spunkye

Thank you so much for that quotation, Walt...it's so true. Every once in awhile I remember to be grateful for our lives together. He made me a much better person and I am so blessed to have not only known him but been loved by him. Teny, It's been 10 months since my husband, Dick, died and I'm just beginning to think about the good times in our 10 years together. The first few months were a nightmare of guilt, regrets, and relieving the last few months of his life. It will ease up! God bless, Benita

Hi William, It's so unbelievably hard to go through the death of a loved one - a spouse...and I think it makes it quadrupally (sp?) hard to try to go through it alone.!!!...and on top of that having a mental illness and not having support ---- I don't know if I could do it! I had and have my grown daughter to be with, I have a Bible study I go to and I have a few 'long-distance-telephone' friends...and that has made all the difference. I agree with Karen, when she talked about how support is so needed at this time... and being a hermit makes it worse, too. Know that we care about you, William, and be careful who you "latch" onto - many people will often take advantage!! And right now we're all particulary vulnerable. I'll continue to pray for you...I believe God loves us very much regardless of the circumstances and I also strongly believe that God answers prayer. God bless, Benita

Hi Kay, I really don't know what to say. I'm sorry for George being gone and I'm sorry you have to go through this grief. It's been 10 months for me - and, although the pain is not as frequent, I still miss him so much. He too was a very special man..full of love and compassion for others, full of interest and happiness and joy...everyone always felt good being around him - he always had something good to say to and about everyone. Hewas the best and dearest and safest man and person I ever knew. I miss you so much, my sweetheart. Benita

Dear Walt, I can so understand what you're saying...did my husband REALLY know how much I loved him...how much he meant to me...how much I cared?....those have been some of the haunting questions I've cried over these last 10 months. The other night I had a dream that definately helped! I dreamt that Dick and I were walking side by side and I turned to him and earnestly said "I REALLY love you!" He just very nonchalantly said "I know." I believe your Jeannie knows too! God bless you, Walt. Benita

Dear Kay, I prayed for you and will continue to ask God to bring comfort to you, hold you in His loving embrace and help you through the week. I know He will!! Love, Benita

Hi Karen, I lost my husband in August of 2006 - I still love him, as well. The sadness comes and goes, the tears come and go, and the memories come and go. I can so relate to your burden and I'm so sorry any of us have to go through this. One of the things I recently realized, that seemed to be a positive realization, is that I've been wanting and waiting for the pain to "go away forever" and without consciously being aware of it, wanting to go back to the way I felt when Dick was alive. When I finally accepted that I can't go back to the way I felt, the way I was, the life I had, but that he would always be in my heart and in my thoughts and there would always be tears and missing him, it eased my feelings of despair and allowed me to accept the sadness that would occassionally come up for the rest of my life. We can't just erase our loves from our minds and hearts - they will always be with us. Now, thank God, good memories are surfacing almost as often as the sad ones. It's been said "Life is a process"...I might add, so is death. Blessings to you, Benita

Hi Haley, It's so hard losing someone you love dearly and the feelings and desires we have after the loss, I believe, are basically normal. My husband died August 24 and I miss him so much. For a while it didn't feel like life was worth living and I wanted him to come back and tell me he was ok, or talk to me or SOMETHING...I've had dreams of him, but nothing spectacular, like I'd like. Part of my comfort is knowing he is in heaven having a *wonderful* time, in a healthy, energetic body, smiling and laughing and doing whatever it is God wants him to do. That's so much better than how he felt during his last year here on earth. He'll always be part of my life - I'll always love and appreciate him - he'll never completely go away, 'cuz he'll never go away from my mind and heart. As time passes, it does get easier - and I swear there were times when I could not believe that. It's been 7 months now, and it does get easier - less incredibly painful, and more hopeful. God bless and comfort you - and keep coming back to this site - it's so loving and warm and healing! Benita

Dear Walt, I'm so sorry for your incredible pain...please know that you are in my prayers and in my thoughts - and my cyber-space arms are hugging you now and all this week.! Benita

Dear Jane, It feels like the hardest thing in the world to lose your spouse - and 'rejection' from so-called friends (or family) afterward just makes the clouds darker. What I thought of when I read 'your friend's' reply to your soul-baring disclosure is that SHE can't handle it - it has nothing to do with you, but has everything to do with HER - and her apparent selfishness and callousness. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. People are weird sometimes, arent they? My husband of 10 years had 5 grown children and 15 grandchildren when he died in August, and I haven't heard from ONE of them, except through an attorney the middle daughter hired because she was under the impression that he had money that went to me that should have gone to them. The daughters were around when he died and one of them was asking me - a couple of hours before he died - what funeral arrangements I had made...I wasn't even thinking straight, never mind thinking about a funeral. They went ahead and had a funeral (I let them get some of his ashes) in their home-town and b asically sent me the message that I wouldn't be comfortable attending because my husband's youngest son would be there and he and my husband and I were estranged. I still find that whole situation unbelievable! His youngest son, with whom he had been estranged for about 8 years, wouldn't even say ANYTHING on the phone to his father the day he died...and my husband was in a coma, so there would have been no respone. One of the sisters called the son to let him know their dad didn't have long left and would he please say something to him on the phone - his reply was 'no'. How cold-hearted can a person be? I sure learned a lesson from all of that...people can do the meanest, most heartless things you can possibly imagine - and none of this was about me, it was all about their selfishness and callousness. I know that to be true, because we all got along fine while Dick was alive. I hope this mini-novel has helped somewhat. Just remember, the people who are truly kind and loving and considerate will NOT treat you this way - and you're better off without the 'mean' ones in your life! Love, Benita

Hi everyone, I went to my grief recovery group last night and left before it was over...and screamed, sobbed, yelled and carried on like a maniac on the drive home and parked down the street of my house and carried on some more, before I came home. I didn't want to get into a conversation about it with my daughter - I didn't feel like talking..I just wanted to go to sleep. I think what got me into such a state last night was the two main topics on the video and in the discussion afterward...guilt and suicide. Not often, but every once in a while, I feel like there's no reason to go on. My husband is gone and I don't know what to do with my life. I'm just so unhappy and I get to thinking so negatively. I, deep down inside - never admitting to anyone- feel I'm too old to start a new life. And then I feel guilty 'cuz God has given me so much...a wonderful daughter, a warm home, a new little car, a fabulous little dog, my health, friends ( with whom I don't stay in touch), an Alaskan cruise coming in May, and mostly His love, promises and plans for a new life. I just get so depressed sometimes, I can hardly stand it. I also feel guilty for not being as kind, patient, loving and understanding with my husband during his last few monoths of life. Anyway, I just wanted to 'put it out there'...I don't feel very strong or courageous at all right now. It's been 7 months since he died - and I still can't believe it. Love to all, Benita

Dear Ellejaye, I am so very sorry for you in the loss o f your love. The pain, the confusion, the numbness, feelings of hopelessness - all of the emotions and thoughts and despair you shared about - I believe we all, on this forum have and still are, experiencing. Even though circumstances are different, our pain is there. I lost my husband August 24 and thought I was coming out of the devestating grief, but I think a lot of what I was doing was just trying to bury my feelings. I started a grief recovery group last Monday and this past week has been very hard!!...I guess Valentines Day didn't help either. One of the comments made at the group that has stayed with me this week has to do with going 'through' the pain and not attempting to run from it or pretend we don't have it. This is a place where I can safely share all the pain and confusion i have. This forum has been a loving and compassionate support for me - and I'm sure it will be for you, too. You sound like a loving, caring and understanding woman - please treat yourself as you would a hurting friend, and be loving, caring and understanding toward yourself. This is a journey none of us would consciously choose, but as long as we're on it, we CAN help eachother through it! Love and hugs and prayers, Benita

Dear Janine, Thank you for that beautiful letter your husband wrote. So very understanding and empathic...loving and helpful. Thank you for sharing it with us! Love, Benita

Dear Maylissa, What a beautiful response...thank you for that! Love, Benita

Hi all, I haven't posted on this particular site until now. My husband died August 24, and I've been posting under the 'other headings'...but now, unfortunately, I need to post here. My most adorable, sweet and precious "momma-Kat" died one week ago. I had her for 16 years and I've NEVER know a more affectionate and lovable 'girl' than her. She would cuddle and talk to me and snuggle with me and give me kisses - I loved her so much!!...and my husband, Dick, fell in love with her too and her with him. She always slept on his lap - during his naps and at night. Anyway, while I was away with my daughter for a couple of days, our friend was staying at our house to take care of my daughter's two dogs and sleep with Momma-Kat - 'cuz she would get lonely all by herself. We got a call from Katrina on Saturday saying MK was very sick and not moving...I told her to take her to the vet - the vet called me and said he didn't think she would last the day. She had cancer all inside her - so I asked him to put her to sleep, as I didn't want her to suffer. I cried the entire drive home - about 8 hours. I've been praying to please be able to see 'Momma' one more time, and last night I dreamt that I was driving a open car and this HUGE, black cat(momma was tiny, tiny - and black), came and jumped on my lap and started snuggling, giving me kisses and talking to me. Then I noticed her tag and it said "This cat is street-trained"...and I knew that meant she was taking care of and looking over other animals now - and I also knew that not many cats got that privelege, but she did because she was sooooo kind andloving!!! Then she jumped off my lap and took off, as if she had work to do!! (I think she was so huge because now she was eating more and her body was healthier). I'd always thought that when animals go to heaven, they're companions - just like they were here. I never thought they actually "worked"...but now I know differently. Maybe momma is a 'guardian cat' now. This dream gave me so much peace and pleasure, and I wanted to share it with other furry-kids moms and dads. Love and heart-peace to all, Benita

Hi Deborah, Thank you for your good wishes! I'm home tonight watching 'religious' Christmas programming and was able to put out a picture of Dick and when I look at it NOT get hysterical... I wish you peace and comfort during this season. Love, Benita