Tom19

Whatever you do, don't ever feel like you didn't do anything, you gave everything but sometimes your best won't be good enough for anyone, the one person they truely want is no longer here and so to them, nothing means what it used to. Fern told me she had changed and so she broke up with me out of care for me, that she didn't want it to be one sided, maybe it's the same for you? You're right, right now it's all about them, no one else, it's time for them to find themselves again, to find a way of life without that special person. Fern loved me, she might still love me but nothing can replace that love of a parent, it's hard to understand, I still don't understand but I respect Fern's wishes and leave her be, she doesn't want me in her life, yeah she says she's confused but I'd rather stay away for her, and to protect myself and to give myself a chance to heal too and move on. I would send a little text this weekend, just saying that you're thinking of him or something. Nothing too much and nothing to put any sort of pressure onto the situation, if he doesn't reply, then at least you tried.

Fern's going on holiday on the 1st July with her friends for a week, part of me is happy that she seems to be kind of getting there and hopefully she has a good time and maybe after that she can really start to pick up. But then another part of me is annoyed and angry at the fact she can throw me away yet jet off 2,000 miles to a different country! I can hardly say anything to her about it either!

I know how hard this is not to take personally, sometimes I think about it and get angry but Fern's done exactly the same to me as what your boyfriend is doing to you. Fern told me I've done nothing wrong and she doesn't know herself why she's chose just to push me away so I'm guessing your boyfriend will be the same. For now, having a relationship is just too much for them, they're probably scared to lose someone who's so close to them again and so they push us away to protect them. It seems like me and Fern had a very similar relationship to yours and so I can see where you're coming from, and for dropping you a line every now and then, they probably just don't know what to say unfortunately. Don't contact them, maybe a little text or e-mail now and then but not too much and maybe things will be okay again in the future, but for now, just try and focus on you, do things you like and stay busy as it will hit you hardest when you're alone.

Realised that whenever things in my life annoy me, it makes me want to just be able to go to Fern and rant to her about everything! I miss being able to do that and it does affect me. Finally though I've finished my education so that's a great weight off of my shoulders!

I'm going to try and do as much as is physically possible whilst I'm out there, like you said, it gives me something to look forward to. It's strange, I actually feel like I want to keep coming on here now just to keep in touch, even if I haven't got anything at all to say about Fern, which isn't a lot just lately anyway!

We do get snow in winter, but not much! With America being such a big country I think I'd have to come traveling over there for the year or two to see everything.

Don't take it personally, it's just what they need right now. It takes a lot for us to understand, I still don't understand but I respect my ex's wishes and I'm now trying to move on after 6 weeks of trying to talk to her. There's nothing we can do to help them unless we bring back that person they want in their lives. Maybe one day they will realise what they have given up, Fern's friends used to tell her that they all thought she had the perfect relationship with me, something Fern thought as well but losing her Dad changed her and changed things for us, there's no one else in the world they want apart from that one person they can't have. My advice would be to protect yourself, retreat and focus on you! If they come back great, if not, remember it's not your fault, it's not their fault but it's just something that happened and you can't chance how they feel. You'll be fine in time, I promise.

Yeah, I live in a place called Leicester in England. We're pretty much slap bang in the middle of the country, so unfortunately no beaches or anything like that for me! It's one of England's oldest cities dating back over 2000 years actually and there's plenty of Roman remains in places. Temperature wise we're rather similar, in the winter it's usually 44F and in the summer it's generally around 70F. It's not the best place in the world but it's home at the end of the day! I've not done massive amounts of traveling in my life yet, I've been to Scotland, Wales, France, Holland, Spain and Belgium. So at least I can tick off America next year.

Yeah, I feel much better if I keep busy! And yeah, I've never been America before!

I guess it's true when they say that you hurt the ones you love. Or something like that anyway. Because I was the closest to her, I was the one who she took it out on. It's horrible, but it's life and I'm going to try and move on as best as I can. I still have a lot of care and feelings for her but last night is the last time I'll cry over Fern. I'll forever have some amazing memories with her and I'm happy that I got to have such a good relationship in my teenage years. Planning for next years holiday with my three best friends is under way, we're going to Las Vegas for my 21st, and I can't wait for it! Miri, I know your situation is different and so this may not be the case but Fern was always like if she wanted something, that's how it would be, she feels confused and she doesn't know what she wants but she thinks it's best not to be with me, or have me around and so that's what she'll do and has done. I don't know if your partner is the same but try and be strong, don't let this ruin your great memories, I'll always have our pictures and the things she brought me, and I can look back now and smile because Fern loved me and I made her happy.

Well I went round, and got part of my stuff! Still a few things, which I kept asking her for but she wouldn't get them and said that she wanted me to leave because she was watching something with her Mum. She wouldn't even let me in her house, she actually shut the door on me when she went and fetched my things. I asked if we could talk, she said go on then, talk. I asked her why she's just blocked me out of her life and she doesn't know why, and that I've done nothing wrong but that I'm the past. So the past represents bad memories of her Dad meaning I can't be in her life. She told me that she didn't want to be friends and that was that. She also had a go at me because she's having a bad week? That much of a bad week that she can book a holiday with all her girl friends and go to work? I really just feel like asking this girl out that I've met who works near me out on a date or something! I've never been so upset and angry at the same time, my blood was really boiling! Maybe she doesn't know what she's doing or thinking? But this has really affected me as well, but she fails to see it.

Thank you for the birthday messages! I feel like that's it though for me and Fern, it's been 6 weeks now and we've not spoken once, yesterday was the first time she had text me in a month. I'm now 20 and I don't want to be sat around all the time thinking about my first love. I need to focus on myself, my work, my degree and just exercising to make myself look and feel better. These past 6 weeks have been so hurtful because I've tried everything in order to try and help Fern or just to get her to open up a little but there's been nothing. I don't want to be sat here all the time feeling low and rubbish about myself because of someone that doesn't care about me. So tonight I'm just going to go around Fern's and get my things, if she doesn't want to talk she doesn't have to but I'm done. I guess this has had such a massive affect on her and I'm not going to blame her for what's happened, I miss the old Fern, my Fern! Maybe one day she'll realise that she lost someone who would do anything for her.

I don't have much time right now but I know how you feel and I know how much it hurts. I'll post a longer reply later on today when I have more time on my hands. For now, just try and stay busy, spend extra time with friends and family and do things that will help keep your mind off things. If you have a job make sure you go work, works probably been the best place for me over the past 6 weeks since my ex broke up with me after her Dad passed away. Believe me you will be okay! I'm not 100% yet and it will take time but you'll pull through. Like I said, I'll post a longer, more helpful post later on.

Recieved a text from Fern half an hour ago saying "Happy Birthday. Hope you have a good day. x" Really don't know what to say back to her! She hasn't spoke to me for 4 weeks!

Happy Birthday to me! Kind of in two minds about things right now, happy because it's my birthday, sad because it should have been two years for me and Fern.

That's what I'm trying to do, doing a bit of overtime at work today to keep me busy! Getting a new puppy tomorrow as well! Then it's my birthday on Tuesday!

Hello! Nope nothings been sorted yet! Nothings really happened since, of course if something did happen then I would have posted on here anyway to tell you about it. Loving the new car! Had a decent drive out to Rugby today in it which is a good 45 minutes each way from Leicester, was good!

I guess so but I don't really know a thing at the moment!

Well I seen Fern today as I was walking past her work, we both waved and so I went over to her. Asked about my stuff, she said that she would bring it round next week for me. So we'll see if she actually does or not! Also spoke to Fern's Mum today, she described Fern as 'plodding along' at the moment. I hated seeing her, I really did, it just seems so different, nothing like the happiness we once had on each others faces when we met.

It's what annoys me, that she can be with everyone else apart from me! She doesn't speak to me, and doesn't even have the decency to sort my things out and give me the money she owes me back. She also took my camera out on a night out with her! My camera, not hers. Sometimes I just feel like I should forget it all and just go and get my stuff whether she likes it or not, but I'm not insensitive and I care about her, so I wouldn't think of upsetting her, although I just feel like she's trying to walk all over me.

Hey, firstly I'm ever so sorry for your loss, my thoughts are with you and I hope that one day things will be as normal as possible for you. Secondly, there's people on this forum that will be much more help than me as I've never actually experienced the loss of a parent, but I can tell from the experience of my girlfriend, well ex-girlfriend now, that grief can have a huge affect on education. She is a little older than yourself but she also lost her Dad back in February. She went back to College 5 weeks after her Dad's passing but didn't last and just ended up crying everyday and now she's quit education altogether. No one can force you into doing something you don't want to, no one can talk to you like they understand because they won't, grief is unique to the person and that person will deal with it in their own way. Now, this isn't me saying stop going school but if you don't feel like you can go, then don't, take your time, and do things in your own time, as like I said before, it's all about you, no one else. I hope this helps a little.

Just on a bit of a downer right now, I hate it when I get like this! My Mum's on holiday and my Dad's at work so it's just me and my dog at home. Makes me feel so alone. It's just me now, no more 'us', 'we', 'our' etc. I hate not being able to do things for her, it made me feel happy knowing she was, but now I don't have a clue what she feels anymore, whether she cares if anything happened to me anymore. I hate how that she used to love me and now it seems like she doesn't want to know. I hate how painful this whole experience is for me, yet Fern's pain is a 1000 times more. I miss everything about her.

That's it, although it's 5 door and not the 3 door that is shown on the picture. Yeah, it's not really nice thinking about it, although there's nothing I can do about what's go on. I don't really know what I feel anymore, I tried everything and at least I know that, even if Fern might not have appreciated what I tried to do.

It's on Tuesday 7th June, so just over a week to go! Would have been our 2 year mark as well. I got a Peugeot 107 in electric blue, I can't wait to pick it up on Tuesday!

Well I got my new car! I'm picking it up on Tuesday! Can't wait to get it, something to look forward to anyway! Hope things start to improve for you quickly! Got my last week of my teenage years next week, then I'm going to be 20! With regards to Fern, still not heard anything from her. Don't know whether she's gone for good now, again it's not something anyone can put a time one. Wonder if she will say happy birthday or anything next week.