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It definitely is not SICK.. I did take my husband off and I had several people upset, so I reopened it. It seems to be very comforting to not only me but his close family and friends. Allana

It is going to be even harder for us over the next few days. My sincere thoughts and wishes go out to all of you. Please try and remember some of the positives...we I am sure have lots of precious moments to remember. Please take care and have some moments of happiness.. Hugs Allana

I too am having a bad day Melina. I am still in my PJs and have done nothing. The grief is overwhelming.. My husband became sick on a long weekend. We had several plans but he ended up in the hospital. I thought he would get better and because he was so tired I let him sleep and didn't get a chance to say all that I wish I had. Hind sight...the next thing I new he was intubated and we could not communicate. He did not make it which shocked everyone. I hope he knows how much he meant to me!!! Allana

Thank all of you for sharing..it makes me feel better. I have been doubting my faith but now feel more comfort. My husband passed very unexpectedly and suddenly... Thanks again Allana

I don't seem to have that problem with people pitying me any longer. At four and a half months, I think most people seem to hold the attitude that it's time for me to move on and "be normal" again. That can be a challenge too. Isn't that sad...we should move on...hopefully they never go through what we are going through. llynch, thanks for sharing that note.

Sorry I was not on yesterday to support you Melina. I hope you did something positive...please feel better. Allana

I also have to agree. You can be in a room of people but still feel alone. It is an awful feeling. I feel empty and kind of segregated from the world. I would rather go shopping by myself then with someone else. The house is empty but I feel comfort in it (if that makes sense). It is a tough path we are walking. Hugs Allana

I too can relate Tammy with an exwife.. My husband and I were married 13 wonderful years. He did have a bad first marriage as I did. When he was in intensive care his 4 grown children were there as well as my 2. I told my step kids that if their Mom wanted to go and see him I had no problem with it..well in hind site I am sorry for doing that. She continued visiting and bringing others, then at the funeral home she made herself very visible at both visitations. At the actual funeral she actually had the nerve of sitting with the immediate family in a special room on the side taking a space that should have been used by someone else. A few weeks later my one stepdaughter was visiting, the ex picked her up and started asking me all sorts of questions about my husband's medications and so much more. My stepdaughter was devasted, I felt so bad for her. Then my other stepdaughter was visiting from England and her Mom brought her by on their way to the airport. The ex was going to stay in the car but I said she was welcome to come in, which she did. We had a nice visit ( my stepdaughter had told her Mom not to mention her Dad). When they were leaving she started questioning me about the silverware ( which I never wanted or used) and a needlepoint. I told her it was all taken care of with the kids. My stepdaughter was so upset with her Mom. I feel so bad for the kids...so I tolerate her but it hurts... My stepson wanted me to come for dinner with the Mom and I said that was fine but the Ex refused. Now they have to have 2 dinners, which again is not fair to the kids. It is horrible what they do to us. I have already given the kids what was important to them that was their Fathers...I would never keep them away or say no to them but the ex needs to butt out. Hugs to all of us Allana

Wow exactly like I feel.... Motivation is not there...I am doing things but feel like I am a robot. Life has changed so drastically for all of us...I myself am still up and down like a rollercoaster.. Thanks for everyones continued support. Allana

So sorry for your loss Loretta. I lost my husband very unexpectedly 3 months ago yesterday. It is very hard but you are among friends within this group and we all help each other. The holidays are going to be hard for all of us but we need to support each other. It was suggested that journaling was helpful, I started to do it and it does help. Also writing a letter to your husband. I purchased a candle to put on the table Christmas Day to light and have my husband's spirit there. I plan on using this candle every year. Hugs Allana

Welcome Suzzer It is a wonderful site...and we all are at different stages but have been through or are going through the same pain and journey. I lost my husband very suddenly and it will be 3 months tomorrow. It is like a roller coaster...our feelings change daily even hourly... Take care and keep the faith Allana

Thank you for the suggestion...I am going to write one to my husband tonight..this is a wonderful idea!! Allana

That was so inspirational...I hope I get there one day..I am only starting my journey also. It will be 3 months tomorrow. Thanks so much for the hope.. Allana

Tracy, what you said is so true. It is like you read my mind! Everyone has their advice and their opinions and it can get so overwhelming. Thanks so much for sharing! Allana

Thanks for sharing the poem.

Karebare725, I only have step children to consider, parents are all deceased. But I think you should extend the invitation. Let them say yes or no, but you will be the bigger person. Hugs Allana

Thanks everyone.. It is very comforting to be able to share with others who know exactly what we are going through, Carol Ann, I am going to start a jounal today. Hugs Allana

I understand totally what you are all saying. It is my first also. I was at my therapist yesterday and she suggested I do not close myself off over the holidays and if I have an invitation to go and stay even for an hour then excuse myself. Hope this suggestion helps.

I am having Christmas here also. My daughters are doing most of the work which is a huge help. So I will be with my daughters, spouses and grandsons which I am looking forward to. My one daughter and 2 grandsons are spending the night Christmas Eve and we will open presents together. My stepdaughter will also be coming and my son-in-laws father (who lost his wife early Jan/10). I am sure the day will be bitter sweet but we will all be together and that is what it is all about. Allana

wmjsca, thanks for your reply. I have no one to take care of they are all out on their own. I do work full time but my doctor wants me off right now. I was taking care of all the paperwork and starting to pack. I do have to sell my house and have to prepare for that. Every night I plan on what I will do the next day but here I sit. I have inquired about a support group but have to wait until January when the next one starts. Allana

I am having such a hard time with motivation. I get up in the morning make my coffee sit on the couch make calls, email and watch TV...think of all the things I should be doing but keep sitting... I was much more motivated in the beginning but have lost it some how..my sister in law is so full of energy and can't understand why I am not..it brings me down when she calls with such vim and vigor..and I feel soo guilty! Hope someone can give me suggestions and share what works for them.. Thanks for listening Allana

Melina, how well you described what I am going though also...Chutes and Ladders I keep feeling anxious as well. It is an awful feeling in your stomach that makes you feel sick.. No one knows what we are going through unless they have walked in our shoes. Allana

Before Cec passed I too did not think I could ever have an urn in my house full of ashes. Guess what that is what I did and feel comfort with it here in my living room. I had it engraved and it sits by his picture along with a toy school bus that he had in his school bus. Some of the ashes I spread around our back yard as he took such pride in our home and all the work he did to it. I would like to get a pocket urn too. NATS where did you find it?? I wear his wedding band on my thumb and it gives me great comfort. Whatever gives us comfort is important! Allana

Wow sounds like we experienced a simular horrible situation.