Cosel

Karen, I'm so sorry to hear the news about your daughter. If you need to talk, I'm more than happy to listen. Linda

I'm in northwest Phoenix. Got a little bit of rain and a little wind. Most of the storms miss my area of town. My grandson and daughter both live in Avondale which is close to Anne, there was a lot of uprooted trees there. Cosel

Melina, I do understand how you feel. It has been 2 years and almost 9 months since my husband died. I know what you mean when you say you are not really alive and nothing really matters. I feel as though I just exist. I was married for 46 years and never lived alone until now. I have a really hard time with the loneliness. I am blessed with family but they have their own lives and not much time for me anymore. I'm trying to find activities to do but nothing brings any happiness or joy. I try not to wallow in self pity but it creeps in every once in awhile when I'm alone. I have so many things that need to be done around my home but I don't have any interest in getting started. I just don't care. I still have a few crying spells but much better than I used to be. I have progressed. I will get better, I just have to work on it. Cosel

I haven't written an a long time but i read the forum every night. Yesterday was a hard day for me; it would have been our 49th anniversary. My husband has been gone for 2 years 8 months and 4 days. I made it through the first year fairly well, but the second year is when I fell in a black hole . Slowly over the past year I am doing better but I still have some bad hours and bad days. I have tried to become a little more social but it is hard for me to do things alone. When I do leave the house I am ready to return in a short while; but when I get back home it is so quiet and lonely. The loneliness really gets to me. I have family but they have their own lives and are busy. I know eventually things will get better but I am the one who has to make it better no one can do it for me. Anne, you can add me as another in the Phoenix area. Cosel

Mary does your refrigerator have an ice dispenser in the door? Some times the ice cubes get stuck and drop out later. That has happened to me and I find a small puddle the floor later. Cosel

Melina, This is my third Christmas without my husband also. It's been 2 years one month and 12 days since he passed, also of cancer. I agree with you that it is a little easier now than two years ago. I don't cry every time I say his name or some one mentions him. l still have no joy in life yet, but I hope some day soon there might be a little happiness. I'm so happy that you had a message from your husband on Christmas. I want so badly to have some sign from mine, but I don't think I have yet. Hopefully the new year will bring all of us a little more peace, joy and happiness on this long journey we have been on. Cosel

Here is a poem I got at a grief support meeting. It does help me. You can shed tears that he is gone. Or you can smile because he lived. You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back. Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left. Your heart can be empty because you can't see him. Or you can be full of the love that you shared. You can turn your back on tomorrow and live for yesterday, Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday. You can remember him and only that he is gone. Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on. You can cry, close your mind, be empty, and turn your back. Or you can do what he would have wanted, smile, open your eyes, love and move on. Cosel

I find pennies around my house. My husband and I use to joke that my dad was leaving them after he passed away. My mother died in a nursing home and I had to go back to her room the next day. On the floor next to where her bed had been was a penny. My dad had been there for her. My husband passed away 20 months ago and he was not going to be out done by dad, so he also leaves quarters. My daughter, grandson and I have all found quarters that we attribute to my husband letting us know he is with us. Cosel

Melina, I can identify with almost everything you wrote. My husband has been gone 20 months on the 14th. Our 48th anniversary was on the 17th of July. I have lived in my home for 38 years and we had been planning on remodeling and buying new appliances. With the help of my grandson and daughter we put down new flooring and removed a wall. I bought a new stove and new washer and dryer as we had planned. That kept me busy for the first year; the second year came around and the reality set in and I had a very difficult time with loneliness and sadness. The second year has been much harder for me. I know what you mean about the loneliness and silence and the lonely weekends. It must be nice to have your sons home for the summer, but I know it will be really hard for you when they go back to school and you are alone again. I would love to have someone in my life that when I walk in a room or through a door it puts a smile on their face. I would love to have someone who cares for me and wants the best for me but I don't know if that will ever happen again. At this point in my life I do not want to date. Maybe someday. I don't like living alone but have no other choice right now. I would love to have some happiness and joy in my life. I look forward for the happiness returning someday. Cosel

babylady, Your loss is still so very recent that your crying is normal and expected. My husband has been gone 20 months now and I still cry. It may not be everyday, but the tears still flow at times. I think I am doing really well then a memory will hit me and I'm in tears. The tears will slow down but it takes time. When you don't cry everyday don't feel as if you are forgetting him but you are starting to heal a little. Harry, Your words touched my heart. I lost my husband to cancer and my mother to Alzheimer's. Cosel

Today would have been our 48th wedding anniversary. I can't believe it is over. I can't believe he has been gone 20 months. 20 months seem much longer than the 48 years we were married. Cosel

I understand and feel the same way. It has been almost 20 months for me.

I lost my husband 19 months ago. I have good days and bad days. Today was a particularly bad day. Emotions did sneak up on me. I have 2 daughters and 4 grandchildren, I was all along today and didn't hear from anyone until about 5:00 this evening. I guess everyone thinks I should be getting on with my life--they just don't understand how difficult it is to recover after losing someone who was your life for 46 years. Today was the saddest, loneliest holiday ever. I hope I don't have any more holidays like today, but I'm sure I will. I really don't like being alone. Cosel

My husband has been gone 19 months now. We were together 24/7 as we worked together. He always did all the driving where ever we went. When I had to first drive by myself the tears would flow. Being in the car reminded me of him. It is getting better now. I don't cry as often as I did, but every once in awhile a wave hits me and the tears will flow again. I can see some progress in my grief.

I find the nights are very hard but waking up in the morning and realizing today is going to be like yesterday the day before and the day before that, I am still alone to start another day. Reality sets in and I realize my husband is not here and never will be again. That is a hard way to start the day. Cosel

Anthony, Have you been to any of the HOV Grief Support Groups? There are groups meeting in Mesa on Tuesday evenings. Also Banner Hospital has a grief class starting in July. It does help to be with people who are going through some of the same things as you. You realize you are not the only one grieving. You can say how you feel and no one will judge you, just support you. You and Ciara could go together to support each other. Cosel

Jan, I do understand what you mean about the black hole in your life. I feel as though I have fallen in and the sides are too steep to get myself out. My husband passed away 17 months ago and I was doing okay until February of this year when the ugly black hole opened up and I slipped in it. I am home alone most of the time and the sadness and loneliness take over. I realize I need to do something to help myself. I do understand about needing to do things but not really caring whether they get done or not. My daughter told me I needed to finish a project I started 2 months ago, I told her I had to care first before I could finish it. I haven't reached that point yet. Maybe before long I will finish it. My heart goes out to you for your loss was so recent. I remember the numbness and disbelief I felt for the first month.I hope your daughter and grandchildren bring you comfort and love for now. HUGS!! Cosel

Durbin, You are not alone. I understand how much the memories hurt. It's been 17 months since my husband passed away and I remember going to the store by myself for the first time and seeing the couples walking together and shopping together. The sadness was unbearable and I was in tears watching them and asking why my partner had to leave me alone. Driving in the car was even worse because he always did all the driving. I hated to go anywhere because the tears would flow as I was driving and remembering. I think , maybe, it the was the loneliness I felt that would get me. The shopping and driving are getting easier, but it still hurts. People tell me the pain will lessen but I am still waiting for that to happen. I agree with you that if someone has not been through this ordeal, they do not understand the pain and hurt you are feeling. All of us here get it. We are there or have been there. We are thinking about you. Cosel

I lost my husband to colon cancer 17 months ago. I do understand the loneliness. I would love to have things the way it use to be. I would love to have someone to talk to everyday, someone to touch and hug, someone who listens but mostly someone who really cares about you. Not people who called for the first month or two and then quit. I just want to feel that someone is caring and thinking about me by giving me a call once in awhile. I really appreciate when someone calls me now. It helps brighten my day. I know it a terrible thing to wish but sometimes you wish it would happen to the so-called friends so they would experience the sadness you feel. I hope I get over this feeling, it is not a very nice way to be. I'm waiting for the bitterness to go away.

Becky, I understand exactly what you are saying and feeling. The loneliness and sadness is overwhelming. It's been 17 months since my husband passed away. I seemed to be doing okay until February of this year and the sadness set in. I know I need to get out and do things but when I do I can't wait to get back home, when I get home I feel so lonely. My daughter was there for me all through her father's illness and for me afterwards. She is starting to go on with her life now and I feel left out. She use to call me every day to check on me. I really look forward to hearing from her after she gets off work. She has started skipping days when she calls and it just devastates me. I know it becomes a chore to do something when you feel you have to do it, but I look forward to her calls. It makes me feel like I am a burden. I'm so sorry for being such a downer. I wish I had more positive input for you. I am working on it. I am going to a grief support for the lose of a spouse. It doesn't start until May. I am looking forward to it. I just want some relief from the sadness. I wish I could do more for you. Just know you are not alone in your feelings. With help we will both get through this. Cosel

I went to a grief support group on Wednesday afternoon. Quite a few people there. Seemed as though most of them had belonged quite awhile. Was a very tight-knit group. Felt like an outsider. One positive I took away from the meeting was someone mentioned "a to do list." One lady who had been there awhile said she did not have "a to do list" but an accomplishment list. Whenever she finished something she would write it down with a smiley face beside it. That seemed to be a more positive way to do things; you do not feel defeated by not getting projects done.

I want to thank all of you for replying to me. It makes me feel as if someone is listening to me and cares. Robert passed away in November of 2010. I was surviving fairly well most of last year; but this year it seem as though I fell in a dark hole and can't get out. I'm trying to pull myself up and out but the sides of the hole are very steep. I know if I keep working I will eventually get out. I want to do it on my own and not take any antidepressants. I bought a yoga tape but haven't started it yet. I will. I'm not an outgoing person so getting out and meeting people is hard for me to do. I'm considering taking a computer class. Being alone most of the time my memories cause a lot of sadness; that's what brings me down. I need to turn that around. I will try to do that hour by hour. Thanks for listening to me. Cosel

I'm so tired of the sadness and the emptiness. I just want to feel some happiness and joy, but I don't know how to at this point.

Melina, I understand what you are going through. My husband passed away Nov 2010. It has been such a difficult adjustment for me also; we worked together 24/7 for over 30 years. I have no job to go to as the business was his. I was doing fairly well for several months but seems as though I have been going backwards. Maybe it is just the loneliness catching up to me. I'm so tired of not being happy and feeling no joy. I'm trying to find something to occupy my time, but there is nothing that interests me at this point. I have a daughter and a grandson who have helped me, but I cannot keep taking up their time. They have their own lives to live.I'm sure they feel that it has been a year and a half I should have adjusted by now. They just do not understand. I try to put on a good front so that I don't get lectured about what I need to do. They are spending less time with me now which makes me very sad. I know that the the only person that can make changes in my life is me. It's just so difficult! Cosel