widow'15

10 hours ago, shebert56 said:

I am learning to take it one day at a time.  Saying that, but truly feeling that, are two different things.

~Shirley

Shirley:  Sorry you are experiencing discomfort with spasms.  You made me smile with your walker's name, "Gladys" - that was my mother-in-law's name who lived to be 95.  😊

Through each day for the past 3+ years, I have had to tell myself to "Take One Day at a Time" not only because that is the sensible thing to do, but because at my age, it is the only way I can manage my day and myself.  My poor old brain can only do "One Day at a Time."  Gone are the days when I could keep more balls in the air. 

Take care.  Dee

22 minutes ago, shebert56 said:

Dee, I've got an appt first week in Nov with eye doc to check things out.  Dad had macular degeneration.  I take my eyes seriously which is why I'm having it checked out.  If it's just the cataract, I know I can put that off until I move back home and am among family.  My eye doc is like 1/4 a mile from my home, but the surgery center is way farther.  And I don't have a support system to call upon to ask to be driven that far.  I could ask a neighbor if push came to shove, but not necessary yet.

Gwen, I hear you.  Each bump I encounter seems like a hill.  I just make myself start climbing.

~Shirley

Shirley:  Here's hoping the best for you.  There are treatments for MD but do hope it's cataracts.  Dee

20 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Have the same thing myself as far as vision insurance.  Just got a letter from them saying in 2019 they won’t cover anything but cleanings and cavities.  So root canals, bridges, crowns, stuff that comes up as we age they are making out of pocket.  Doing the math for heat the premiums cost, I will probably go out of pocket and maybe save myself a few bucks.  That or find a new dental plan in open enrollment which of course will mean higher premiums.

Gwen:  I guess I was feeling pretty comfortable these past years as my dental insurance was in place and as far as I knew I was satisfied with it.  My husband had set it up prior to his illness.  Now of course, open enrollment is changing my comfortable place.  Need to decide what dental insurance I will go with and if I want to invest in vision.  Haven't taken the time to compare and at my age, who knows what's next.  LOL.  Oh well, "One Day at a Time, or should I say, "One Worry at at Time."  Dee

20 hours ago, KarenK said:

That is interesting to know, Dee. I have experienced the "halos" for at least 15 years or more. They bother me most around the traffic signals and oncoming headlights. Don't drive at night unless it's an absolute necessity. The ophthalmologist told me many, many years ago that I was developing cataracts, so I just assumed that was the cause of the "halos". I don't drive far from home so can get by in the daylight. Just don't ask me to read a street sign. I use dollar store glasses for reading. Have just put my vision on the "back burner" for many years. I lost my vision insurance at retirement thirteen years ago and there were so many other things that needed financial attention. The doctor's visit is covered by medical insurance, but not glasses themselves. Go figure.

Karen K:  Don't know if "halos" are due to my macula degeneration for sure.  Just seemed to be discovered shortly after I was having my eyes examined for new glasses and the optometrist referred me to the retina specialist.  There were no problems with "halos" and night driving until after my husband passed in 2015.  Of course, my age doesn't help, am now 77 years old.  Up until then, I was driving anywhere I wanted to go daytime or nighttime.  I can still drive in daytime to my appointments and grocery shopping, but with all the "crazies" out there in such a hurry I would rather be home.  Am always feeling like I am not going as fast as everyone else wants me to go. 

Yes, I know what you mean about medical insurance and paying for glasses.  Hopefully, your family is there to help you if you need to go somewhere in evening.

Dee

On 10/21/2018 at 6:57 AM, shebert56 said:

Last night I noticed that my eyesight is changing.  I've got cataracts (most of us do as we age), but I'm starting to see a slight halo in one eye when looking at the moon or a street light.  I don't drive at night unless it's absolutely critical to do so.  Not having anything done until I move back home to Louisiana next year, where I have family and friends.  Having this done here, alone, isn't comfortable for me.  But I'm due for a checkup, so will schedule that just to ensure there's nothing else going on.  I can live with the halo for a while.

Shirley:  Don't mean to upset you, but I had the same symptom of the "halo" around the moon shortly after my husband died in 2015 and since I had not had my eyes checked for awhile as we were dealing with his illness,  my annual appointments to my eye doctor were well past two years.  One evening as I was letting my dog out for her last bathroom break, I was talking to my husband looking at the beautiful full moon, and saw the "halo" and commented to myself, "Now why does the moon have a halo?"  Shortly after that I went to the optometrist to get new glasses and discovered I have macular degeneration in my left eye.  I have stopped  driving at night as well.  Google macular degeneration and you will find a Amsler grid that will help you determine if you should see a eye doctor soon.   Hopefully, new glasses will solve your problem.  Just a suggestion.  Dee

12 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

 Another volunteer I know was singled out too. I just need to talk to the woman I know and see how this came down.  Things could be worse, I could be the woman that has turned staff and volunteers tense and sucking the the warmth from the place.  

I’m not on my game and 2 weeks away from having lost Steve 4 years ago.  

Thanks for all the support!  ❤️

Gwen:  Hopefully when you have a chance to talk to the other volunteer you will have an understanding of this what happened.  None of us need additional "bumps in the road" dealing with life without our "Love". 

Take care and know you have support.

Dee 

8 hours ago, Marg M said:

No crying, just shock.  

No Marg M:  Never happened to me and don't think I would be in control of my tears as you were if it did happen.   I'm not out very often except for grocery shopping and doctor appointments and am usually concentrating on how quickly I can get back home.  Thanks for sharing this, made me smile.  Dee 

Gwen:  So very sorry you're having anxiety attacks.  How frightening for you being alone with no one to assure you instantly that you will be ok.  My daughter has anxiety attacks and thankfully her husband is there with her.   You know how you feel, so if you need to call the crises line, might it be a good idea?   Your nicotine withdrawal would be enough to put most of us into anxiety attacks.  

"The never ending errands that never seem to end".  This past week I had a long list of errands and a follow up doctor appointment for myself to get behind me before Tuesday.  My sweet fur baby, Maddie, has an appointment with a canine oncologist Tuesday.  Then yesterday, discovered a pool of rain water in my garage.  The never ending fir needles are clogging my downspouts.  Top of my list tomorrow will be to call a Roof Cleaning Service.

Hope the good sleep you had sleeping in the other bed, will give you the energy and strength to take care of yourself.  Thinking of you.  Dee  

5 hours ago, TomPB said:

Anyway I was apprehensive from day one about what this outcome would do to my emotional state. Good news is I haven't been slammed down as far as the worst case. It's "just" given me an extra deep sadness and longing for Susan and appreciation for how wonderful my life was in ways I took for granted, gone now.

TomPB:  Sorry you had to go through this.  You are fortunate to have friends that support you - You are blessed to have them around you.  Continue to be with them.  Take care.  Dee

Darrel:  There is no need to apologize.  Since my husband's passing, I have managed to say some things, and have made decisions that have confused and made people wonder, "Now, why would she do that" ?   During this time of having to re-do our life, we are allowed to be just who we are and how we feel at the time.  Was happy to get to read once again:  " One foot in front of the other....."   Take care.  Dee

Katie:  You and your boys are in my prayers as you search for peace, guidance and strength.  Dee

4 hours ago, CairnLady said:

Your “one foot in front of the other” always helps me whenever I feel that I just can’t do this anymore.

just wanted you to know you are helping others 

❤️❤️❤️

CairnLady

CairnLady and Darrel:  "One Foot in Front of the Other" is repeated daily in my lonely life without my Bob.  Darrel, you have helped me each time I read one of your entries.  Please know this.  With sincere thoughts for you.  Dee 

1 hour ago, Marg M said:

 Love my duct tape.

Marg and Karen:  I am becoming well acquainted with duct tape.  Had to make use of it when my downspout broke away from the metal "thingy" connected to the drain from roof a couple of weeks ago.  Thankfully, my son found the time to repair it correctly last weekend.  Since then, I discovered there is another possible connection problem on the other side of the house where I will attempt to duct tape - hopefully before the heavy rains become a daily activity.  Might look into purchasing some gorilla glue for some other annoying problems in the house.  My husband was probably smiling at me as I practiced my "fix it" plan.    Dee

14 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

I also did my volunteer gig Monday and last Saturday.  Those were hard as I am not %100 yet since the hospital.  But a little slice of something familiar.  I saw I hadn’t signed in or out since late July. 

Hey Marg, I ran into a very old post of yours when you had 3 gallons of ice cream.  Must have been from about 2 years ago.  Gave me a chuckle as you said you were old now and could do anything you wanted.  So true.  One of the things I adored about leaving home was I could 'play' with my food.  Drove my mother nuts I would by Sara Lee crumb cakes and just eat the top. Buy a dozen chocolate chip cookies and just eat the chips leaving a pile of dough.  Thanks for the memory! 

Gwen:  So happy to see you were feeling well enough and strong enough to do your volunteer gig.  You were brave. 

Also, so appreciated your statement about playing with your food.  You made me laugh out loud.  You sound like my kids.  I was one of those Mom's that would not hardly ever buy my kids sugared cereal.  And they both told me once they moved out that is all they ever would buy.  Oh well.  Bad Mommy!  Dee

7 hours ago, kayc said:

Some of us live some boring lives!

KayC:  You are not alone living a boring life.   I keep telling myself, living a Boring Life is sometimes better than being in the middle of turmoil.  I once had a dear Aunt Cora who lived way up in North Mississippi all alone most of the time who used to say,  "There were a lot more things worse than being lonely."   Dee

38 minutes ago, Marg M said:

  I have to go up there for the closing on our house the first week in October and I feel someone should offer me a "last meal" before I make that visit again to death.  "Please Mr. Custer, I don't want to go."

Marg:  October is coming fast.  You sound so strong in your road trips going here and there following the clouds.  Envy your ability to get in your car and drive your country roads.  I am able to drive to doctor appointments, grocery shopping and the such, but don't go near the interstate highways.  My vision limits my confidence to drive outside of Tacoma.

You were fortunate to have known and loved your Billy for such a long time -  Dee

8 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

I’ve never heard that saying, but many like it.  Sounds like my Steve.  51 years is amazing, Dee!  We made it to 37, married for 31 of them.  Sounds like we both got charmers.  💖.  He had the gift of making everyone crossing his path feel special.    

Gwen:  Your Steve's picture shows a gentleness in his face that I'm sure you had no problem falling in love with him.  My Bob's beautiful blue eyes and his sense of humor made it easy fall in love with him.  The 51 years went much too fast unfortunately.  Am sure you feel the same about your 37 years of being with Steve - not enough time ever.

Hope your weekend is bearable and you are rested.  We are getting into the Pacific NW cooler days.  Pretty colors but dreading the leaves that are beginning to fall.   Dee  

2 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Dee, what is your husbands name?   

My husband's name was Bob.  I don't think I ever mentioned his name.  I am naturally an "introvert" and usually keep my thoughts and information to myself not because I mean to be that way, it is just the silly way about me.  Bob was not that way at all.  We were so different, but we seemed to manage to stay together for 51 happy years.   My Southern way of describing him,  "He could talk a dog off a meat wagon".  Maybe Marg has heard that saying?  

Hoping you are feeling better tonight.  Dee

24 minutes ago, Gwenivere said:

Marita, this place is about the only place I can talk about Steve that doesn’t rip my heart out because this family understands and is so consoling.  

Love all you guys!  💕

Gwen:  You're so correct when you say sharing here is so "consoling".  Please know:  Love hearing about your Steve.  Dee

7 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Last night my oxygen machine failed.  The emergency number was useless.  Had to wait til today to have it replaced.  It was a fearful night dependent on portable tanks. 

How frightening for you.  Pray today you are resting and feeling stronger.  Even tho I have a son and daughter, can't reach either one quickly at any time.  Recently tried to call my son for some help and his cell phone would not take anymore messages.  Had to text.  Was not a dire emergency like yours, but reminds being so alone is not easy.  Take care and rest. Dee

Marita:  So sorry to hear about your sadness.  Animals are such treasures.  I hope you will find comfort in knowing how much your being with Scout must have meant to him.   When my daughter was growing up she always wanted a horse, but living in the city it was not possible.  During her teenage years she did have friends who had a horse who would invite her to ride.  You sound so much like her with your love of horses.  This past month, some friends of my daughter and son-in-law are boarding a pair of horses on their acreage in Oregon.  She is in heaven caring for the horses and despite her back problems was able to take a brief ride on the gentle horse.   My heart goes out to you.  Dee

17 hours ago, Marg M said:

 Was surprised to learn they change things up in later emails.  My belief in DNA has changed if they do not get it right the first time.  I cannot deny my Irish/Viking history but what is wrong is they change it after you get it.  I don't understand it.  DNA is enough to get a rapist put in prison, but not good enough for the percentages of your heritage to change drastically in a month or so.

Kieron:  💗💝💗

Marg: Now that is interesting.  Makes me more eager as I await my results.  Dee

3 hours ago, Widowedbysuicide said:

Hugs to you Katie.  I know you are courageous and strong. ❤️

Marita:  I so love this little encouragement message.  Will try to copy and hang next to my mirror.  Dee❤️

9 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Today is an especially lonely day.  So many reasons to list and would be redundant at best.  I wish I could write a book so I could name it 'Staying Alive When You Don’t Want To '.   I’m so tired of living on the dark side, to steal from Star Wars.  

Gwen:  Thinking about you today and sorry for your difficulties.

Today was the pitts for me too.  The off and on downpours knocked one of my downspouts loose and I had rain gushing all over the back wall of my house.  My son was too busy to come help so I attempted to connect it the best I could but another downpour knocked it loose again.  Tomorrow I'll be on the phone talking to downspout people.   Oh the joys of living in a house.   Would love to be in a one room apartment somedays where I didn't have to worry about what I don't know about the house.   Dee 😡

On 9/15/2018 at 7:40 AM, Marg M said:

On the lighter side, did my DNA and knew I could not reach for Native American, like I wanted.    

Marg:  Coincidentally I am waiting to receive results of my DNA.   One of my uncles told me many years ago my great grandmother had Native American heritage.  My roots are from Mississippi and Arkansas.  My sister in law had hers done this past year and was not totally happy with the results.  She knew of her Scandinavian heritage, and French Canadian heritage but was surprised of other bits and pieces.  We got a big laugh out of it.  Dee