babzz

that was a beautiful poem

thank you marty for the blogs. they helped alot. even though tears are running down my face right now i know i helped my baby out. i didn't think about it at the time but she gave me a direct sign that she was ready and wanted my help. still hurts really bad that my baby is gone. i told her i was with her every step of the way but i was in a different state of mind that day. i was panicking and when it came to the last shot i turned away i couldnt watch my child take her last breath. what kind of mom am i for turning my back on her. kayC thank you for the video. its beautiful. hey rodney. im holding in their. my days are getting better. im alot better than i was a few months ago. a few months ago i was so depressed... i was lost. it wasn't until i wrote a poem for my baby that i started feeling like i could breath again.

thank you kayC. i miss them both so much. i have lost so many within 10 years. '03 my mom passed, '06 my uncle, '09 my aunt and now in 2012 my furkid and my grandma. how do you get over something like that. the tears come less and less as the years go by but the hurt in your heart is still their.

dear rodney, im sorry about the loss of your best friend. and thank you for taking the time to read my post. i miss her so so much im just glad i finally found a place to talk through my guilt. and sadness.

july is never going to be the same for me again. july 1st i had to put my cat to sleep. my grandma was the first person i wanted to call. i always talked to her but this day i couldn't get a hold of her. i found out later on the 4th it was cause she had been in the hospital. 2 days later on july 6 my beautiful grandma passed away. still can't belive it.

i don't even know were to begin. my cat wasn't just a pet to me she was the closest thing i had and probley ever will have to a child of my own. she started getting sick. i should have seen the signs. i thought she was eating and just not gaining weight. and drinking more water then eating. then she started going down hill fast. the last day my baby girl was with me i woke up and she could only lie on her left side. she couldn't move her back or front left legs at all. it was like she was asking me for help. i made the decicion to put her to sleep that day. as i was waiting for the ride to go i asked her to just go. she could go....please don't make me make this decision. but she wouldn't leave on her own. and i feel guilty. i feel like i murderd my child. i don't know how to make it right with my concience. because of me....because i gave money and signed a piece of paper my child no longer has a heartbeat. logically i know it was for the best because she was parylized on her left side. she was hurting. i could see it in her face but my heart....my heart is sick in pain. i have days were the logical side kicks in for a longer amount of time but my heart still hurts so bad. idk what to do. any advice would be greatly appreciated. thank you.