R.Everit55

Thank you ladies. Im pretty speechless as well. I've got to make arrangements for my Dad. I've got to take care of the home mom and dad lived in. A sacred place for me and for my Mary and my son and grandsons. I so want to turn to my loving wife. I can only try to feel her with me. It sucks. All of it. I came home to an alone home. The kids were here a while. But they went home.

I don't know where to put this. I'm overwhelmed. Firstly one of my good friends of more than 25 years passed on from a massive heart attack last week. His wife is lost. Then this morning I went to my parents home. (As some of you may know my mom passed on a few months back). I found my Dad unresponsive on the sofa this morning. I tried to revive him as did paramedics on scene but he was pronounced dead at the hospital. He probably had a stroke or heart attack. I know that doesn't matter. He died of a broken heart because he missed my mom. I'm feeling things all over again missing my Mary because of the events of the past five days. Grief upon grief is horrible. It all brings back my grief for Mary. My best friend. My soul mate. My love. My everything. She should still be here. I'm lost and hurting.

Gracie will be six months tomorrow. She's 100 percentile in height and weight. That's crazy for a premie. Shed still not quite herself but her temp is gone. Her ears are still bothering her I think.

Marita you are too kind. My heart thanks you. My heart thanks everyone here even though I have few words.

Grace is home now on oral antibiotics. She still has a low grade fever. She's teething too. I have the boys for the weekend.

Grace is ok. She started with a tiny cold and then spiked a 105 temp. She has a cold cough and double ear infections. They are keeping her overnight on an IV drip with antibiotics and Tylenol. Hopefully she'll be home tomorrow. I just got back from seeing her. She snuggled in my arms for nearly an hour. Bless her heart she doesn't feel good. She's building immunity though which was compromised being a premie. Thank for thoughts. Much love.

Thank you whole heartedly.

I'm hangin in. It's rough being alone. Mary is on my heart 24/7 and our last moments together. Gracie will be six months old on Monday.

Thanks all. I just got a phone call from my grandsons wanting to say goodnight to Grampy and they put the phone up to Gracie and she stopped chattering when she heard my voice. My heart is a pile of Grampy mush. I have the TV running and will probably keep it on all night to drown out the silence. It's hurting a lot right now. I don't like "flashbacks" of last moments here when Mary took her last breath. But then there are the good memories too. So conflicted. ?

Gracie giving Grampy a look because I was packing her toys. The kids are moved in and tonight will be their first night there and my first alone. . It's going to be so quiet here. I don't know if I can face quiet without memories hitting me of my Mary.

No lemons yet. Daddy wanted to but Mommy said no. . When she does I will demand a photo.

Allen and Katie are in the process of moving into their own home. They told me that this morning they had a positive pregnancy test. They were trying but these kids have never had a problem with fertility. They try and it happens right then. So Grandbaby number six is in the making. That includes two in Heaven. More happiness that my Mary is missing. Though maybe she knew this baby before conception. Who knows. Gracie is growing so fast at five and a half months. Here is a photo of her OBJECTING to carrots. . She's such a huge personality. This week is the last days they will be living here. The boys are excited to move but don't want to leave Grampy.

Thanks for all the support and empathy. I will definitely look into a life alert button. I will ask my dr.

If the house goes through they will be thirty minutes from me. It's scary.

Since 19 months ago when my Mary passed on our son DIL two grandsons and now Gracie have lived with me. My son informed me that they have an offer in on a house. I will be alone for the first time. They deserve to be their own family though. I know that. I just honestly don't know how I'll handle it. If it weren't for them through health issues I have I wouldn't be alive today. I am going to miss my grandchildren most. They are my heart. They won't be too far away but it will be very different and difficult on me. I'm scared to face the aloneness. Am I crazy? Butch

Big blessings to all of you it's very scary to face serious health issues without our spouse. I know it all too well. Hugs

Thank you all. I keep getting knocked down and I sometimes think I only get back up because of my son and DIL and grandchildren

I miss her so much my heart is hurting physically. Coming up on nineteen months and I hurt more than ever. I don't think it will ever her better. Butch.

Kay declared Gracie as the forums baby. Here's a couple pics I received from vacation. I miss her so much.

I found this pic of my Mary from eight years ago. It's bittersweet.

I miss you my sweet beautiful bride. There's a hole where you belong. But my love for you is boundless. That is all... ?

Thank you all. No worriees. I'm just take a break. I'm not getting rid of account or never coming back. I just need some time. How could I leave for good? Not with the bond we all share. Plus Gracie girl is the forums baby. I missed what happened with Brad. But am saddened he is gone. Maybe he just needs time and one day will come back. I will pray for that. I'm in NJ on my way home to CT from FL. I should be home in a few hours though traffic is horrible. I missed the boys. And I missed Gracie's first try at solids. She got more peas on her face than in her mouth. I miss my family and can't wait to see them again. Take care everyone. Much love. Butch

Thank you all im leaving FL on Monday for my drive back to CT. I'm dealing with a lot of difficult feelings. Guilt. Regret. Pain. But I miss my family so I'm headed home next week. Mary is indeed with me here. But my heart hurts. I wish our missing loved ones could heal our hearts. My heart hurts so bad sometimes that I just want to crawl out of my skin. My chest aches.

Yes Gracie will be cheering for the Wolverines.

I've safely arrived in FL. I'm sleeping a lot. Going to the beach in the evenings as it is too hot during the daytime hours. I'm doing a lot of writing to my Mary. Maybe just maybe she knows what I'm saying. At the beach I came across a set of footprints in the sand and there was no one near them. I asked myself if this is a sign. i miss Allen Katie and my Dad and the grandkids. I received this photo of Gracie girl in matching Michigan football jerseys with her Daddy. they are ready for the season when it arrives. I'm going to take a nap again. I'm napping a lot. Which I really need. Prayers to everyone here. Love, Butch