R.Everit55

I told him I don't know what I did with understanding and respect and I said he could talk to me. But he refused. So I will let him be I guess.

I spoke to my Dad this afternoon just checking my on him. Respecting his "blowing things off" since mom passed. He said he was angry at me. I'm baffled. I didn't do anything to make him angry. I'm hurt. I'm lost. I love him so much and respect him. Yet I'm making him angry? I didn't take my mom from him. She just passed. I didn't take her away. Im supposed to just let him be angry at me for absolutely no reason? i want my mom and my wife back. I'm not angry at anyone. Why should he be angry with me.

I know I'm not alone here. I think that's why I'm reading a lot today. Partly to avoid. Partly because I feel less crazy and alone.

I laid my mom to rest yesterday. I've been numb and in shock I think. But hurting too. I've been reading a lot on the forum even though I haven't replied. It's almost an addiction. The more I read the more I want to read. Also ive been keeping busy with my grandchildren. I suppose it will hit me at some point. I do miss my wife more. Well I don't think I could miss her more but just aching for her more.

She's four months old today. I'm spending every minute I can with her and with the boys. They are keeping my heart from breaking.

Gracie enjoying her little seat with her toys attached and fell asleep in her excersaucer

Thank you Joyce

I'm not sure if the reality of my moms death had totally hit me yet. I just feel like I'm running on fumes so to speak. But I know if I didn't have my son DIL and grandchildren I would be so much worse off. I feel like a lucky man. Sadly my dad is just running on his own confusing fumes. He doesn't much want anything to do with Allen or myself when we check in on him.

It's very cloudy so our beach day has changed to a cuddling day here at home. I have to arguments with doing nothing but watching the boys play and cuddling my Gracie girl and making her giggle and watching her roll across the room.

Do you think it's normal to not even remember starting this thread. I feel like an idiot not even remembering typing anything.

Hugs to everyone. Why people say senseless words to us is hurtful. But that's why we all have each other. Because we understand. I just lost my mom. I haven't encountered senseless words as of yet. But I have regarding my Mary.

I'm in such a blur I don't even recall starting this thread. Karen I can't imagine losing a child after my Mary. I do know the loss of still born twins of mine and Marys. And the loss of my premature twin granddaughters. But my heart goes out to you. Thank you all for your understanding and love. Butch

My dr this morning prescribed Visteril for sleep and Xanax for break through anxiety in the wake of burying my momma yesterday. Mom going to the beach with the family to celebrate Gracie's four month birthday. i know my moms death will hit me at some point but for now I'm trying hard to just be and be with my family.

Gracie is four months old. I'm such a proud Grampy. She's my saving Grace as Kay told me. We are venturing out to the beach today i need a distraction from my grief and heartache from burying my mom yesterday Happy Four Months to my Gracie girl ❤️

She's my sweet princess. I'm her Grampy and I will protect her from anything. We have a very special bond already in four short months

Thank you sweet ladies. ❤️❤️

I don't know what to do with myself. I feel like Mary just died. I recall every second. I know now that it's true another loss can make a primary loss huge again. I'm in bed sobbing wishing the other side of the bed would be filled again by my wife. I know she would comfort my heart and make it "ok" that my mom has passed. Mary was my world my partner in crime my soul my best friend my strength and courage. I feel like I've lost that all over again. I've lost it all once I cant lose it all again. Am I making any sense. I'm so upset and so tired I don't even know. I'm just typing from my soul. And my soul hurts badly at the moment...

Family teaches you a lot of things but they never teach you how to fill the hole they leave in your heart when they pass away and leave us forever. . I need my wife so very much. She could comfort my heart.

We laid my mom to rest this morning. Gracie is the only thing keeping me going. She will be four months tomorrow. She's growing up too fast. Trying to sit up and doing a good job.

As of a few hours ago my dear Mom was laid to rest. Very different than my wife. She was cremated. My mom not. Mom had s burial. Makes reality slap you in the face. Family and friends are still at the house but I'm locked away at the moment feeling overwhelmed and numb and lost. My father is taking the loss of his wife of 60 years in stride like it's just a normal day. I'm annoyed and baffled. I'm hurt. I'm just hurt. Please pray for my son myself my dad and my grandsons who attended the services. They are very upset and confused. My heart hurts... Butch.

I'm scared. That's all I have right now is fear.

I know I have everything my mom instilled in me. There was just no warning she was leaving. Not that losing Mary was easier because I had warning. But it feels very different. I know I will find a way to keep surviving. Because I have my mom's strength in me. You're right. I'm my own critic. I'm judging myself. I need to stop that. She or Mary wouldn't want that. Thank you for reminding me of things. I'm overtired. I have to get my family and my Dad through the service Tuesday. And I will somehow.

I'm a proud man. Usually. But life is not any kind of normal or usual. I'm not too proud to say I need help. I'm trying to grasp so much at once. Losing my mom has thrown me totally off. I miss my Mary so much more. My mom and my wife were so similar. I loved them both so much there are not enough words. I'm trying to find strength. My mom instilled strength in me. I'm trying so hard but failing. I need someone to tell me I'm doing okay and not going to fail. I have no doubt I'm in shock. I'm scared of the shock wearing thin. I looked to my mom since Mary died. She knew how to calm me. Words fail me. Sorry if I'm making no sense. Butch.