spunkye

Derek - you made me cry...but they were meaningful tears - thank you for your prayer. Love, Benita

Chrissy!!!....yea!!!!!!!!!!!!...Baby Jason - welcome!!! and congratulations to you, Chrissy! Yep, it does sound like God was being good to you giving you only 7 hours of labor - wow, what a piece of cake Love, Benita

Shirley, My husband, Dick, died August 24 - during his last days at home with me, a helper and hospice, he too kept trying to get out of bed. He said he wanted to go "home". I don't know if he meant "heaven" or if he was talking about the home we had sold a couple of months ago (weve been staying at my daughter's home). It was an awful feeling...I wanted him so badly to be ok and not be dying and not thinking clearly...it was a nightmare! A few nights before that, he started asking me who "all the people are"..."all the people here and in the other rooms" - there wasnt anyone here but us. My sister thinks he was seeing angels and that they were coming around to help him and to help him make his transition. That IS such a nice thought...I hope it's true. I miss him so much and my heart still aches and the tears still come and I still feel so unhappy and miserable - but the constant, 24 hour a day, gut-wrenching, sickening pain is subsiding...thank God. And then, (how weird) I find I feel sort of guilty for not feeling as bad. God bless us and comfort us all! Love, Benita

Hi everyone, I, too, am getting a little nervous about the holidays...and I also had a birthday - it was yesterday. I had made an appointment to get my hair done, after I took a good look in the mirror the other day and practically passed out from shock!! When I woke up I didnt feel like going to the appointment, but forced myself., and I'm glad I did. I look a little more presentable - even if it's just for me and my daughter, (and even if I'm a little too blonde and it's a little too short!) Dick always got me a card for my birthday that was either very sentimental or very funny. As far as presents go, the last few years he never knew what to get me so he would say I could get myself something if I would. We hadn't really made too much of our birthdays in the last maybe three years or so. We were fortunate enough to be able to buy whatever we needed when we needed it during the year (we were both retired) - so when our birthdays came around, it was always a bit of a challenge. We were married almost 9 years - together about 10 - and in our earlier years together I would surprise him with outrageous presents...like one year I secretly packed a bag for both of us and told him we had to go for a drive 'cuz I had a surprise for him - and I had made reservations at a motel in Las Vegas (we live in California) for the weekend so he could see one of his favorite entertainers (I forgot her name-a jazz singer) who happened to be playing there that weekend. It was a blast and he LOVED it!! One year I gave him a surprise present that was a ride on a "Murder Mystery Train" out of a little town not too far from us. He didn't know what it was all about for the longest time after we got to our destination - where the train was to be boarded. The murder mystery started before we boarded the train - a fight was staged and yelling and hollering was going on - and Dick was so stunned and kept looking at me and wondering what in the world was everyone doing and why were there so many people milling around watching!? He loved that one too! Then I remember one year he didn't buy me anything - he put money in a card for me, and I didn't talk to him for days - until he went out and bought me something personally!! Yep, the holidays are definitely going to be a challenge. Has anyone else thought about alternative ways of spending them? Love, Benita

Hi Jamie,\ Im so sorry for your loss - reading your message made me cry. I lost my husband just over a month ago and sometimes I felt like I couldn't go on...there seemed to be no purpose and the future looked so bleak - actually I couldn't even see the future without him. The pain was so unbearable - he was such a good man and it was such a shock that he died. I found this site just a week or so ago and I can't tell you how comforting it is to know there are those of you "out there" that understand and share their story as well. Although my time on this site has been very short, it is such a comfort - so please, hang in there and keep coming back here....it's helping me so much..I'm sure you'll feel the same way. I was out running a few errands today and all of a sudden I just started crying and hurting so badly - knowing that when I cam home, Dick wouldn't be here - then I thought about coming on this site and actually felt some of the gloom and despair lift. Thank you for being here - I neesd you here...thank all of you for being here. Love, Benita

Hi Deb, I too have a birthday coming up in three days - I don't feel much like celebrating and I can understand your sadness around not being with your honey on your birthday. It will be the first time for me without Dick on my birthday, in 10 years. All of these "firsts" we have to go through - they're not easy, are they? You'll be in my thoughts and prayers on your birthday. Love, Benita

Thank you everybody for your kind, warm, loving and welcoming words. I cant tell you what a difference it made in my heart to read your replies. Amazingly, after posting, the next morning I packed a small bag and drove to my mom and sister's, about 2-3 hours away. I felt sick (physically) most of the time I was there, but it was so good to do that. My mom lost her husband (my stepfather) about 11 years ago and she was so sweet and understanding...and my sister was too...but possib ly one of the most important aspects of the trip was "shopping therapy" and having lunch out with them. I'm still not ready to take the longer trip to Oxnard (4-ish hours away) to visit my friends, and i'm still not sure ab out the trip to Hawaii, but I do feel b etter today. When I asked my mom how long it took her to start feeling better she said "six years" - but then she added she believed it took her so long because for the first year her friends kept her so busy she didn't really grieve...she thinks that what I'm feeling and doing will actually help me get through it better. Some of you said it does get worse before it gets better and I know that's true...I sure don't want it to get worse than it has been the past week or two - but I must be prepared for that and now I know I can use this group for support. Thank you!! I have a lot to be grateful for - we had a really wonderful, fun, and loving marriage for 9 years - he was always there for me - very compassionate, very kind, very caring...and some people never have that! I'm also very grateful for my incredible daughter - with whom I'm living - and who is such a sweetheart and so understanding (she lost her husband about 3 years ago, unexpectedly - I'm going to refer her to this site). I'm grateful for a warm and comfortable home to live in and I'm grateful for my dog and kitty..and my daughter's two dogs. They keep me busy. I also thought the other day that I can, from time to time, be grateful that he didn't linger on in pain and discomfort. The last three years of his life he was really slowing down and particularly the last year, his activities got less and less and he was just feeling worse and worse - and he always had a good attitude about it! He had some good days, but he had a lot of bad days. The last few months were really bad as far as his being bed-ridden, not being able to do anything or go anywhere and oftentimes not thinking clearly...but he was not in pain, although he was in discomfort....I know he wasn't happy living that way, although he never really verbalized it - now he's free and can do what he likes, when he likes, and be happy - I DO believe in heaven! I haven't had a memorial service for him - and I don't know when or where or if I'm going to - but I do have to order a headstone for his ashes to be buried at our local cemetery. I want to have inscribed - in addition to his name and dates, "I said a prayer, and God sent you!" Thanks for letting me ramble and thank you all for being there!!! Love, Benita

Hi everyone - I just joined this forum last night, and already feel less 'alone', My husband died a little over three weeks ago and as time goes by I'm feeling worse instead of better. I don't want to do anything, I don't want to talk to anyone, I don't want to go anywhere...and I don't know if that is total self-indulgance and will get worse by feeding it or if I should force myself to get up and out. We were together 24/7 and I never believed I could miss anyone so much...I'm feeling angry that he 'left me' and I just want him back. This pain sometimes feel unbearable. My friends want me to come visit them - its about a 4 hour drive and I have a very supportive group of friends there, whereas in this town I know one person - and she's out of town right now. My mom and sister want me to come and visit them - they're about two hours away - and my girlfriend wants me to go to Hawaii with her in November...and I just sit, sit, sit and mourn, mourn, mourn. This is the most painful and awful time of my life. If anyone has any ideas or can relate, please let me know. Thank you, Benita