LadyCarrie

Hi, Thank you all so very much for your prayers and friendship. These are enough, Marty. No one could ask for more. I am so very grateful. We thought kidney disease was the worst thing we had to watch out for regarding Beauregard's health. We are told that he doesn't have cancer in his kidneys, but he does have acute kidney disease, which is treatable. Ironical. Mia, I somehow must not cry. The danger is retinal detachment. My risk is greater due to my having Sjogren's Disease, which is an autoimmune disease. The most common symptoms are dry eyes, mouth, and skin, but some internal organs are sometimes affected. For me, it's my esophagus and lungs. I usually don't think of anything except my eyes (and skin- they love me at the Estée Lauder counter). I use drops at night to prevent my eyelids from sticking to my eyes (I panicked the first time that happened, and tore my cornea when I forced my lid up with my finger; I was in ophthalmologist's office as soon as they opened). I am remembering the Bible verse that tells me, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Phillipians 4:13). This is my hope and my prayer. I do not know if it's possible to postpone crying until a particular date on the calendar, but I'm going to try. My second surgery is September 9. I know one must wait a month before rubbing a new eye surgery site, so I guess that tells us when I should be safe. Until I had surgery, I think I've cried some just about every day (e.g. anticipatory grief; Ashely; Callie). I didn't think I could keep from crying. I explained my situation to the tech, and she said that I could cry. She also told me I can use my regular eye drops. I learned neither is accurate. Because I got through 2013, when Jerry was so sick, I have hope. I cannot do it very well without my forum friends, so just pray me through it, please. Jerry sometimes playfully calls me "Magnolia Blossom," because I'm from the South. I think I'm going to need to be a steel magnolia. The magnolia blossom is the state flower of Mississippi. Anne, thank you for reminding me we are not alone. Love and hugs to all, Carrie

Hello, my friends, Little ole Beauregard never had a chance. He has Hemangiosarcoma, a highly metastatic cancer of blood vessels that started in his spleen. It went to his heart, brain, pancreas, lungs, liver, retroperitoneal cavity (abdominal), and I'm not sure what else Amberly said (I don't think much is left). We suspect the cancer has moved to his bones, but we weren't told this. This explains the dark stools, and his collapsing on the driveway and losing bladder control when I was playing ball with him that day. We've told the vet about the blood in the stools for months. She knew something was not right, but tests showed nothing, except slightly low protein. He became so he couldn't play ball, but could chase the laser light until a few days ago. He was falling over while playing, so I checked his toenails. He was due for a pedicure, so I though that must be it. We've had him checked ever since Ashely died last October to make sure he didn't have kidney disease. The vets found nothing wrong with him, except a heart murmur, until the day I told you he has "severe pancreatitis and acute kidney disease." The treatment for that is boluses of water, which Amberly did. She kept him waterlogged, but in increments that would keep his heart safe. Amberly took him to the vet Wednesday after work for a shot for nausea. A second set of X-rays showed he had CHF, and Amberly was told that she'd given him too much water. Amberly texted me to say, "I think I've killed him." I said, "I'll be right there." I was going to ask Jerry if he felt able to get us to her, but she said that all staff were being kind to her, and that I cannot be at a vet's office a week after cataract surgery. My mother-heart struggled. Our old friend vet "happened" to see her in an exam room, and came to see what was happening with Beauregard. He told her to think like a nurse (rather than the warped out family member she was), and she would know she had done the right thing, for the treatments for kidneys and CHF are opposites. I'm thankful he was there to reel her back in (I'm convinced God gives us people, and at just the right time). The new vet prescribed lasix for the CHF. A few hours later, at 3 the next morning, Beauregard went into complete kidney failure due to the lasix. As of today, we know the fluid around his heart was not water, but blood. A tumor in a blood vessel had broken, which is common with this kind of cancer. He does not have CHF. Amberly says that although the vet misdiagnosed him, and hastened his inevitable death, it's a mistake she herself could have made. We are sad, but not angry. When the radiologist saw the X-Rays, we got a far different diagnosis. There is rarely a way to diagnose this exceptionally-aggressive cancer until the patient is near death. It usually happens to larger dogs. Beauregard always did think he was a big bloodhound like his ancestors, and we never told him the truth. Thank you for praying for us. Please continue. Please pray for Beauregard to be pain-free, especially during his euthanasia sometime Monday morning. We haven't been given a time. This is SO hard. Hugs,Carrie

Dear friends, Beauregard is not doing well at all. We were told yesterday (I think yesterday; my days are getting confused) that he has CHF, as well as pancreatitis and acute kidney disease (treatable). Late today, the vet called to say that the radiologist says there is no CHF, but there is something in his peritoneum near his kidneys, but not in them. The vet wants to do an ultrasound. About 3 this morning Beauregard went into complete kidney failure, Amberly said (he's sleeping with her). He was panting while in his potty box for 15 minutes before he could urinate. He has not urinated all day. He ate breakfast, but has refused food the rest of the day. Amberly is supposed to work ER tomorrow, but she's staying here with our baby and her Mama and Daddy. We need to be together this weekend. Two young vets have offered to come here tomorrow, if we need them. Prayerfully, we will not. If we need someone here, we really need an experienced vet. It was just last month that we lost Callie, and last October, we lost Ashely. I'm told that it's not a good idea for me to cry just a week after cataract surgery. I can tell my eyes this, but I don't think my heart is listening. I'm doing my best to shove the grief down. You guys please pray us through this ~ again. I love each of you for it. We will all hold each other up. Some of you are in as much emotional pain as we are. I always pray for you also ~ every morning. Going to check on the boy again. Hugs, Carrie

Thanks, y'all. That got me straightened out. I did think it was neat to be "Administrator" for a day though, if only on my own computer. Thanks, Marty. Happy and grateful to be back in my own spot again also. ?. ❤️ Carrie

Has anyone noticed that Jerry and my photo is where Marty's photo belongs; Fae's lovely fairy is where Jerry's and my photo belong, and I believe Marj's cat is where Fae belongs? Interesting. This is how it's been showing up for me for a couple of days. Carrie

Thank you, Maryann, for Hope. Thank you for the elderly gentleman's well-expressed comment. Carrie

Jerry says with a big smile, "Thank you, Marty. I appreciate that." Carrie

Hi, All, Beauregard is much more alert today, and not continually groaning, so he just might make it. He's far from being out of the woods, but his eyes look normal. I see light and a will to live today. There was no light or will to live yesterday. He doesn't have the labored breathing as he had yesterday. He's can get into his potty box, but just wants to lie still otherwise. When he begins groaning, Amberly repositions him, and he stops groaning for a little while. Amberly is giving him boluses, held his food for 24 hours, and has him on Flagyl (antibiotic). She's held him day and night since Friday afternoon when she came home to take him to the vet. Prayerfully, we've caught the pancreatitis in time to save him. His kidney enzymes will go down likely, if we did. Kidney disease often starts after a bout of pancreatitis. Doxies are prone to have both. It seems we can't get away from KD! Amberly did put Beauregard in his bed long enough to cook lasagna for Jerry. Today is Jerry's 79th birthday. Amberly ordered a chocolate cake for him. He would brag on my cake if I baked one, although it would look like it was baked by a small child, and have the texture of rubber. It's better to spare us both, and just and call the bakery. After Amberlys lasagna and green bean casserole run out this coming week, I guess I can refer to my "Best Foods" board on Pinterest for inspiration. Carrie

Hi, Marj, A better mommy no cat could possibly have than you. You are a wonderful, wonderful cat mommy. You should not be refused kittens based on your age. I believe all pet owners, particularly we older ones, do need to arrange good care for our pets in our absence, especially if we adopt them when they're young. I have one neighbor, who about is my age (71), who just lost her much-loved dog, and has recently adopted a new puppy. She made arrangements to have her niece take care of her new baby, if she herself can't. That's being responsible. I have another neighbor who is quite ill with cancer and really bad COPD, yet he adopted a boxer dog and a cat. On that one, I can't help but wonder what the Humane Society was thinking. We've worried about our neighbor for a long time, and Amberly has helped him medically whenever he's needed her. Now, we worry about his animals having good care. He has a heart big enough for a multitude of pets, and has been an excellent pet owner for many years, but his health is now broken. I wonder if he might not be denying the reality of his health and willing himself to live. He's also very lonely, so I hurt for him. He has no family, and no friend to take his pets. He says they can go back to the Humane Society. Unfortunately, old, sick and not-so-cute animals are not often adopted again, and must be caged for the rest of their lives. So sad. I am a cat person. I would love to have a cat. We've always had a house cat before Jerry became allergic. I would also love to have another baby Doxie (seems I must!). It feels like we just can't be without one, but we have a very small family, and no one to be responsible for it when we can't. If Amberly decides to get a baby Doxie, we can babysit (I'm daydreaming). She's at work most of her time, so she likely will not get one anytime soon. Jerry's 2-month stay in Modesto (hospital) taught us that now is not the right time for us. We must stay at the ready to move fast back to Modesto. Beauregard (our last Doxie baby) is now critically ill with pancreatitis. He was diagnosed today. If he did not have pancreatitis, his diagnosis would be kidney disease, because his kidney enzymes are quite high. I looked at those lab values, groaned, and told Amberly that he has KD just like his cousins, Ashely and Callie. She said that she thought so also, but the vet expects the kidney enzymes to go down if we can get the pancreatitis under control. Unless those numbers come down, he will have both. Things are not looking safe for our boy even if he has "only" pancreatitis. The vet said that he may not make it. Amberly says pancreatitis is treatable, and she's going to fight for him. Fluids are ultra important. She could get the vet to give him only 100 mL of water by bolus yesterday, because he's not dehydrated. Today, she asked for another bolus. The bag was marked for 200 mL. The vet stepped out of the room. Amberly began squeezing the bag until she had 300 mL into him, and then removed the needle. She knew not to give more, because he has a heart murmur. She said that had she given him 500 mL, he would have been the size of two Doxies ?. Our regular vets are not on duty, and are unavailable. You've heard me say that a few times, haven't you (one did call and apologize re Callie's death; not her fault ~ on vacation)? The two vets Amberly could get are right out of school, and we had never met them. Amberly says she likes them both; they're just inexperienced, she says. She believes our regular vets would be giving him as much water by bolus as he can tolerate. I do also. I've decided that if I find myself alone, I'm going to adopt at least one old raunchy ally cat, and love her with all my heart. I'm going to enjoy giving her the best life possible, while filling my own empty arms. I'll ask God to send me just the right one. Old, sad, hurting cats need a good home where they are treated with tenderness. Maybe you can move next to me, Marj, and we can open a home for cats of all ages ❤️. I wish you well ~ and healing. Hugs, Carrie

Dear Karen, I am so, so sorry. I cannot say that I know how you feel, but "somewhat" perhaps, because I live with anticipatory grief also. Kay is right, it is living with death. My heart goes out to you. We here on the forum will be here with and for you. You won't have to go through this alone. Losing a child seems beyond what a parent can endure. Carrie

Good morning to all, We just got a call from the vet regarding labs. Beauregard has severe pancreatitis. Enzymes 2.5 times normal. His kidney enzymes are elevated, but likely due to pancreas, rather than kidney disease. Cannot tell for sure yet. Vet says that he might die. She says that he must be treated aggressively, if to be saved. Severe pain and nausea. Amberly just took him back to the vet for a shot for nausea. She requested they give him a bolus of water this morning, which they will do. She also requested X-rays, and they agreed to do a series. She said that she is going to give it a good fight, because although he's very sick, pancreatitis is fightable. Carrie

Dear Butch, Our hearts go out to you and to your precious family. All of us here care deeply. Our thoughts and prayers are with you. Nothing I try to say seems right. Just know we will be praying for all of you. As Marty said, feel our collective arms around you. Carrie

Thanks, dear friends. I posted on Anne's thread Changes I'm Making under Living With Loss regarding my surgery, so I won't repeat here. I came here just now to say, Here we go again. Beauregard has been losing ground since before Callie died, but he became worse with time afterward. Jerry came to tell me a few minutes ago, "Beau is one sick little boy." He used his iPad so I can see him and the room. Today, he has black diarrhea, is vomiting, and doesn't want to get out of his bed. He has had a round raised place on his side for a few days, but may be totally unrelated. Amberly is is on her way home to get him to take him to the vet (neither of ours is working today). She will need to go back to finish her work afterward. Surely, we aren't about to lose our last baby. I'm probably just feeling panicky because of losing our two girls already this year. I'm an anxious Doxie mama right now. Maybe we will know something soon. I'm sure they'll draw his blood today. I'm not sure we will get the results even tomorrow, considering we live in an area where they have to pump in sunshine. Maybe they'll give him a bolus, as they did when he got dehydrated a few years ago. Perked him right up. I'm hopeful. Carrie

Dear Friends, I thank each of you for caring, and for praying. I can write today, now that my eye is not watering like a slow-moving river. Other than that small, expected problem, I'm doing well, and can see remarkably better. God is good. The blue tint often experienced after cataract surgery arrived yesterday afternoon, but mine is a lovely lavender. I wish I could hurry to paint the eastern mountains, which I see from my bed, before my new color scheme disappears. I was awake during my entire procedure. I was supposed to become sleepy on versed, but that part happened after I was home an hour or two. People around me were snoring, but I was wide-eyed and talking with my anesthesiologist. He decided to do the block anyway. It hurt like blazes, and I told him so. Nicely, of course. Mama would be proud of me. I stayed very still, and hoped it would be over soon. I now know that a needle snaking through my eye looks like a small white tube from the underside. The positive side of that negative is that I got to be awake to watch the light and color show of the phacoemulsification of my natural lens and the implantation of my new one. To some, that might not be a positive, but to me, I found it intriguing and fascinating. Since it had to happen, I'm glad I experienced it. I'm hoping next time, I can see that part, but skip being awake for the block. Versed makes others not even know they're there. It doesn't work for me. I tried to tell them, but they didn't believe me. My doctor does, because I can tell him the sequence of the procedure and what I saw and heard (including the colors and sounds). When Jerry had his cataract surgeries done in 2010, they gave him 4 mg Valium twice, although he denied anxiety, wrapped him in a warm blanket, before they gave him his IV. For me, I signed the papers, walked 4 feet to get onto the surgery table, nurses took my vitals, did the EKG thing, stuck the IV into my hand, and the anesthesiologist appeared. He did the block, and they wheeled me into the surgery room. The surgery itself took 12 minutes. I asked how I did BP-wise. I stayed normal throughout the whole thing, except once when my systolic number jumped to 139. I believe I know when that happened! It's not an experience I look forward to again, but it's doable. From my research, I know that most are well-sedated, and the worst is over for them after the IV. In fact, the anesthesiologist told me that the worst was over when the IV was done. I believed him. I had been concerned about my getting a standard lens rather than the Toric lens since my astigmatism was -4.26 according to my glasses prescription. All I could get from my consultant is that the doctor had chosen the standard lens for me. I refused to sign the papers without talking with my doctor about this, for the difference in the results is huge. He gave me a simple answer, and I was ready to crawl onto his table. It is the cataract that is causing my astigmatism to be moderate; otherwise, it's mild. I wondered why my doctor wasn't answering this question for me. It turns out that for whatever her reasons, the consultant hadn't let him know I needed to talk with him. That part is over now, and we will move on. That won't be happening again. I'm delighted with my surgery, and would even suffer the block again, if that's what it would take. I expect them to do something different for me next month. When I was waiting on the table, I'm quite sure I heard Anne say, "Breathe, Carrie." Thank you Anne. I'm sure you helped with my blood pressure, sweet friend. Blessings and hugs to all, Carrie

Dear Friends, I thank each of you for hanging tough with me, and for your kind words. My heart goes out to each of you, and I will be thinking and praying for us all. God is good. We are going to be all right in time. We must, and so we will (doesn't feel like it one bit some days, dies it?!). I'm going to be off for a while, because my first cataract surgery is at 7:45 in the morning. My primary physician told me that I'm going to need to be very still during this surgery (he's thinking my injured SI joint, etc.). That's a particular prayer request, all right? ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Warm hugs to all, Carrie

Harry, I'm truly sorry you are hurting. You've suffered such deep sorrow. I'm sure I don't know the half of it, but I care about what I do know. I agree with Fae and Kay about prayer and miracles. Jerry's Middle Eastern physician sat on his bed and told him that he was never to forget that God gave him a miracle. She said that he was her second miracle patient. His doctors still tell him, "You're not supposed to be here." Medically speaking, they are right. Jerry believes God gave him more time for the purpose of concretely helping those in need. I know his story doesn't ease your pain. I wish so much that I could say something that would do that. Just know we care. We are definitely told to help others. Those who have suffered in particular ways know better how to help others who suffer similarly. Because of your many and deep, deep hurts, you are capable of helping others. You are helping some who only you can help. You are doing what you need to do, and are doing it well. You are living your purpose. You are appreciated by many. No one knows all the reasons God allows suffering in this life, but we know a few. Because I'm trying to understand better myself (I hurt also), I'm reading a book called, "Why Suffering? Finding Meaning and Comfort When Life Doesn't Make Sense" by Ravi Zacharias and Vince Vitale. I find the book helpful. I recommend it for those of us who are searching for answers. Carrie

I'm so relieved to hear Lily is holding on! We will still pray, of course. We all care so much, Butch. We are all with you. Warm hugs, Carrie

Fae, All your sisters (and brothers) celebrate your good news with you. I thank God for answering our prayers. I told Jerry and Amberly that you aren't feeling well. Now, I can tell them with a happy heart that you are going to be all right. They will be rejoice with you also. I'll need to wait until tonight to tell Amberly, because she's in class at Stockton (near Sacramento) at St. Joseph's Hospital until Tuesday. Stress free and slothful sounds good for this weekend. Let's go for it. I strongly encourage you to rest and allow your "insides" to heal. I carry my stress in my tummy also. I would like to think those sustained muscle spasms are "beer can abs," but it ain't so. They are there due to a combination of stress and friendly support for my spine. I've wondered whether if they decide to relax if I might not slither to the floor. They're just doing their job. I'm finding it difficult to praise them for it though. Anne, you said that you are watching me. I'm about to start looking for your hidden camera, because as I look at your Cookie Monster this morning, I'm sitting here with my fists full of cookies. Uncanny. I'm busted. Beauregard and I likely wore similar expressions to that of Cookie Monster as we frolicked through the forest just before that danged tree root reached out and caught me by my foot. Dancing is just plain good for us. It causes our happy to rise up and bubble over. Ironically, Jerry was remembering this morning his dancing with Amberly on his feet when she was a little girl. He said, with a sweet, poignant smile on his precious face, "My little girl grew up to be a beautiful lady." When I told her what her daddy said, she said, "Awwww. Sweet memories of life." Indeed. Amberly also grew up to enjoy ballroom dancing. She's is a good swing dancer, and gets her photo in the newspaper once in a while. This never fails to surprise her, for she's just having fun. I'll get my eyes fixed so I can continue to sew her dance dresses (and bloomers). Thank you all for remembering me on Wednesday. You are a blessing. If God be willing, and I believe He is, I intend to heal from both my surgeries and my injuries, and resume my normal life (but what is one?). I can do this with you guys pulling for me. I can, and I will. I intend to dance again like Cookie Monster. Cataract surgery is 90 - 98% "a piece of cake." For those who have moderate to severe astigmatism (I have moderate), limbal relaxing incisions might need to be made in the cornea during surgery, or lasik correction afterward. Ordinarily, people who have astigmatism are offered Toric lens, but according to the machine that is used to measure eyes, I am in a "lucky three percent" who do not need the Toric lens. My prescription tells them I need Toric lens, but the machine tells them I don't. They say, "We can't argue with the machine." A risk with the Toric lens is that it can slip, which causes blurry vision. Their plan is likely best, so we now ask God to guide the surgeon's hands and decisions during surgery (We belong to the same church, so he will have to look at me). He's a good doctor, and a good friend who prayed for Jerry when he was so sick (he told Amberly so on the phone). Our doctor is also a good man, evidenced by his adoptions of handicapped children from China and other countries at different times. The last little boy has only one arm. He and his wife were not told this until they arrived in China. His having one arm didn't matter to them, of course. It made him even more special. Our church family fell in love with him right away, for no one can resist this wee boy's shy smile. These children have a wonderful home, and will have wonderful opportunities. Good people in our world are refreshing. On a totally unrelated subject, if Butch is posting, I've been unable to find where. I am worried about him. Has anyone heard from him? How is our little Lily? I will continue to pray for you all as you pray for me. I pray for healing, strength, and stamina physically, and joy and peace for your souls. Carrie Sent from my iPad

Just too funny! Carrie

I wasn't always 71 with a cracked SI joint and waiting for cataract surgery next week. I do like to dance.

"We Are Family". Sister Sledge. 1979. Love and hugs to all, Carrie

Carrie, I found your video of Chester on YouTube last night. We are all in love with that little boy of yours. I can hardly wait to share the video with Jerry and Amberly. Carrie

Dear Cindy, My heart goes out to you. It takes a while to get through the first year(s) of not buying school supplies even in ideal circumstances (children off to college). A good mother's love is so deep and strong. You are obviously a wonderful mother, and a kind friend. I can only imagine how you feel. My sister lived it. Her teenage daughter was murdered. Please know I care. As for helping your hurting neighbor, each of us is expected to help others as much as we can. You helped all you can for now, and all you can is enough. Sometimes there is nothing more healing than a warm and tender hug from a warm and kind heart. You gave the best of what was needed to the boy. You did well. I think it's time for you to "come away and rest a while." Blessings and warm hugs, Carrie

Dear Butch, You and your family are in my prayers this morning. You are special to us, and Lily has grabbed all of our hearts. She is little, yet has touched many hearts. May our Lord hold each of you, and give you courage, strength, and stamina. Blessings and warm hugs, Carrie

Butch, Our family here, as well as your Forum Family, are praying fervently for you and your family ~ and especially for precious little Lily. I'm partial to the name Lily, for it was my mother's name. Carrie