mfh

From Megan Devine's post (Refuge in Grief) on Facebook

So don't do anything fancy. Just rest in your groundlessness and witness what happens. Be willing to not know. See if the God of Love shows up when you fire all the other gods. The god of "I'm a good person; bad things shouldn't happen to me." The "only-people-who-look-like-I-do-are-worthy" god. The god who makes sense. The gods you put in boxes bar your way to the Infinite. Let them go.

Dear Shalady,

I am sorry you had such a difficult day seeing some of the aides who helped your husband. As strange as it may sound, being able to sob with people who cared for him is something to treasure and is healing. I am still in contact with Bill's caregiver's (those who came in at home and helped me a couple of times a week). I find being in contact with them does indeed bring forth tears but is also consoling because they knew him and knew what he and I went through.

It is indeed a process and one that goes on forever but with work and time, becomes a quiet part of you. I am glad you are soothed by music. You might check the Meditation string in the Tools forum also. Yes, we are always here for you.

Here is a chance to get a FREE copy of one of Marty's ebooks. As the holidays approach this will be helpful to everyone who has lost someone or who knows someone who has lost someone.

I know Marty's work very well and I can't say enough about the value of what she authors. We all know Marty is too humble to tell you wonderful this free book is....but I am telling you. Thanks to her publisher for this opportunity.

Grief Triggers and Positive Memory: A Continuum

http://www.whatsyourgrief.com/grief-triggers-positive-memories-continuum/

.....I couldn’t find an actual definition for ‘grief trigger’ so I’m going to go ahead and define it for you. A grief trigger is anything that brings up memories related to a loss. Triggers may be obvious and easy to anticipate – like a birthday or a holiday – or they may be surprising – like spotting someone who looks like your loved one in a crowd. A grief trigger might tie to an obvious memory or emotion or it may be something that flashes into consciousness and merely leaves you with a sense of sadness and yearning.

Grief triggers are troubling because they open the floodgate for involuntary autobiographical memories. These are the memories that pop into your head without any effort on your part to recall them. They might hit you out of nowhere as you’re driving down the street, sitting at your desk at work, or while you’re microwaving popcorn. Many of these memories are innocuous while others, especially those associated with deceased loved ones, can leave you with a veritable range of feelings.......

This FREE program starts today. Worth a looksee and do. http://www.mentorschannel.com/WildDivine/HealingRhythms/LandingPage/885/?aff_id=1014&off_id=110

Helps with stress and is there anyone here who does not need help with stress?

This is the link to DAY 1 but you need to register on the previous link. http://www.mentorschannel.com/WildDivine/HealingRhythms/Program/

This is beautiful, Marty. Thank you for posting it.

I am so very sorry for your loss and especially for how it happened. I can only imagine how distraught you are. It is so difficult to lose a pet but these circumstances just makes it oh so much harder. This happened to a friend of mine many years ago and I have heard her tell me the story with tears in her eyes. Your warning is a wise one as it is so easy to forget to check places where cats and even small dogs can hide. I am sorry.

Getting away for a few days sounds like a great thing to do. To be with someone who is safe and caring for a while. You will need a lot of ME time and take it....take all you need.

Karen dear, it seems like it is getting harder because the shock and fog start to wear off and you start to really realize your loss. Showers are very common places for grieving folks to cry and crying is actually a healing thing to do. I do understand grief having been through it with many losses especially the latest of my own husband and I, like everyone here, felt like crying and screaming. I know this is very difficult and the way through it is just what you are doing...i.e. one day at a time. I am so sorry your worksite is so unforgiving as to correct you at a time like this. It happens on many many worksites. When you are ready, down the road, you will probably start a job hunt. Right now it is time to just take care of yourself.

Elle, you are truly amazing and strong. I honor your willingness to be true to yourself. No one, no one should ask anything of you right now...nothing. Stay strong. As I said, many here,including me are months and even years out from losing our spouses and still have not gone through everything or even a few things in many instances.

Yes, fae. Bill did all that needed to be done to our cars. I hear you loud and clear. Same with fixing things around the house. I never realized how much he saved us though I had a good idea. Glad you saw color today. I did the same as I drove to Galena, IL where we started our life together and where my dentist is...the colors were breathtaking and yes, all I needed to be pure joy was Bill sitting next to me. I know, fae. I know.

Mary, the falling leaves are a mix around here. Some maples still have all their leaves while mine is all but bare. Not sure why except that each variety may shed at a different time and the amount of sun each gets matters. The heights of mine also matters as it is so big that the top leaves get blown off easily.

Don't you hate automobile expenses? I just spent a heap on mine and though I know it is needed I hate turning that money over for things like that. I bet we all do.

QMary, so glad Sassy reached her goal. Weight is so important for a dog and especially for those hind legs. Good for you. I can't imagine how sad it was to hear the conversation about Faith. It opens the wound which is barely protected.

Bentley is still holding his own. His weight is right on target. His appetite is good. I will take him next week in to get his weight and have the vet check his lymph nodes etc. He gets groomed in two weeks and is sorely in need of it as I forgot to schedule and though my groomer who is a good friend always offers to come in on a day off I won't do that so he is a mess. I am the only one who seems to notice thought....Thanks for asking.

http://www.whatsyourgrief.com/dealing-with-the-anniversary-of-a-loved-ones-death/

Dealing with the Anniversary of a Loved One's Death. This article includes 30 ideas.

I love the poem...thank you.

On fear with Pema Chodron with Oprah

What to do When Life Falls Apart

With gratitude for its beauty....now those leaves have created a lovely lawn. Next comes the mower to mulch them....in preparation for snow.

Yes, Anne! With gratitude.

As generous as it is that adult children want their parent/s to move to be near them, I don't think until they ARE that older person they will comprehend all it takes to consider giving up the life we know, especially after losing so much of it, to start over knowing that as well intentioned as they are, they are busy with their own lives and the older parent is doing all the adjusting. I have seen some friends go through that and it is tough stuff.

My lawn, I was told, look like cranberry sauce when you add oranges to it. I will post a picture later. I would say 80% of the leaves on adorning my lawn and will be there until 98% of the leaves join them. Then my yard guy will use his lawn weapons and mulch all of them and I will wait for this glorious tree to repeat its autumn display again in 2015. our village is putting in new sewers and in order to get the grant to help pay for it, have removed many many many beautiful, old, magnificent trees from the main drag (so far). The street which was incredibly lovely is now looking like a war zone. Yes, they will plant more small trees and one person went to bat to fight to make them trees that are local to our area.

fae, yes on the music. I usually have some Indian flute or New Age music, Enya etc. I use to do an all day workshop on music, color and our body/minds using some of Steven Halpern's stuff. The chakras correlate with colors and music and as we move up the spine the music that correlates get softer and more gentle. The 6th chakra being Gregorian Chant and the 7th being silence. The hard rock correlates with the lower chakras of anger and fear which is what our kids are listening to in ear buds....and we wonder why there is so much anger and fear in our society.

Some chant to soothe your souls:

A bit of Enya:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uZ91KDaW7kc

And some relaxing classical

And finally Steve Halpern music

https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=steve+halpern+chakra+music

I am so sorry about this latest medical report. You said you do not know how to handle this but in reality you are handling it the way we all do: one day and one moment at a time. Talk to her, share with her, let her talk to you, talk about the medical report with her, just enjoy her while she is here. Cry your tears with her if that is appropriate and alone or with others. Journal your feelings.

You said your emotions are "totally out of control"? What does that mean? How does that look?