R.Everit55

Thank you. Shes very happy. She's smiling more and more and really loving her Grampy. Yes I'm a little biased. But I seem to get the biggest smiles from her.

A daily Gracie fix

Miss Gracie girl is home now. She's all smiles.

I would love to be angry at the Drs for misdiagnosing Mary but as you said Kay it would not have changed the outcome. I would have just had more time to prepare. But there really is no preparing for to lose the love of your life. I am glad I can come here and write when I get the need to say how much she meant to me and what a beautiful person my wife was. I don't find words often but when I do I come here. Thank you both for listening. Butch

My Mary was the most beautiful human being I ever met. From that day in college in 1981 when I saw her and said hi. I idolized her. She was a pillar of strength and humbleness. She was so knock out gorgeous. I couldn't believe my eyes. When she spoke to me my heart beat raced. We fell in love so easily. I remember our first embrace. Our first kiss. I ask myself why did I wait eight years to marry this most perfect princess. We had Allen in March of 1988. We married April 30 of 1989. It was the most beautiful amazing day of my life. SHE made it perfection. I would never ever have imagined her body being overtaken by such an angry disease as ALS was. I HATE THAT MONSTROUS DISEASE! While I have the most beautiful memories of my bride. I also have the horrible memories of what the disease stole from her slowly one thing after another. I never imagined there would be a day I wouldn't hear her voice anymore or hear her say I love you. But I didn't need to hear her. I looked in her eyes up until she died Jan 9, 2015 and our hearts spoke. I don't know when I will start to forget the loving memories of her. I imagine sometime it may happen. I thank god I have my family with me. Our son and DIL and two grandsons and granddaughter. Because some here live alone. And don't have anyone. I have to say I'm the lucky one. 34 yrs together. I'm the lucky one to have had a beautiful amazing loving bride and very best friend in Mary. I am the lucky one. Even when my heart is breaking I'm still the lucky one. Butch

I even though my son and his family live with me.., still struggle deeply with loneliness. I may not be alone but I'm lonely. My Mary was always by my side. We did everything together. From the toughest events like family members deaths to simple things like grocery shopping or gardening. We would hide away in our room on the bed and cuddle and even though a movie was on it wasn't what we payed attention too as much as enjoying each other's touch. I have tears remembering. I still can feel if I try really hard. I still can hear her voice as well even though she lost that ability to speak before her passing. I really remember holding her close squeezing her hand and kissing her soft cheek as she passed away. I felt with my hand on her heart exactly when she passed. I went on rambling. I apologize Butch

Your not losing it. You're overwhelmed with loss and a broken heart and world. That is the sad cross we all must bear losing our soul mates. Have you sought out a grief therapist at all? That might help you sort out your confused feelings. Keep coming here. You're understood. Butch

"sometimes being hurt so much changes you so fast only the people around you that care can see that you have changed... hold onto those friends who helped you..." this had no author. It was anonymous but sure rings true to all of us who've been hurt so deeply and it seems only those who understand the most are all who relate to the hurt. All of us here. Love, Butch

I and the kids say thank you for the well wishes for Gracie girl. Her temp is only 99.8 now. Once it's normal they will see if she can go four hours without Tylenol before they will discharge her. I thank god she won't remember all she's been through. But I'm such a proud Grampy. She's such a strong baby. The other day she figured out rolling from her stomach to back and back to stomach. She's a little mobile now because she can roll.

Oh and she weighs an awesome 13.4 lbs! ❤️

Gracie is at the hospital. She woke very early this morning vomiting and very hot. Then she had a seizure so Allen called 911 and they got 105.7 for her temp. She had a febrile seizure. She's being monitored and had a CT and a few other tests because she was a premie to make certain this was all just from a virus and her fever. It keeps spiking but she's responsive and cuddly and even smiling lots. She's a little miracle. Almost four months old and been through too much already. They will keep her tonight for more observation.

Thank you!

Thinking of you dear friend. We've got a candle burning for George and you. Also lit one in church this morn. Many prayers for you. Love, Butch, Allen, Katie, Noah, Caleb, and Gracie. ❤️

Kay dear, me and my family are praying for you as tomorrow approaches. We are going to church in the morning. I will light a candle and say a prayer that your George be with you as you grieve. And I've got a candle burning at home here for you. You are loved. Butch and family.

Thank you Kay. She's a little priceless princess.

I should have known better than to expect understanding from someone who knows no such loss. I have a woman friend of both myself and was Marys friend as well who lost her husband. I may try to get back in touch with her. She's an amazing person full of understanding.

I had lunch with an old friend from work. A man who I have respected for years. He asked how I was doing and I thought I could be honesty. Apparently that was a hurtful mistake. I told him the last couple days I've been struggling to be positive or even smile. He asked why. I said because I'm aching terribly for Mary. He said you just need to move on and get through it. I admit I took it to heart. Thought maybe he is right. I'm still questioning my grief now. Maybe I do need to move on and get over it. But how? If someone who has lost their soulmate best friend love of their life could tell me how. Now that would be a miracle because in my heart I know it's not possible to get over it. My head is playing tricks on me. I am better off staying home. People are clueless. . I came home and snuggled with my Gracie girl. In tears. She was looking at Grampy like she knew what my tears were for. Bless her heart. Maybe she senses.

Gracie overload...

Because this afternoon I heard a wedding song of ours in the car that made me literally breathless and in tears enough to pull the car over ... It has totally ruined my day and mood. I've been in tears more on than off. Even with Gracie and the boys here. I feel like a failure. I don't want to go to bed. I want my wife by my side. What's wrong with me? It was just a song. I was perfectly ok the first half of the day.

I just heard the song Endless Love and I had to pull the car over because I couldn't breathe and was crying.

Sadly I think some of my anger caused some of my cardiac issues.

Little Miss Gracie has found her feet. She won't stop chewing on them. She has been rolling over a lot too.

Thanks Marty.

I went through a time of sort of being angry at God but I stopped myself from that because my faith was the same faith my Mary had and I know he is holding her and she is holding two little ones and two granddaughters. It's just anger at ALS. Not for just taking her. But slowly taking her ability to walk talk see move etc... And taking her dignity not being able to go to the bathroom on her own. None of that was her fault. I don't hate anything but I hate the disease for all it stole from her.

The top pic is me with Caleb. The next is Noah. And the last is Gracie obviously. They really do look alike. Even though the boys are now eight and eleven they still resemble her.