lilacsandladybugs

I found it helpful Marty. I especially understand how about the second year, the social help dwindles often to nothing. I know you have, but how many of us have looked into the face of a grieving person.......one, two, three years or more? I still find those souls, maybe because I know what I see in my own eyes. The loss, the pain, the sorrow. We don't have to speak. It shows just the same. When I look in the eyes of my grandchildren., I see joy, wonderment, and expectation. When I look into the eyes of my daughter in laws mother who lost her husband two years before Kathy died and herself is Japanese, speaking very little English, I see it all. Words needn't be spoken. It just is what it is. To have this place to come, listen, and share, is a blessing for those of us who have journeyed on in grief without the social support of those around us. I think also, I will still need to come for a very long time. I find comfort and understanding in the articles you give us. You are gem and I thank you. Widower, regressing is a remark you may make often. I have spoken that word a few times already but I hope like me, you come to understand how those feelings are just potholes in the road of grief's path. Everything we do and feel is uncharted territory. I feel for having lost your job. You too Kay. I know how hard grief can be when all this other junk keeps getting thrown at you. I hope you find a way to get back up and fight another day. If I have any positive energy, I'm sending it your way. Stephen

Oh Kay I know what you are saying and I am so sorry it makes you cry. I remember feeling afraid I would forget what Kathy looked like in my minds eye. You know, I would have never guessed by reading what you post that it has been eight years since George has been on the other side. You sound like someone who is just recently separated from him. I do not mean you haven't grown, but that he seems to be quite real in your conscious mind. Time is a funny thing. They say that time heals all wounds but I think love isn't a wound. The pain of the loss is though. A very very deep wound. But at the end of the day, the love remains. That love needs no face. It lives within our hearts as we have become one with it. Perhaps if we try to imagine that everything they were is now part of us. We were two people. Now we are one. I think I will go through the rest of my life being part of Kathy, and not just Steve. I also know that when I die, I will be a spirit just as she is. I will have no body, just a spirit. I know I will find her wherever she is. I will have an eternity to find her. I am a very persistent fellow. Oh, and I agree with what you say about the physical body. Stephen

Mary, Thank you for taking the time to share that with me. I know how difficult things have been for you lately and please know that I have had you in my thoughts often sending you my best energy with hope and prayer. What you had written is not only very profound but comforting to me and others who from time to time lapse into those little episodes. It is indeed part of our journey and I for one recognize the difference between regressing and falling into potholes scattered along the way. Funny thing about potholes.........you can't see them when the road is covered with water. Stephen

Maria, I hope you have found some peace since you first posted this thread. While I can understand the pain of loss, a child is a different thing of course. The return of hard times however seems to happen to us all. I just came out of a three week devastating relapse if you will. Sometimes triggers just set it off. Often we don't even recognize what those triggers were but they come just the same. Mary Linda, I understand what you have said. We are lucky to have this place to come to. Remember, it's okay to break down. Remember as well, the tools are here to help you get back up again. That goes for all of us. Stephen

Thanks Marty. I am often reminded how my Dad exposed me to flying at the age of eight. I flew with him so many times that when I was old enough, I received my pilots license in record time. I did the same with my son who now is a Lt Cmdr in the Navy and makes me proud just to know him. Now it appears that my six year old granddaughter has the bug. Full circle I think. I will be sure to post when it has been achieved. I'm just glad my son will be able to get here for the event. I also will be glad to know my Mom and Dad will be together (as if they weren't already).

This October, I will be spreading my Dad's ashes as he requested of me. Although it has been a long time coming, I had to be able to do it just right. My oldest son will be able to fly out here to Arizona to help it happen. You see, I need someone to fly my plane when I go to the back and accomplish this event. What makes this so special is that my son is licensed to fly the same WWII bomber that my dad flew in the war, and this seemed so special to me to have his grandson at the controls. We will leave him in the same place where I spread my Mom thirty three years ago and in the same airplane I might ad. That will be an honor. Stephen

Marty, I read "resigning you commissions" and it hits so very close to home. Indeed I have been in that place and sometimes we just can't see what we are doing............to ourselves. Thank you. Stephen

For the last three weeks I have been in a very dark place. I have had bad days before but this went on for so long. I'm going on two years and seven months yet it laid me to the bone. It has ended now. I am better but I wanted to say that things like that can happen to us when we least expect it. This journey is sick! I hate it and I know there is no escape, no detour, just the constant pain with some happy moments thrown in. Somehow I even lost my account here as my password wouldn't work. Don't you feel so inept when you can't function in a computer driven world? Maybe I'll fly a kite and just let the wind do it's thing. Maybe I'll send up a note on the string (those of you who are older like me would remember doing that) and see if she can read what it says. This thread is called Time? Jan, time doesn't seem to be changing anything. For me at least, the only thing is that I am growing older. I don't feel any farther away from Kathy than I did the day she left. I was just thinking as I look at Kathy's picture how she remains so young and pretty while I keep getting older. I am glad I won't have to meet her again in the body I will be wearing at the end. Stephen

Harry, Just be careful with the traffic. I can certainly relate to going where you are heading. Kathy and I were married in September on the day we met for the first time. I too will be traveling with that same feeling my friend. Stephen