Tom19

You have a life as well, I don't think they expect us to wait around for them anyway so don't feel like you should, the only thing that waiting will do is hurt you more. Without sounding too harsh, if there's been no signs of them actually trying to get in touch now then there might not be much chance of it happening in the future either. I'm learning to live without Fern, she was my life for the last two years, we did everything together but it's over now. I was fine without her before we met, I'll be fine without her now she's gone. No one is responsible for your own happiness except from you. I'm young, I'm 20, I have a lot to look forward to and a lot of people to meet out there. Right now, I don't want anyone else, I wouldn't feel right with it, I just want time to myself, to enjoy being young and single, to focus on my lifestyle and my career. I have a degree to finish, and I want to be able to make something of myself in my current job, it's easier to move through the ranks now you're young instead of waiting until later in life, I'm a more exciting prospect for management at my age now as they can develop me in their own way instead of say if I was 40, I'd have my own ways of doing things. Wait as long as you think is healthy, but don't wait for ever, no one is worth waiting forever for as no one can give time back.

I'll give her all the space she wants from now on, all I ever asked for was one little line from her saying what she finally as done, yet it was like I had to force it from her. I don't see why I should respect her when she treats me like crap? I can't understand it, she's not going to give me a insight into it yet she can go off doing whatever she wants.

She never replied after I laid into her. She needs to be told, she can go on holiday with her friends, she can do whatever with everyone else but she can't even speak to me! It's actually nearly 5 months since her Dad passed away, it's been nearly 3 months since we broke up. She needs to know that the world doesn't revolve around her, she needs to wake up and smell the coffee. I'd love for her to want me back, just so I could turn around and crush her into the ground when I laugh in her face. No one has ever wound me up so much and felt me so angry in my entire life, it's a good job she wasn't saying that to my face cause I would have lost all control with it. This is going to come across as me being cruel etc. But no, too many people are nice to her, too many people will pretend to be her friend, too many people will let her do what she likes without a care in the world. Well I f****** care for her, I was there to comfort her, I was the one who helped her by, I was the one who answered her calls and ran around for her whilst she was struggling to deal with it all! So I have the right to tell her what I feel and to give her something to think about! I'm feeling like rubbish because I'm ill right now, but today Fern crossed a line. She can have her wish, I won't get in touch with her again, forget it, forget her. She can burn my stuff if she wants, I couldn't care anymore.

Finally had enough of everything so decided to text Fern, she replied with a lovely text: (Mind the swearing, she's classy!) "Will you leave me the **** alone. I don't have to text back to every pointless stupid text. I don't have to give you a reason why. You'll get all your s*** back but not right now whilst I'm being sick. Don't text me, don't talk to me until I talk to you." Such a lovely person these days! Anyway I replied with: "Get the the **** off your high horse. Don't give me s*** when you've been so pathetic about everything. It's been nearly 3 months! I forgot it was all my fault over what happened. You're a joke. I love how one day you was planning things etc then the next you completely changed your mind. I've never done anything wrong to you, I would have done anything for you. Plus they were hardly pointless texts. And leave out the personal insults, I've never said a bad word about you. A little bit of communication from you would've meant I wouldn't have had to resort to nagging you! Think about it!"

This is so strange how our situations are so similar! Fern's back from Greece and is celebrating her birthday back home this weekend too. I would have been there for this event the past two years, not anymore. I was invited out the other night to a pub quiz night with the group of friends that me and Fern would usually be with. They're more Fern's friends than mine but I went along anyway as Fern wasn't there. I doubt I'll be invited along to much more now that Fern's back. She can't even reply back saying thank you to a happy birthday text, yet she managed to text me on mine and I responded saying thank you. I agree though, things shouldn't be like this, just remember, which is hard sometimes, but we haven't done anything wrong.

I don't understand, I'll never understand. I'll never get the chance to speak to Fern about things, nor will she be willing to explain things or attempt to get in touch with me. When I was the one who sat with her, held her, wiped her tears away for two whole months without complaining once, or moaning that we wasn't seeing each other etc. Then one day she just gives up and cuts me out. I wish her the best, I hope she's happy and having a good time in life and is no longer feeling so down about everything but part of me feels like she's a bitch, she doesn't deserve happiness because of how she's treated me, someone she loved! With regards to myself, I've really started to work out, eat better etc. I've been doing it since Wednesday and I've already lost 1kg! My aim is to lose another 13kg by the end of this year, and then look at toning myself up really. It will make me feel more confident and increase my chances of finding someone else, will also give me the time to fully get Fern out of my mind. Holiday plans have changed as Las Vegas worked out over £4000! So instead we're going to Turkey on the 8th July 2012 for a lads holiday. Will be the youngest going at 21 years old, will be a good time and it's something to look forward to, even if it is a year away!

Thought I was doing great but I'm on a downer currently. Really feels like every 2 weeks I'll get down about it all, then pick back up, only to feel down again in another two weeks. I don't think it helps being off from work, spending time alone, especially considering I only took these two weeks off for Fern's birthday and for the holiday we was going to take with her family.

I found work to be the best place for me. I work with one of my closest friends and the group is all quite close so it's an enjoyable place to work. Really took my mind away from things when I was at my worse. I'm currently on a 2 week break so I've been thinking about Fern a little more than normal, it's not upsetting me or anything, just she's in the back of my mind, which I think she always will be, apparently you never forget your first love and it's not like we ended on bad terms either. It's good to see you doing things and starting up new things that will take your mind away from everything. I joined the gym not long after me and Fern broke up which is something I can do alone, and I can block everything out if I do feel upset or angry. Either send the card or send a text. Fern texted me on my birthday, so I texted her on hers. I'll also make sure I send a message on her Dad's birthday as that's soon and no doubt it will be a really tough time for her.

Your situation is very similar to mine and Fern's as well. It's so normal for people to react in this way, yet I would have never have thought it before. They can be fine with friends because they don't have to be with them, they don't have to put any effort into being friends with people, but a relationship is different, they need to try, they are emotionally involved with you. Fern said the same to me, that she couldn't be with anyone right now, it was nothing to do me, we would talk about things etc She even kissed me and told me that she loved me after saying all this and that she was so upset that she had to break up with me. We still haven't spoke about it, nearly 3 months later. I feel a lot differently about things now, I'd seriously have to consider letting her back into my life if she wanted that. We would have to talk about it all because 3 months is a long time to just pick things back up from. Miri out of interest what do you do with your spare time? Time that you would have talked or been together? Right now, focus on you! Only you. No one is important apart from you. Spend money on you, make you happy, you're number one. I'm not saying don't care about him, more, look after yourself for now and maybe in time things will become better.

I wouldn't send a card or call them, just send a text. It's easier that way. All 3 do the same but texting is the easiest as you know that they will get it and you haven't got to worry about them picking up the phone and you not knowing what to say. Yeah, I'm keeping busy, it doesn't seem to bother me as much right now, I feel okay. I'm going out with a girl to the Cinema's next week so that will be good, more than anything it's female company. And seeing as we haven't spent time with each other before it will be nice to get to know her too. This isn't me saying I don't care about Fern, more acting in a way that I don't care so I fool myself into thinking everythings okay without her being here. If I have hope, which I did have for way too long then I'll never recover from it.

Fern's birthday is today, she's out in Greece till next week but I've texted her just wishing her a happy birthday.

It's so very hard to be so patient and understanding when I don't really know what she's thinking! But what you say is right, giving her time is best and who knows what will happen in the future? Of course I'll keep you updated, and I hope things become better for you too.

Yeah, this is very true! For some reason I just don't think it's fully over between us, I've got a feeling that in a couple of months, come September time she will think differently.

That's a nice story, I'm glad things worked out for them! Well I seen Fern again tonight, tapped her on the shoulder and said hello to her, she spoke very little and would move away if I came near to where she was. And apparently she felt I was giving her dirty looks, even though I thought I smiled every time I seen her. She looked so beautiful, I wish I could have her back.

Seen Fern today, was pretty much a disaster. We was in our 'old' group of basically me and Fern then 2 other couples but obviously it's me and Fern who don't have the partner anymore. She didn't say hello, I tried to talk to her but she blanked me out. She said bye afterwards but it was more of a general goodbye. I can't go into detail right now because it's upsetting me too much, I just want to forget the past two years.

Miri; Me and Fern were exactly the same, we used to do a lot together and would always be speaking or be with each other. There's somethings I won't do anymore because it reminds me of the times we shared too much. Just little things like making pancakes! We used to make them all the time in the mornings, would make them for her Dad and Brother and then we would have them too, then we would cuddle up on the sofa afterwards feeling sick because we always made too much! Congratulations on the job! The way your boyfriend was talking is exactly how Fern was just a few days before we broke up! The Thursday before (we split on the Saturday) she was telling me how she was trying to change her hours at work on a Saturday so that she could finish earlier, meaning that when I finished at 6 she could have been home and had a bath and got ready to see me and stuff. The day before we broke up as well things just went back to how they were before her Dad passed which I find really strange! I guess she was just having a bad day and it clicked in her head. Hopefully for both of us, and anyone else who is going through the same will have a brighter future with the one they've lost. Kay; Mine and Fern's time together was really everyday, we generally went the past two years seeing each other every single day, if not we would only be apart for a couple of days. I'm sure I'll get there in the end but there's still things that need sorting between us two. I was thinking maybe I'll just leave until September time and try and reconnect with her in the future.

Feeling so rubbish about it all just lately! It's nearly 2 months since we split up and still nothing. It will be 4 months tomorrow that Fern's Dad passed away. Doesn't seem that long ago at all really! I miss watching quiz shows with him after work and stuff, I used to sit there and watch TV with him and talk about football to him whilst Fern would be sat speaking to her Mum. I even used to go round just to see her Dad and watch football with him and Fern would be upstairs with friends or doing something else. I miss walking up the path and seeing him wave from his chair too, it's all so different now! I just know Friday and Saturday will be painful for me, the fact I have to be there around her knowing I won't be holding her when I go bed it's going to hurt so bad.

It's a strange that he will call you more or less everyday, I'm yet to talk to Fern properly since the break up! Fern and her Dad couldn't have been closer, which is why she doesn't know how to deal with this I'd imagine. Yesterday was a bad day for me, the first for a while actually. Felt better today though.

Fern did mention to me when she broke up with me that she just didn't want the relationship to be one sided and that she didn't feel right being with me if she couldn't give me the love and attention that she wanted to. She wanted to be with me and spend time with me like normal but couldn't pull herself to do it. She also mentioned that she didn't want to commit to something after her Dad passed and that she didn't want to be in a position where she had to make me happy, and that if she kept pulling away it would hurt us both. I guess the difference is that they don't have to see friends etc. Or even speak to them if they don't want to but with their partner, it's obviously different.

No one deserves to suffer the amount you're suffering! I hope you'll be okay!

I texted her this morning, no reply but it's not to be expected. All I said was "Hey. Hope you're having a few drinks today for your Dad. Thinking of you x" Got to see her next Friday and Saturday as it's one of our close friends 18th Birthday so we'll see how things go there! Just going to try and be normal with her, if I don't bring us two up maybe Fern will start to speak to me and maybe it will open up those lines of conversation?

It's 'Father's Day' tomorrow, thinking of sending Fern a text just saying something simple like "Thinking of you on this day" or something like that.

That's so sad Kay! It really made me think the way I go about things with my Mum and Dad. My Dad and I never do anything together, I really don't have a close connection to him as he's always been closer to my Brother than me, and so I was always with my Mum when I was younger. I take my Mum out sometimes for dinner and stuff but I know that I should do it more, but I just feel like it's not great fun and it makes me feel bad about it but I'd rather do with things with other people, like Fern for example.

I still have the e-mail saved from when Fern sent me at the end of January whilst I was at work and she was bored at College. She basically had planned our whole summer together including trips that we could take to London, France, Italy and Cornwall and how she called me her 'lovely boyfriend' and that she 'loved me so much'. It's a shame that all of that now seems a decent memory. I've done that, I'm saving up now for Las Vegas which I'm going with friends in July 2012. It's going to roughly cost around £3,500 sound I need to start saving now! Never been to America before so I'm so looking forward to it. Only problem is it's still 13 months away!

It's frustrating! Basically me and Fern had planned to go Italy in July, Cornwall in August and then Blackpool in October. So I've got the time off work at those times but no longer need the time off anyway! So now I'm stuck as to what to do with myself during those times when it should have been special times in different places for me and Fern to share special memories. The way things so quickly as well is astonishing, I really can't believe it. Obviously we don't know what they're thinking etc. I'm sure somewhere deep down they care but right now they can't show that or seemingly can't put any effort into the relationship so maybe it's best left alone anyway.