowers and then spraying it with Jacks Favorite cologne (Drakkar) to make “Jacks Potpourri”. I will also be given a way a few of Jacks shirts to these special people who are helping me today – they too want something of this Special Man to remember. One of them is going to make a pillow out of his shirt – what a neat idea. This is just one of the many ways I’m trying to bring some memorial to Jack – and share it with some of the closest people that were part of his life. And so life continues – always missing Jack – and always remembering him and making him part of my life as I move forward. My best to you all, John (Dusky on here) Love you Jack

To You All, My Jack died 3 months ago today. I can hardly believe those words when I write them. When I got up this morning the tears began to flow – I can realize he is gone in my mind – but my heart apparently is too broken to accept the fact – at least on this anniversary. I know this is part of the roller coaster emotions that are especially part of the first year – the year of firsts – but it does not make it any easier when the tears are uncontrollable – and they were this morning. The time when I first wake up is always the hardest for me – it’s the realization – again – that he is gone and I must find a path without him. To mark this day I have a group of friends coming by the house to help me make 25 packets of Potpourri that I will be giving away to some of our friends, family and some of Jacks special customers. We took some of the Roses from Jacks “Celebration of Life” Ceremony and are using that along with some other flowers and then spraying it with Jacks Favorite cologne (Drakkar) to make “Jacks Potpourri”. I will also be given a way a few of Jacks shirts to these special people who are helping me today – they too want something of this Special Man to remember. One of them is going to make a pillow out of his shirt – what a neat idea. This is just one of the many ways I’m trying to bring some memorial to Jack – and share it with some of the closest people that were part of his life. And so life continues – always missing Jack – and always remembering him and making him part of my life as I move forward. My best to you all, John (Dusky on here) Love you Jack

Ken, I just read your message – my heart goes out to you. I do understand the pain you are currently experiencing. I lost my Partner of 27 years on 7-31-05. You can read about my experience in a message I posted on here two days ago entitled – “Remembering Jack – Living in the Moment – so I won’t bother you with a lot of the details of that here – you can read that for your self. The loss of your mate is an excruciating pain – like no other I have ever felt. You are in the initial days so the tears keep coming – that is normal – and good – you need to cry when every you want to cry. I am only three months into this same experience - I still cry every day – but I can tell you what I did to help in those first few weeks. I have been reading every book I can on the subject of Grief – so far I have read 18 books – it has helped me. Grief is something that they say will get easier with time – and its length varies from person to person – but if your love was great (and it sounds like it was) then the pain of the grief and your loss will be equally as strong. I personally believe that some level of grief will be with me until the end of my life – but I do expect it to get easier. The idea is not to forget your lost love one but to find that special place in your heart where you can carry her with you forever – and I am currently trying to do just that with the memory of my lost Partner. I have also stated a memorial Scholarship in my Partners name at his High School in Michigan to provide assistance to a student every year that is pursuing a career as a Beautician. You will find as you move along in this process that you will want your wife’s memory and way she lived her life to be remembered. For me I intend to have My Jack live on – in me – by the way I live my live and in the spectacular way he always lived his live – In The Moment. Your attachment to your wife will remain with you forever – she will always be with you in your heart – and how you live your life will be the greatest tribute you can give to her. I would also suggest taking advantage of any one on one counseling that Hospice can offer you. They will counsel you (free) for 13 months after the death of your spouse. I talk to one of their counselors every two weeks. I am also going to be joining a support group – it helps to talk and talk and talk about your loved one - to anyone who will listen to you. Try to find as many people who will be willing to Listen. I can’t tell you how important that is – and unfortunately a lot of people (friend and family) – although you think they would be willing to listen to you – over and over again – may not be the people who in the end are the individuals who can handle what you need to do – and what you need to do is talk about your loss – over and over. You will find that grief will re-write your address book. People who you through would be close to you may end up not being the people you can lean on right now. Whoever are the friends and family who will listen to you take advantage of that and cultivate those relationships so you can do what is needed – and that is to talk about your Cindia. The people who you need close to you right now are the ones who are willing to listen to the same stories over and over and over again – until you don’t want to tell them any more. I think you may end up being amazed at who will end up becoming your Major Support People as you travel the initial months of your grief. Take advantage of whomever those people end up being. For me – as you will see in my posting on here – I am determined to find some meaning in the loss of my partner Jack. Please read my posting on here and it will explain how I have gotten through the first three months of this life-changing event. I am gay – I hope that this does not upset you – but when I saw your posting I though I may have something useful to share with you - in not only this message back to you - but also in the words I wrote in the posting on here – “Remember Jack – Living in the Moment”. The loss of a mate – is the loss of a mate – regardless of sexual preference. I hope some of this information is useful – One of the good things I hope to have happen from my loss is being able to reach out to someone like your self and provide help. Take care my friend – all my best, John – Handle is Dusky on here Partner of Jack

To all my new Web Site Friends, On 10-2-04 my Partner of 27 years found out he had a brain tumor. His first operation went well – and after 10 days he was release from the hospital. Although it was a very bad Cancer we had hope. Following a fall on 10-22-04 - a few hours at the emergency room and a night at home he fell into a coma and nearly died on 10-23-04. Somehow he recovered – But a stroke had now left him blind. So for the next 10 months he endured brain cancer and total blindness. He spent 16 weeks (on two separate stays) from October 04 through March 05 in the hospital. He came home on 3-15-05 and remained in our home until his death on 7-31-05. Jack was a remarkable individual. During his 10-month illness he continued to live his life (with cancer and total blindness) as he had lived life before he got sick – “In The Moment”. I would ask him many times during the course of his illness – “Are you happy”? – And he would always reply “yes”. Jack was a successful Businessman in Fountain Hill Arizona – a Hairdresser who was absolutely loved by his customers. His friend and family adored him - and I loved him as he loved me – unconditionally. I saw this “Prince of a Man” slowly lose his ability to walk – then stand – and eventually saw him bedridden – all within 10 months of perfect health. He also had periods of delusion and “thoughts” that he could see due to his Cortical Blindness I was beside my self watching him die by inches – but he approached death as he had life – Living “In The Moment”. I have never known any other individual so capable of living his entire life “In The Moment”. I am sure now that is why I was originally attracted to him 27 years ago and why I loved him so deeply. It made no difference to him whether he was perfectly healthy or seriously ill – he still lived his life one moment at a time – never in the past and never in the future. How many of us can make that statement? I am determined to live the remainder of my life in the same “In The Moment” manner as Jack – and thereby find some meaning in his death. For me the loss of my life long Partner - so early in our lives - has been a crushing experience – we were just getting ready to enjoy an early semi-retirement when he was diagnosed with brain cancer – went blind – and then died. He may have lived only 56 years - but because he lived “In the Moment” every day of his live he lived completely for each of the days of his life. I am grateful for the time we had together AND I am determined to share with others Jacks secret of living well. We all need to live “In The Moment” - it is absolutely the key to happiness AND the way to find meaning in life. Although I have been in continual grief since Jack’s death on 7-31-05 I am determined to memorialize my partner in various ways - and to pay tribute to Jack by living my life better and also “In The Moment”. I will be grieving Jack for a very long time – our love was deep and strong – so the grief will be as deep and as strong as that love. I expect it will last my lifetime in some respects – easier as time passes – but always there. My new relationship with Jack is evolving each day in my mind and in the memories I will be carrying with me as I work through this grieving process. I am new to this Web Site – and I have only been in the grieving process since 7-31-05 – but in reality I have been slowly grieving the loss of Jack since he was diagnosed in October 2004. I have slowly been losing different parts of Jack long before his body left me on 7-31-05. Grief sometimes begins long before the physical body leaves us. I have read 18 different books on grief since Jack died. I have educated myself on this long and tedious process called grief and I am determined to have Jacks death produce in me a better person. I believe I am on the right road and I am doing it “One Moment At A Time”. Al my best - to each of you - in your journey through grief. John (Dusky is my handle on here) Life Long Partner of Jack – Love you Baby

To all my new Web Site Friends, On 10-2-04 my Partner of 27 years found out he had a brain tumor. His first operation went well – and after 10 days he was release from the hospital. Although it was a very bad Cancer we had hope. Following a fall on 10-22-04 - a few hours at the emergency room and a night at home he fell into a coma and nearly died on 10-23-04. Somehow he recovered – But a stroke had now left him blind. So for the next 10 months he endured brain cancer and total blindness. He spent 16 weeks (on two separate stays) from October 04 through March 05 in the hospital. He came home on 3-15-05 and remained in our home until his death on 7-31-05. Jack was a remarkable individual. During his 10-month illness he continued to live his life (with cancer and total blindness) as he had lived life before he got sick – “In The Moment”. I would ask him many times during the course of his illness – “Are you happy”? – And he would always reply “yes”. Jack was a successful Businessman in Fountain Hill Arizona – a Hairdresser who was absolutely loved by his customers. His friend and family adored him - and I loved him as he loved me – unconditionally. I saw this “Prince of a Man” slowly lose his ability to walk – then stand – and eventually saw him bedridden – all within 10 months of perfect health. He also had periods of delusion and “thoughts” that he could see due to his Cortical Blindness I was beside my self watching him die by inches – but he approached death as he had life – Living “In The Moment”. I have never known any other individual so capable of living his entire life “In The Moment”. I am sure now that is why I was originally attracted to him 27 years ago and why I loved him so deeply. It made no difference to him whether he was perfectly healthy or seriously ill – he still lived his life one moment at a time – never in the past and never in the future. How many of us can make that statement? I am determined to live the remainder of my life in the same “In The Moment” manner as Jack – and thereby find some meaning in his death. For me the loss of my life long Partner - so early in our lives - has been a crushing experience – we were just getting ready to enjoy an early semi-retirement when he was diagnosed with brain cancer – went blind – and then died. He may have lived only 56 years - but because he lived “In the Moment” every day of his live he lived completely for each of the days of his life. I am grateful for the time we had together AND I am determined to share with others Jacks secret of living well. We all need to live “In The Moment” - it is absolutely the key to happiness AND the way to find meaning in life. Although I have been in continual grief since Jack’s death on 7-31-05 I am determined to memorialize my partner in various ways - and to pay tribute to Jack by living my life better and also “In The Moment”. I will be grieving Jack for a very long time – our love was deep and strong – so the grief will be as deep and as strong as that love. I expect it will last my lifetime in some respects – easier as time passes – but always there. My new relationship with Jack is evolving each day in my mind and in the memories I will be carrying with me as I work through this grieving process. I am new to this Web Site – and I have only been in the grieving process since 7-31-05 – but in reality I have been slowly grieving the loss of Jack since he was diagnosed in October 2004. I have slowly been losing different parts of Jack long before his body left me on 7-31-05. Grief sometimes begins long before the physical body leaves us. I have read 18 different books on grief since Jack died. I have educated myself on this long and tedious process called grief and I am determined to have Jacks death produce in me a better person. I believe I am on the right road and I am doing it “One Moment At A Time”. Al my best - to each of you - in your journey through grief. John (Dusky is my handle on here) Life Long Partner of Jack – Love you Baby

To all my new Web Site Friends, On 10-2-04 my Partner of 27 years found out he had a brain tumor. His first operation went well – and after 10 days he was release from the hospital. Although it was a very bad Cancer we had hope. Following a fall on 10-22-04 - a few hours at the emergency room and a night at home he fell into a coma and nearly died on 10-23-04. Somehow he recovered – But a stroke had now left him blind. So for the next 10 months he endured brain cancer and total blindness. He spent 16 weeks (on two separate stays) from October 04 through March 05 in the hospital. He came home on 3-15-05 and remained in our home until his death on 7-31-05. Jack was a remarkable individual. During his 10-month illness he continued to live his life (with cancer and total blindness) as he had lived life before he got sick – “In The Moment”. I would ask him many times during the course of his illness – “Are you happy”? – And he would always reply “yes”. Jack was a successful Businessman in Fountain Hill Arizona – a Hairdresser who was absolutely loved by his customers. His friend and family adored him - and I loved him as he loved me – unconditionally. I saw this “Prince of a Man” slowly lose his ability to walk – then stand – and eventually saw him bedridden – all within 10 months of perfect health. He also had periods of delusion and “thoughts” that he could see due to his Cortical Blindness I was beside my self watching him die by inches – but he approached death as he had life – Living “In The Moment”. I have never known any other individual so capable of living his entire life “In The Moment”. I am sure now that is why I was originally attracted to him 27 years ago and why I loved him so deeply. It made no difference to him whether he was perfectly healthy or seriously ill – he still lived his life one moment at a time – never in the past and never in the future. How many of us can make that statement? I am determined to live the remainder of my life in the same “In The Moment” manner as Jack – and thereby find some meaning in his death. For me the loss of my life long Partner - so early in our lives - has been a crushing experience – we were just getting ready to enjoy an early semi-retirement when he was diagnosed with brain cancer – went blind – and then died. He may have lived only 56 years - but because he lived “In the Moment” every day of his live he lived completely for each of the days of his life. I am grateful for the time we had together AND I am determined to share with others Jacks secret of living well. We all need to live “In The Moment” - it is absolutely the key to happiness AND the way to find meaning in life. Although I have been in continual grief since Jack’s death on 7-31-05 I am determined to memorialize my partner in various ways - and to pay tribute to Jack by living my life better and also “In The Moment”. I will be grieving Jack for a very long time – our love was deep and strong – so the grief will be as deep and as strong as that love. I expect it will last my lifetime in some respects – easier as time passes – but always there. My new relationship with Jack is evolving each day in my mind and in the memories I will be carrying with me as I work through this grieving process. I am new to this Web Site – and I have only been in the grieving process since 7-31-05 – but in reality I have been slowly grieving the loss of Jack since he was diagnosed in October 2004. I have slowly been losing different parts of Jack long before his body left me on 7-31-05. Grief sometimes begins long before the physical body leaves us. I have read 18 different books on grief since Jack died. I have educated myself on this long and tedious process called grief and I am determined to have Jacks death produce in me a better person. I believe I am on the right road and I am doing it “One Moment At A Time”. Al my best - to each of you - in your journey through grief. John (Dusky is my handle on here) Life Long Partner of Jack – Love you Baby