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Dimcl, My thoughts are with you...

Di Thanks for the reminder, he actually did say "It's just the flu I don't need to go to the hospital". I guess we forget those things.. Allana

Oh that awful guilt..it will eat you alive if you let it.. I too feel it. My husband very suddenly came down with what I thought was the flu..very same symptons..when he did not get any better after 3 days I took him to emergency where he was admitted with sepsis (infection in the blood). He only got worse...I was with him the whole time by his side but he slept so much we never really where able to talk at any length. They took him to ICU and intubated him so we still couldn't talk. He was sedated heavily so he could rest and fight harder. The doctor still believed he could make it but his liver and kidneys started shutting down and they had to put him on kidney dialysis. The doctor called me very early the next morning and said he had taken a turn for the worse and they wanted to talk to me about taking him off life support. I spoke to him not knowing if he heard me. We never had the chance for a conversation. I feel so bad about that. Did he know I loved him? I also wonder if I had taken him to the hospital sooner would he still be alive? These questions haunt me!

Yes, when I hear people suggest they need a break now I usually say "don't wish that you are lucky to have each other". Even though I used to say it myself but now look at it so differently.

I feel the same with my friends...I hesitate to say anything because I don't want the glares... My best friend never once asked me and that truly hurts. She is very hidden with her emotions and I do try to remember that but it still hurts.

You are definetly right...that is what the forum is about.. This is the place that we all understand and grieving is what we are all doing!! Hugs Allana

Melina It is definitely different for all of us but I agree with NancyL. I felt the same regarding reminders. I took Cecil's meds to the pharmacy and donated clothes that he did not wear. I still have the ones he wore in his closet. I gave away some of his personal things to the kids. He had so many tools that I know I would never need so gave them to his son. It is very hard for all of us whichever path we need to take. It is 8 wks for me and I still cry just like you. Some days a little and others alot. No rhyme or reason which day or what will trigger it. Take care Allana

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and ideas, they will help with the upcoming holiday season. Allana

I guess it still amazes me on a daily basis how much Jeff's death has had such a profound impact on EVERY aspect of our lives.....who would have thought that even picking out a Christmas card would become such a monumental task?! Wow, that statement is so true. I feel exactly that way..every day is a new challenge with Cecil gone. I hadn't even thought about Christmas cards and now wondering if I will even do them this year. As NATS said you are generating some positives in your life and I applaud you for it Perkins! Allana

Wow, it is like Deb and Korina are ready my mind!!! Hugs to all Allana

Carol Ann As Tammy, Korina and Marty have said we all feel your pain and it is not your fault. This was a decision made by Melissa. We are all there for you. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us it was very brave of you. Wish I could give you a hug too...that's what I miss so much the "hugs". Take care Allana

situations where there are happy couples living their lives and I have difficulty dealing with that right now. I feel very uncomfortable in this situation also. I feel jealous and know that that is not fair to them. But why did I lose my spouse?? It's not fair! I feel like a third wheel, so try and avoid them. It is very hard losing that one person who shared your life and new you so well. It is very hard for others to know how we feel unless they have walked in our shoes. I can't imagine sharing my life with anyone else. Hugs Allana

NancyL I too am alone in the house. I do feel comfort here but on the other hand being alone I have a hard time getting motivated. I miss my hubby so much. I too hate to rely on others as they have their own lives. My television is always on. When I go to stores I make an effort to talk to the clerks but it is not the same. We have lost the chatting with the one person who understood and it is very hard. Only someone who has lost a spouse can understand. Take care Allana

Sorry for your loss. You have indeed taken the first step by joining this website! It has been very helpful to me. My loss was 8 wks ago tomorrow. You can go on the site anytime day or night with your questions, concerns or just for reading others discussions. You will definitely find some comfort as I have. Take care and hugs Allana

I may be alive/surviving, but Im not living.... Amen to that statement.

Cheryl I think what you are going through is very normal. Grieving is normal and everyone walks the path differently at different time lines. I lost my husband just shy of 8 weeks ago. I am up and down like a yoyo. You share a life with someone and it is hard to get over this loss. I saw my therapist last week and she told me that the firsts are always the worst but that for unknown reasons one first may effect me but not another person. There is no rhyme or reason to grieving. You are normal as all of us are. Hugs Allana

Tammy What a wonderful way to think. I am so glad you shared this with us. I will try and remember this. Another thought is when you cry go ahead and do so then when you are finished think of a positive memory of your loved one. Allana

I am in my 7th week and it is still so overwhelming. Do what is right for you and say no if you have to. I myself have a hard time saying no but in the last few weeks have learned I must do it for me. Hugs Allana

I think we should be giving ourselves credit for just getting out of bed everyday!! As Tammy said, she is so right.. I do get out of bed but I have a hard time going on from there. When people are here I can accomplish things but alone it is hard.

Hi Sally Sorry for your loss too. Keep watching and participating in this site it is a great help. I am the first of any of my friends to lose a spouse. You are fortunate that you have friends that understand your grief even though it was years ago. I have a challenge every morning getting going but do find if I do get my shower and get dressed right away it does help. Just take one day at a time. Take care Allana

wmjsca "A thought that came to me during the wake - how could I be surrounded by 400 people....and still feel so all alone?! And the answer was simple. The one person I shared the most with in this world was gone. I can no longer feel his strong arms around me, I can no longer hear his whispers in my ear or see his encouraging smile.....but somehow I still draw strength from him" I felt just like the above statement that Tammy made. It is not an easy road that we are taking. One day at a time. Each day will be different and you will be up and down like a roller coaster. It has been 6 wks for me and I still can't believe that I have lost my solemate. We had so many plans and he went just like that... Hopefully you will find support through this amazing group of people as I have. My prayers are with you now and tomorrow. Hugs Allana

Thank you all for your kind words. We are all in the same situation and yes it is one day at a time..I too feel almost dead emotionally yet I can still cry. I took my husband off facebook yesterday but put him back on today. People still want to send messages and I do too, not ready to end his account. Again thanks to all and hopefully you will have a peaceful night. Allana

Well yesterday I went to my Grandsons birthday party. It started out okay but near the end I started feeling uncomfortable so I left, did a few errands then went home. I started crying in the car realizing I was alone....lots of family and friends but my husband was not coming home. I was alone! He passed 5 weeks ago but this hit me hard yesterday....I got into my pjs and cried a lot during the evening. I stayed in my pjs today and did not do much. The feeling of aloneness was not as bad today but I needed to just hibernate. It really did hit me hard on Saturday.

What a wonderful idea. I am glad the day turned into a positive thing for you.

Hi MZM I am off on short term disability from my job. So I know what you are talking about. I have already gone through our Canadian Thanksgiving not even 1 month after my husband passed. I could not face work that is the last thing on my mind. I will go back but need this time. Most days I keep busy but there are some that I have a hard time getting through. Good luck to you and keep us updated. Allana