Guilt_beyond_imagination

kayc, my neighbor had a much bigger dog than mine. I think the bigger dogs don't get much tartar. My dog Porter, is part Chihuahua and they are prone to teeth problems and tartar. I know the day is coming when I still have to get Porter's teeth cleaned -- this time by my regular vet. Nervous now after what happened, just because of the usual risks. I wasn't this nervous before.

It's almost the end of June. Time goes by fast. It always seems just like yesterday I lost my little sweetheart. This week I've been having many missing Parker moments with buckets of tears.

Hi Maylissa, Thank you for the links. I have had our dogs' teeth cleaned. Porter and Leroy had them done 2x and Parker was 1x. He had extractions his cleaning at our first vet. We let them chew on Nylabones because we thought they were good for their teeth. He wound up fracturing 2 teeth from those chew toys. I threw them out. He was in a lot of pain and I didn't know for a long time. He was chewing things. It must have hurt and he thought by chewing it would ease the pain. I finally figured it out. I saw the tooth. It turned out the one one the other side was also fractured. He did so well with our vet's anesthesia. So did our other dogs. We always knew we should get the cleanings while they were young, at least. You put your trust in a professional. My first vet uses mild meds, modern ones. He said he will not use old school meds that are more risk. He can titrate his. Old stuff you can't. I brushed their teeth. I have enzymatic toothpaste plus Oratene. Sometimes I would spritz them with Chlorhexidine rinse. That's why I wasn't in a hurry with the dental. I asked my husband to help me brush and do it more often. I just had a bad feeling about that place. I knew these 2 guys still need it. I'm somewhat worried now since this fiasco. At least my first vet (current) takes picture of their teeth each visit and updates us with their status. It's not pushy, but he keeps us informed. That other guy just wanted our money. Worst mistake going to that guy. I know for sure, and I would be my life on it, that my dog would still be here had we not gone to that butcher. I always fed them dry kibble. I'm not a fan of raw food or home cooked. I want them to have needed nutrients and vitamins. I heard wet food can stick to the teeth. I was choosy about everything. I did a lot of research when I got them. I chose Sentinel Flavor Tabs over Trifexis which is more expensive, but they both protect against the same. Dogs never had a side effect. I tried Bravecto once and they vomited. I use K9 Advantix. I researched their food. I picked the best. I used Merrick, made in USA. (Not a fan of Blue Buffalo for some reason. I think it's hyped up.) They got RO water, not tap water. I washed their bedding weekly, washed their coats and sweaters. I made them clothes and hats for the winter. They were my baby bears and I was the mother bear. I planned on having these dogs around and healthy for decades.We paid for pet insurance. I wanted the best for these guys. Parker was and Leroy is healthy. Porter has pancreatitis, but it may be from trauma after he was mauled by a huge dog. He's on dry Rx low-fat food. He gets 5mg Pepcid 2x a day. Neutralizes his stomach. Keeping fingers crossed. Nothing will erase how bad I feel that my little one is not here. and that HIS life was taken from HIM. I guess over time the pain will lessen, but I will always miss him and know that he should be here. I will try my best to get justice and save future pets. Maybe down the line I will be able to get the state to set new laws and reinforce the ones they have with stricter penalties. I want to be Parker's voice. ~ Parker's Mom

Hi Maylissa, The first night when this happened, my husband apologized to me when we were alone. He said he was sorry and didn't know something like this would happen. He said he was only trying to keep our dogs healthy getting their teeth cleaned. He said he wished he never met that vet. Said after reading the dental cleaning posters all over that vet's exam room, he thought it was a health risk not getting their teeth cleaned. That was it. After that he has not said anything about it voluntarily. I've asked him if he misses him and a couple of times he said of course he misses "the dog" which I found strange he would not call him by name or say "our" dog. I've addressed this in counseling and he's said that he doesn't say anything because I will cry. Not sure how true that is at this time. For quite a few months I was crying if my dog's name was mentioned. I think I've been trying to manage my grief without bearing it all on others. I tend to grieve alone now. If my husband was feeling guilty, he can't think I am making him feel guilty now because I only mention Parker when I say I need to finish the letter or something else, but not accusatory. For the first couple of months I say subtle things to my husband about it being his fault. I haven't done that for at least a month now. I keep my thoughts to myself. He was being insistent about going to that vet because he thought since we were bringing our one dog there, then we should just keep going there. I was against it as you have read. His idea of the dental, as he says, was brainwashing from the posters. I knew there would be a time we would have to do it, but I wasn't ready at that time to do it and that bad feeling about them was in my subconscious. I couldn't place why I felt like that. It was from the prior visit. My memory is not as keen as it used to be, so I didn't remember there was something specific holding me back. My husband thought I was against it because of the cost so he said he would pay for it out of his own money, not the house budget money. Oh, how I wish he was concerned about the cost. Oh, how I wish I never returned to that vet. Oh, how I wish I had just cancelled. I had no binding contract. I don't know what stopped me. Was I too busy for the holiday? Was I too preoccupied? I knew he was a scared dog, did I not take it more seriously? I don't know where we both went wrong. I just know we did and my dog is gone. We failed him. I don't know if my husband lives with guilt. I don't know if he thinks about it. He doesn't say much to me. He's not that kind of person to talk about things like that. I wish he was. I want to know how he feels. I don't want to feel alone. He internalizes and is not the warm and fuzzy type so I he will not volunteer his feelings or thoughts. The rule now is that if he has any ideas when it comes to our dogs, it will be a suggestion and I have the final say. My dogs do need dental cleaning and we are again with our first vet. I trust him, but I am nervous now. I don't know what to do. There's no guarantee if your dog's teeth are cleaned that they will live a long time. My neighbor fed her dog supermarket dog food, never got her dog's teeth cleaned, and it lived to 18. My little Chihuahua-Beagle needs it done more than my neighbor's big dog. The Chihuahuas have a tendency to have teeth problems. I don't want him lose any teeth either. I don't know what to do. This whole thing has put me in another place. I am changed. Everything is different. I am not as close to my husband. My routine and life has changed. That other vet has ruined my spirit. It's one thing if my dog was having needed surgery and he didn't make it. It's another thing when he passed under suspicious circumstances and I didn't get an explanation. I found out he withheld information, he didn't follow laws. You know the rest. That has plagued me. I was suggested this guy. I live with that. I never put a halt to the dental idea. I live with that. It has been so unfair to my sweet little Parker, and Leroy, his Beagle brother. Parker is the one who has missed out on everything. He wasn't a mopey dog. He had a zest for life, loved his brothers. Leroy is missing his best friend. I live with this everyday. I am with them 24/7, constantly reminded. I just feel awful all the way around. I've tried so hard to do all the right things for my dogs. I've been on perfect schedule with their annual shots, heart worm test, heart worm med, flea/tick meds, everything. I've tried so hard to do it all right. I worried about everything with my dogs. I worried about that procedure. How could this happen? I don't understand. I just don't understand. For me, the loss has been unbearable. I'm not sure when I will recover, despite trying to feel better and feeling positive at the counselor. My dark moments come to visit. I'll look at Teresa's site. Can you send me the link again? Someone I met in my neighborhood who coincidentally sees the same "first - original" vet that I do. Dr. Chris. She travels to see him, too. He's my dogs' first vet. The real one. That woman I met from my neighborhood said she tried an animal communicator from CA who she likes, so far. Thanks for the positive reinforcement. It is a long road for me. I always feel I did something wrong and I am being punished. Can't figure it out. Today my husband is pulling weeds in my garden for the second time in 2 weeks. I didn't ask him to do it. It's very hot outside. When he does things like this, I feel bad being upset with him. He'll do anything for me. He's just not warm and fuzzy. Thanks, Tina

My husband dropped our dog off on his way to his own dental appt. That was on a Monday. This coming Monday will be 6 months to the day that my sweet Parker passed from a "routine" dental and my husband has a dental appt again. I'm already feeling the reminders. I don't know how I will get through that day. I have to avoid looking at the day and date and ignore his dental appt. I might have to go out for the day as an escape. Hopefully it will be nice out. I hope I'm not a wreck. Why does the 6/24 have to be on a Monday, too, like 12/24? Why does he have to have a dentist appt, too? Too many reminders.

To My Sweet Little One, Another day of missing you, my sweet little Parker. Not one day has gone by since you are not here that I have not thought about you. The days seem so long and yet it has been almost 6 months. I am still having a difficult time accepting you are not coming back. Some days are very hard for me. I fall backwards. I think over and over what I could have done better. I know it was to keep you home. I am feeling very bad and I am not forgiving myself. I thought I did everything right, but I didn’t. Can you please forgive me? I don’t know anymore how I feel. I am so sad that you are not here. I miss you so much. It never seems real. I didn’t spend much time with your brothers today. I need to because I know now how short your lives are and, in a moment, I can lose them, too. I don’t want to ever take them for granted. I took you for granted. I never imagined I would lose you, so young. Everything has changed for me. I’m sorry my little man. I miss you so very much. I Love You forever. Love, Mom

I think about my baby every day. Sometimes I feel like I am in a state of suspended animation.

Dear Parker, My Little Peanut, Today I am writing to your brothers, Porter and Leroy. I am sure they are missing you as much as I am. Leroy, I’ve noticed sadness in your eyes since your brother is no longer here. The expressions on your face tell me you don’t know where he is, you are confused, and maybe think he is going to be here at any moment. I know you don’t have the same sense of time as I do, so to you, time hasn’t passed that much. I can understand why you might think Parker will be by your side at any time. If he was here, he would be cuddling with you most of the day. Whenever your brother Porter would bark out the window, Parker would come running and give out a howling bark or two. He didn’t even know why he was barking. He just wanted to join in with Porter. Leroy, sometimes you would join them, and you also didn’t know why you were barking. Leroy, the other day you had some eye tear staining, very unusual for you. I thought Parker was coming through you. He was the only one who had that. Your brother Porter showed some tear staining, too. He doesn’t usually have that either. I would use my extra bottle of saline drops for Parker. This time I used it for you, but Leroy, you gave me a hard time. I know that was not Parker coming through you. He wouldn’t give me a hard time. He liked me giving him the drops. He was always so good about it. I think he knew how much better his eyes felt after getting the drops. Leroy, I know now that if you need the drops, the best time to give them to you is when you are drowsy. Leroy, the drops helped you. The next day your eyes cleared up. It must be hard for you Leroy, to think that when you go to sleep, that Parker will be right by your side, cuddling with you as he always did. Parker would sleep between you and Porter. At bedtime, I would tuck in my Three Dog Night. Parker loved being next to the both of you. He was a true friend and a loving brother. Porter, you and Parker used to play and wrestle when you were very young. As time went on, you became more interested in looking out the window. That’s when I began to call you Gladys Kravitz. Leroy and Parker began to play more together as they grew closer. Porter, you are still very concerned about who passes by the house and you keep watch at the window. You don’t like it when people walk by, especially when they have a dog. You will keep barking until they are no longer in sight. I remember when Parker would hear you barking and run down the stairs as fast as he could to see what was going on. He would be right next to you when you ran back and forth to each window. Porter, you are a character in the morning. It used to be you and Parker who would jump up on the bed and wake us up. I miss those days. You still jump up on the bed and wake us up, but you are alone now. Leroy runs around the room with his squeaky. He’s never been agile enough to jump up on the bed. Porter, the mornings are always funny when you roll around on your back, under a blanket, while you kick the blanket with your feet. Parker and Leroy would try to copy you, but they just didn’t have the knack. You invented that rolling trick. Porter, sometimes you would growl at me at night when I tucked you in. The Chihuahua you are, I always expected it. There have been many nights since Parker is gone that you Porter, have not growled when I tucked you in. I’ve thought maybe it was Parker coming through you. He would never growl. I could wake up Parker in the middle of the night and he would be fine with it. Porter, I wish you would play more with Leroy. I know you weren’t that close to him, but Leroy enjoys your company. I think sometimes he would like you to be more friendly. Porter, you weren’t used to playing with Leroy, but maybe sometimes you can try to warm up to him. You will find Leroy is very easygoing and just wants to have a friend. He misses Parker. Porter, maybe you can give him some company. My Three Amigos, I wish it could be the way it was. It was always so much fun with the three of you, my Three Stooges. The mornings and time for walks were hilarious. Feeding time was crazy. It was mostly Parker who made it fun. He was the leader, the life of the party, the energy, and the shining light here. Parker, we all miss you. Leroy and Porter, your brother Parker is watching over you both. He will take care of you. He wants you both to be happy and healthy. He will see you again at another time and another place. Parker, I Love You. Please watch over us. We’ve gone through so much when we lost you. It’s been hard on your Mom. I struggle daily with intermittent tears and sadness. I try not to cry, but it’s hard without you beside me. I can’t believe you are not here. I have trouble accepting that. My Little Peanut, we are all missing you and we all love you forever. Love, Mom

Hi Maylissa, Someone else I met on a pet loss forum mentioned EMDR. She said she gets that. I asked my counselor, but since my husband has been coming with me, I think he's going to address it or go over it with me when I am solo. I read your list of vet errors. The difference between my first vet and that other vet is that my first vet is contemporary, up on all the new stuff, treats every kind of animal from mice to horses. Knows so much. That other vet, as I learned a very hard way, is living in the dark ages. He doesn't even use a laptop for his notes!! They don't have email at that office. Interesting you spoke of "old school" practice. My regular vet looked at the bare notes from that vet, and said that vet uses "old school meds" which suppress the respiratory system too much and they can't be titrated. My regular vet said the whole idea is to mitigate risk. He prefers to have the newer and better meds and pays more for them and he can titrate them. I never knew there was a difference in any of these meds. I can't believe I am that naive at my age. I knew my regular vet didn't use strong meds, just because I've never seen my dogs have any problems and there were never any "close calls." If I knew these differences before this nightmare, I certainly, definitely would not have gone to that other vet. So many red flags is right. About asking questions. That evil vet had the responsibility and obligation by law (I found out too late) to discuss everything with us and make room for questions -- and give us enough time to make an informed decision. The pre-op visit was the day this should have happened. After our visit, he ran, literally ran out of the exam room through the back door. That guy never intended to do the right thing. He should have given me the opportunity to know and tell me who would be working with my dog. It's like that place is something out of a horror movie. The back room is secret, where all the evilness occurs. The fact that on 11/27, they set up our pre-op for the next day, and they did not tell us when we were there that, "By the way, the next available cleaning appt isn't until 12/24, 26 days later. Maybe you might want to come in for the pre-op closer to that date, or wait until after the holiday." No, this was an opportunity for them to make money on us for the pre-op, for 2 dogs, and then surprise us the very next day and tell us we had to wait almost 4 weeks. What a bunch of crap that is. Right there is evilness. I could have, and should have, told them the next day that I wasn't going to wait almost 4 weeks and I want my money back for the 2 pre-ops. They should have been warned by me that, that kind of crap should not happen and if they didn't give me my money back, I would sue them in small claims court based on their incompetency and deceit. Again, I think they really did have sooner appts, but saw they had a "live one" and figured they'd fill in a slow day (really, who would come in for a regular appt on Xmas Eve?), and they would have their big-ticket item for the day. I do think now, they were all about money and a scam. They lied to me 5 months earlier, and I didn't heed warning, despite me saying to my husband I would never return there due to their lies. No, I went back there. It's not like my Little Peanut was there many times before. It was only once!! We could have gone to our regular vet. A decent human being who I would trust with MY life. He saved Parker's brother when he was mauled by the neighbor's dog. When I say "saved" I mean he was closed that day, and just happened to be there, and gave up his other appointments to save my dog! He neutered those little guys. They meant something to him. We meant something to him. We weren't just a number. My dentist recently told me his friend's dog needed surgery on its leg (maybe the hip?). They operated on the wrong leg. The dog went through the risk of anesthesia, had to go through (the wrong) surgery, and the vet had the nerve to tell him if he wants the correct leg done, he would have to pay again!! What audacity! I hope he took him to court. Then my dentist told me his parents brought their 4 dogs to a kennel. They got a call that one dog died. They didn't have any answers. They acted like they didn't know what happened. They got the 3 dogs home and within a week, another dog died. That evil vet that I went to has a kennel. There were times my husband wanted to travel and I said I would not leave my dogs in any kennel. I knew how they would cry when we were gone for an hour. They would cry and howl. Sometimes we were only outside. This is before I found out that vet is a demon and I still didn't want to kennel my dogs because they said they split them up and I felt they would be so sad and afraid, they might die. I've never been away from them for more than a few hours when I go somewhere. I am with these dogs 24/7. I've never spent a night away from them. My husband has, but not me. Here it is, we left our little one there for that ridiculous voluntary, elective, procedure, and he never came home. It may be hard for someone else to understand why I still have bitterness toward my husband. He was so insistent about everything with that vet and the dental. I am constantly reminded my dog passed needlessly. I can't help but hold a grudge. I don't know when or if I will let go of that. Bad enough I am livid with myself. I've had several meltdowns yesterday and today. It's still with me. I'm a total fool and I failed my dog. I set him up for disaster. How could I forget that only a few months earlier I was disgusted with their deceit, and I vowed to my husband I would not return.? I don't know what transpired, why I returned to that horrible place. I feel so guilty that I want to move away to an isolated island and stay there by myself for the rest of my life. I'm not sure I understand about animal communicators. Since our pets don't speak, how can you communicate without the pet sitting next to you and reading your facial expressions and feeling your body language? I write letters to him and I know of course, he doesn't read. It's really a stress release for me. Even if I read those letters to my dogs who are here now, they wouldn't understand a word. They of course, don't understand full sentences. I always feel it is so unfair to him what happened. I mentioned in another post that I am concerned he felt abandoned by us and was petrified with those strangers. I feel so bad about how he must have felt. Alone, scared, lost. He didn't deserve that. I've got my complaint done. I worked on it today, then got sidetracked. Tomorrow I will complete it. It may be a slightly different one than they usually get. I have an introductory letter and I am enclosing Parker's tribute with his pictures within the document. I'm hoping someone there has a soft spot and wants to take the case. I read there are no guarantees they will take the case. Thanks Maylissa. Have a good day. ~ Parker's Mom

Thank you Gingerlove. I am broken. Unreal to me something so routine can go wrong and I am not offered an explanation. Unimaginable to me. ~ Parker's Mom

Hi Maylissa, You asked why this was done on Xmas Eve. We had no choices. I think we were duped. We had the pre-op on 11/28 and they backed us against the wall and told us that was the soonest appt! 26 days later! Way too long from pre-op. Now I think it was a lie and they just wanted to fill in a slow day with a big ticket item like the cleaning. I am banking on the state looking at their appointment calendar and see that there were sooner available appointments and that they lied to us. It takes so much out of me to get this complaint done. I have to finish and send it. The complaint is written. It has to be proofed and be sent once and for all! I will regret it if I don't do anything. The article was just an example of how a dog can actually die from anxiety. They never checked on that dog and then they tried to blame something else, but the second necropsy showed it was due to their negligence. Unfortunately I did not get a necropsy. He broke quite a few laws that maybe those will be enough for him to be disciplined. I think the civil case against him I found will help. He was charged with malpractice. Caused the death of someone's cat. We went to this guy because our other dog had digestive issues. Our regular vet suggested another place, but we knew about that place. It wasn't good. I suggested this guy, but it was only supposed to be for the 2nd opinion. He did nothing for our dog anyway, looking back. He kept him on the same meds as vet 1. I changed my dog's food to grain-free and got him one of those slow-bowls. I weaned him of the meds (prednisone and metoclopramide). He got better right away. My intention was to continue with our regular vet. My husband had a notion of taking all of them to this guy. I was against it. Somehow I didn't stick to my guns and that was the beginning of the end. Then my husband had this dental cleaning craze. He was worried they would get sick if they didn't get it done. I was against that, too. I was opposed to to with this other vet. I may have done it with our regular vet at a later date. They had been under anesthesia 2-3x each with our regular vet. I trusted him. Too many red flags at this other vet, that I had a bad feeling about, but I didn't put my foot down! I live in regret every single day. Yes, I am seeing a counselor for my grief, and to help the bump in our marriage because of this. My husband was not sensitive to or supportive of my feelings. After 3 weeks, he said I should be over it. He said the same thing to me a couple of weeks later. I couldn't believe it. That drew me further away from him. His mother was here for the holiday. She was here that day it happened. She never once called me or sent a card. She knew I was upset and distraught. I thought it was insensitive of her. She did call to thank me for her mother's day flowers. I missed the call, but that's what her voice message said. She said sh'e hoped I was doing well. Nothing about my grieving. Haven't heard from her since. My husband doesn't have the capacity to feel empathy or to be understanding. Unless, he's hiding it because he feels guilty since it was his idea and he drove him there. He has not said that to me, so I don't know. I have no family or friends around here. I have had support from my elderly neighbor. She's the only one who has shown any care. Otherwise, I've grieved alone. My support system is pet loss sites. My salvation. This vet should have had me on the phone ASAP. This guy called in the afternoon AFTER he passed. He had the nerve not to call me right away when the problem began. Only they know what really happened. I honestly think my dog was manhandled, or mishandled, or neglected, or abused. I think they know exactly what happened and I won't get the truth. I think he lied about everything. I may not be able to prove that, but I'm hoping he will be charged with breaking laws, including improper record keeping. No, I did not see my dog's body. I didn't pick up my dog until a week later. He was in a plastic bag. I never looked at it. I was too upset to go alone. I waited for my husband to have a day off. He went in and got him. I have wondered if I got MY dog. I can't think about it, because I will never know and that would be another thing for me to get sick about. I'm already distressed about not keeping him home. I bought the best brand foods for my dogs. I did a lot of research for everything I did for them, food, meds, everything -- except researching that vet! I would have seen the bad Yelp reviews if I did my research about him! I would have seen the malpractice suit at the county courthouse if I did my research on him! That vet tried blaming the food I fed him, saying that I was giving them grain-free. Last summer the FDA was looking into grain-free food, that it may be causing some kind of heart problems. It was in bigger breeds. There was nothing written about it after that. My dog Leroy was having bad digestive issues. When I switched him to grain-free, he got better and has stayed well. My other 2 dogs were allergic to grains. They did so much better when I gave them grain-free, too. Vet tried grasping for anything he could blame, except himself. If he did all the right things, I wouldn't question his integrity. He lied about so much and withheld important lab results from me, and he broke laws. I have no choice but to doubt anything he said or did. He never suggested a necropsy. If he was so certain he was without fault, he would have suggested it. He didn't do a lot of things. As I mentioned, he never reviewed and discussed the procedure and risks. Broke the law right there. There may be more records. There may also be an electronic monitor that records vitals. If they have, it will show the truth. If they don't, and do it manually, I don't have a copy. If there isn't one, they will have a hard time explaining why there isn't. Against the law. I met someone on a pet loss site from CA whose 2 cats were killed because of negligent dental cleaning. One died within the week after the dental cleaning and the other went into multi-organ failure. The other cat didn’t wake up for 24 hours and when she did she was not the same. The vet destroyed all the records, so they found her guilty of bad record keeping. She was sued in court and then had a heart attack. I've read about vets getting away with "murder", but I have also read that vets have high suicide rates, above the national average. I may sound cruel, but I can only hope. I would want to know about it. Justice would be served. Pets will be saved. I'm heartbroken. I don't feel bad for myself that he's not here. I feel bad for him. He deserved to be here. He asked for nothing and gave a tremendous amount of love to his brothers and us. ~ Parker's Mom

Hello My Little One,I am again, missing you. I'm trying not to send you sad vibes. I don't want you to be sad wherever you are. Your brothers have been quieter since we are missing you. You were the pack leader. You were energetic, crazy, and loved to tease your brother, Leroy. He misses you. I see it in his face. Parker, you brought out the spunk in him. Now Leroy seems to be going back in his shell. I feel bad for him. I hope you can send him a sign and let him know you are watching over him. I remember when you would groom him. It made Leroy felt so loved by you. When he was sick, Parker, you were right there to kiss and groom him. You knew Leroy was sick and you did all you could to make him feel comfortable. When your brother Porter was recovering from being mauled, you did the same to make him feel loved and comfortable. You groomed him and showered him with love. It was your love that made your brothers get well. We all miss that. It's hard for me some days to believe you are not here. My baby, that's when I break down and cry a river. I don't want you to see me like that.I wish you could be here. I miss you, little guy. I used to call you Little Peanut. Your feet were about the size of my thumb. You were small, but all muscle, and in very good health. I also called you My Little Hero after you chased away that huge Rottweiler. I will never forget that day. I felt so proud to be your Mom. Parker, My Little Peanut, Mom is so very sorry. Please forgive me. I never meant you any harm. I saddens me that you are not here with us. The light in our home is dim without you. I would do anything to have you here again. Please watch over your brothers. Porter needs your love to keep his pancreatitis in remission. Please look for us when your brothers and I come to Rainbow Bridge to see you again. Wherever you are now, have fun with your friends in the meantime. You will always be My Little Hero. I Love You, Mom

Oh, Kay, I'm sorry. I didn't know about your husband. Is he George you wrote about today? Happy Birthday, George, from me. 🎂

Thank you kayc. He had such a crazy personality The life in this house. He was a cute little guy. I hate saying "was", it hurts so much. I kept busy today, but I am concerned I could be forgetting him. Your good vet with Arlie sounds like Dr. Chris, Our regular vet. He is a likable person by animal and human. He has a nice and gentle way with everyone. He has had his share of losses. His horse, his best friend, passed away suddenly a few years ago and he stayed upbeat in the office. I know he was hurting. We kind of know him personally because he worked with the rescue where I volunteered. He is always happy to see us and our dogs. I hear him through the office walls and I can hear him greeting every pet like he knows them for years. Parker was afraid many years ago because of his nature. Over time he became comfortable with Dr. Chris. Last spring he went to his clinic for a heart worm test. Parker was so calm, Doc and I were surprised. And then July came, and why did we take him to that other (evil) vet at all? I live with this every day. I'll tell you the 2 times we had him at that evil vet, I could see that vet's demeanor. He had no bedside manner. He ran out of the office when the visit was over. I noticed that and made a mental note. It didn't seem that important then, but now I know it made a big difference and had thought about it, and how my dogs would react to his coldness, I think that would have been the last time there, especially with the crap they pulled that day. That day the front office puppets lied twice to me about his annual shot and when I got home I swore never to return there. Five months later I was there again. I must be out of my mind! I think so much time lapsed that I forgot about the last time and that I didn't want to return. That may have been in my subconscious and why I had a bad feeling doing that dental cleaning. Something was not right and I could not place it. (My memory is not like it used to be.) After this horror, I saw again how the front desk lied again, and how he lied. And it was too late. They took his life and they acted like it was nothing. Afterwards, the front desk said there are always risks. That's funny. They told my husband he would be fine the day he dropped him off and that was the day they shoved the procedure/risks release in his face and didn't let him read it, just told him to sign it without giving a copy either, nor with my final records. A question for those puppets. How about if your boss reviewed the procedure and risks with us like he's supposed to do according to PA law? We had 2 dogs scheduled and he should have discussed it with us the day we were there for pre-op instead of taking our money and then when he was done, run out the back door of the office. Literally, ran out the door. After this nightmare, it came back to me how he ran so fast out of that office when he was done with that pre-op visit. He was legally bound to take the time to review this with us and he did nothing. Does it mean we wouldn't have let our dog have it done? I don't know. I was against it and if he had this discussion with us I would have been nudging my husband to convince him it wasn't a good idea. My husband tells me now if he was told about the risks he would not have done it. I think that may be true. Makes me think if that vet doesn't review the risks with pet parents then they don't have something to think about and then decide to cancel. There has to be a reason. He did not forget. We had our other dog there for his teeth a year before that and never got a copy of the procedure/risks and he did not review it then, either. So, I think he does this on a regular basis. They really should have vet mystery shoppers to see if they are following code. Maybe the state does that with their investigation, I don't know. It is a good idea. They do it with restaurants and stores. I will still never understand how I let this happen. I am riddled with guilt and regret. I've read about people who have been dead for minutes to hours and doctors have revived them. This guy couldn't save my dog? He didn't do everything possible to keep my dog breathing and alive. If he did, it would be documented in the notes. Nothing is there. He killed my dog. Thanks for listening. ~ Parker's Mom

Hi kayc, I read somewhere, I think on the AAHA site that if dog is anxious and fearful and the vet and staff do not try to calm it each time, then the dog stays anxious and becomes conditioned that it's normal to that way, and becomes more and more anxious each time, if the staff doesn't use calming techniques. The article interestingly mentioned that by the third visit the dog would be extremely anxious and scared. That horrible day was my dog's third visit. In the beginning, I had nightmares of him petrified and in fear, wondering where we were, thinking he was abandoned with strangers, being mishandled because he was fighting back, and him passing away in fear, maybe having a heart attack from all the stress. The vet is supposed to protect our pets from any suffering. Not let them suffer in fear, which is a law this vet broke. I knew my dog was fearful, but I trusted that a responsible vet would be reluctant to perform anything voluntary before contacting the owner. It makes me wonder how many other pets that vet has allowed to die and made up some story and no one questioned it. They can be extremely frightened which could be life-threatening. I believe he broke these 2 laws: (1) Animal abuse—to do, order or aid another to do any act likely to cause unnecessary pain, injury, debility, disease or lameness or unnecessary fright, stress, panic or hysteria in an animal. (2) Responsibility to clients and patients. Veterinarians shall consider first the welfare of the animal for the purpose of relieving suffering and disability while causing a minimum of pain or fright. By the way, he did not provide me with a record of recorded vitals -- if they were ever done. That is another broken law. I was told they are done and recorded every 5 minutes, either written or electronically. I read this from an article the other day: "Well, it seems, in recent years, vet-stress concerns have been, “All about that cat.” However, in a recent study released by the American Veterinary Medical Association (reported by NewSTAT), dogs too undergo considerable stress and anxiety when they go for veterinary visits. The study looked at 36 seemingly normal, healthy client-owned dogs and measured a number of parameters when the dogs were at home and again at the veterinary facility. This study evaluated changes in vital signs when dogs traveled between the home environment and the veterinary environment. Differences were recorded between dogs in the two environments. These dogs had their respiratory rate, pulse rate, rectal temperature and systolic arterial blood pressure measured in their home environment. They were then taken to the veterinary hospital and the measurements were repeated. The changes between the two environments were significant. Dog anxiety at the veterinarian’s officeAccording to aaha.org, significant differences in blood pressure, rectal temperature and pulse rate were observed between measurements obtained in the two environments. “Mean blood pressure increased by 16%..., rectal temperature increased (by < 1%)…, and pulse rate increased by 11% …. The number of dogs panting in the hospital environment (63%) was significantly higher than the number of dogs panting at home (17%).” Panting is frequently considered an indication of stress."

Hi Maylissa, Thank you. I need be more active with this letter. It seems like I just can't get out sent out. I have to make myself a promise for my Parker. I really think they did something bad over there. He tried blaming the food I fed him! He tried using the excuse he didn't make it from anesthesia recovery, which I don't believe. Without vitals how can he prove to the state that the procedure even got underway or how far? Without vitals and/or an anesthesia record, then it never happened. He'll have to explain that!! He should have had me on the phone asap when any problem began. That's what a good vet does. He never sent me an explanation letter or an apology. I didn't get any other info from him except to say he gave him the right amount of meds per kg per pound. What does that mean to me? Was it guilt? He didn't tell me the steps of the procedure. He just said, "It happens." It happens? Could be my dog food? That's it? If he was so sure they didn't have anything to do with it, why wouldn't he suggest a necropsy? I didn't know about that. I can see why he wouldn't mention it, if he knew they did something sinister. My dog was still in their "morgue" when I first heard about a necropsy. It was from someone from the ASPCA hotline who mentioned it to me and said it was too late, that it had to be done pretty much the same day. Now, I don't think that is true. Of course, it's too late now. Another thing I am mad at myself for. I was so distraught I didn't even think of double-checking on a necropsy. I see why they waited more than a week after he passed to give me my records. Maybe they figured I wouldn't have time to see their lies in the records to seek a necropsy. That is exactly what happened. I didn't read the notes until after he was cremated. Then I saw that he withheld lab results, how bare the notes were, nothing about the tracheal tube, not vitals, and what mostly piqued my curiosity and anger, the word "fractious" that he took the time to write, and yet the notes were bare -- "incomplete and inconclusive" according to my regular vet. Oh, how I wish I never listened to my husband!! He pushed me into that cleaning and going to that other vet! We had and have a great vet! Believe me, this has caused tension for me for my husband. I told him I was opposed to it and he insisted. That's also what I am going through. I haven't forgiven him 100%. It will take a lot of time. I first need to get justice for my sweet little Parker and try to save other pets, if this guy is even cited for anything. I heard they get away with "murder" many, many times over. I hope this state is stricter and finds he really is a criminal. I don't think he would be shut down, unless they have a lot of complaints about him, which they do not reveal to the public. I am keeping my fingers crossed he gets in big trouble. They killed my dog or let him die, and I will bet my life on it. Read the attached story (below) about the Bulldog and its anxiety, what happened to him. You'll see it's possible for these things to happen and how they try to cover it up. They had a necropsy, which is what I am missing, but from my research, that vet I went to broke laws. My dog was very anxious and that vet knew!! He was well prepared from the 2 previous visits. He wrote "nervous dog" in the other notes. He could have declined treating Parker for everyone's benefit, especially my dog who was being handled by strangers, his biggest fear. That vet didn't know my dog well enough at all to know how to handle him, yet he did know he was anxious and scared, but continued with his plan, putting my dog in a dangerous situation. No voluntary procedure is worth stressing a pet and putting its life in danger. The owner of the rescue where I got him told me any caring vet would have called me to come and get him before he ever wrote "fractious." He saw my dog was in peril, fight or flight mode. My dog should be here. My regular vet said there's no reason for him not to be here. They should have been on the phone with me ASAP when they had a problem. As I wrote above, that's why I think it was something else, that's why he didn't call me right away. I think he called me much later. Gave him time to make up a story and not take responsibility. There's a local court case against him for negligence and malpractice. Because of his continuous treatment for his misdiagnosis, someone's cat had to be put to sleep. He didn't take responsibility for it Did the same with them. No answers. I hope if the state takes my case, that someone present that day, speaks up and tells the real truth. Sometimes there's that one person who can't lie. I hope that person is there and speaks up when/if the state goes there. That vet will get his day and I hope I hear about it. I believe in karma -- "You reap what you sow." "What goes around comes around." https://twolittlecavaliers.com/2011/07/separation-anxiety-leads-to-dogs-death.html ~ Parker's Mom

To My Sweet Peanut, Today was a cold and rainy day. I tried very hard not to cry because I don’t know if it can make you upset. I don’t want you to feel bad for your Mom. I feel bad enough about what happened. I still try to understand Parker, why I let you go there. You were so frightened. I knew that. Please don’t be upset with me. I think you will find it in your big heart to know your Mom would never let anyone harm you on purpose. I’m taking very good care of your brothers. I don’t want them to be sad because I know they miss you. They don’t know where you are. I know for sure they want you here, as much as I do. I’m so very sorry my little boy. I am crying now. Thinking of you makes me happy, but also sad since you are not with us. Yesterday something happened. I don’t remember a time when Leroy had drippy eyes, but Leroy had drippy eyes for some reason. You were the one who always had that. You had no health issues. That was the only thing you ever had. I shared my eye drops with you. You were always such a good sport to let me give you the drops before bedtime. You were smart enough to know they made you feel better. I used the same drops for Leroy. His eyes were cleared up today. I wondered if he had the drippy eyes because you were here, coming through him. I hope that was you. Was that you, Parker? Please give me a sign. I need to know if it’s true thats your spirit could be here with me. I miss you so, so much. I wish I could bring you back. So many times, I don’t believe any of this is true, that you are not here. My Little Peanut, what has happened to you is so unfair. I still don’t understand. You were not meant to be gone this soon. You were so young and so full of life. I miss taking you for walks. I miss hearing your little bark and howl. I miss you cuddling next to me and showering me with your kisses. I miss seeing you at the top the stairs when you would be the first to put yourself to bed. I miss tucking you in at night and giving you a kiss goodnight. I miss everything. Always remember that I Love You and I will never stop. I miss you every single day. I Love You always My Little Peanut. Love, Mom

Hi Missing My Fancy, I hope it's okay, I was going to post on your page and I saw that you are from Scranton? I'm here in Effort. Small world. I'm sorry what you went through. More vet abuse and negligence. There's a website about vet abuse. (vetabusenetworkI contacted the person who runs it and she had many questions for me and everyone I answered pointed to abuse. I know I'm not responsible for the outcome, but I regret taking him there when we already had a good vet. Some of that was my husband's choice and that did cause a riff in our marriage. We only went to this other guy for some help with our Beagle, Leroy, with stomach issues. That vet did nothing anyway. I never planned on switching my vet. My husband decided once we went there with Leroy, why not take the other two? That was the beginning of the end. The dental was his idea and I was against it. I just didn't feel right with that place. If you read my other posts, you'll see that they lied and broke laws. I failed to follow my intuition. I fault myself for not just keeping Parker home. I had no obligation to keep that appt. A simple NO was all I needed to do. It's something that will stay with me forever. I read you were back and forth with the vet. It sounds like they jerked you around. Incompetence. I can't understand why any vet would not be proactive, it's more money for them anyway. I called this vet 3 weeks before the procedure because he had 2 urinary accidents, which were out of the ordinary. That vet had the nerve to say everything was clear on his lab work, yet when I later got it, there were flagged items that were never brought up. They could have been related, or maybe not, but I had every right to know the lab flagged things. I will never know if they were connected to his urinary accidents and something was brewing. I got clearance from him, he was okay for the dental, yet he mentioned checking for stones. Again, you would think having me come in with him was monetarily beneficial for him. He should have examined him and ruled out any problem, but why would he ask to examine him when he withheld the lab results? Total neglect and lies. I hear you about Facebook and other media sites. His day is coming when I will make his life miserable. His staff, too. They are his puppets. I had a taste of their lies last year and I swore not to return and I can't believe I did and Parker had only been there 3 times. First it will be the state complaint pointing out the laws and codes he broke. That's if the state takes the case. I am keeping fingers crossed. I have a compelling complaint so I hope someone with a soft spot will choose to investigate. After that I will sue him in small claims for everything I can. I am going to ask for the lab charges for my 2 dogs because my other dog didn't get the procedure because of what happened. We canceled it. There were flagged items on his report, too. I contacted a pet attorney. She gave me advice. I can use her if her fee is reasonable. She was very helpful. I think she is in Honesdale. Phone: 570-685-1023. Next will be the reviews and I will take no prisoners. I will then write him a letter and it won't be nice. I will continuously list things I think he and his staff did and ask him if that's how he killed my dog. Then I think I will send the Attorney General a complaint. I called them and they said I could send it there there. He has a business. I want to go as high as I can so he knows he messed with the wrong person and he will never harm another pet again. I found one case in the local court. I called the pet owner. Apparently this vet misdiagnosed her cat for a long time and she finally got a second opinion and it was too late. She had to put the cat down. He was charged with malpractice and negligence. I have noted this case in my complaint. I have the docket number and info. PA won't tell you if there are any state complaints. They only divulge disciplinary actions. He had none so far, but who knows, maybe he will after I get done with him. I also called a woman on Yelp who gave him a horrible review. This vet IS a total moron. He has no bedside manner with animals, either. Did you ever consider filing a state complaint? You have nothing to lose. I certainly understand how hard it is for you to have Fancy's ashes at your home. Last year we bought a Suncast cabinet for our basement. It started out for storage and for our keys, etc. I never, ever imagined it would house my dog's ashes. I never go in that cabinet. He is still in a box in a small gift/shopping bag from the crematory. It kills me. I recently moved his collar in there, too. It was in an envelope. I can relate to how difficult it is for you. I am very sorry. It doesn't seem fair. I am a broken person. That vet did this to me. Feel free to write anytime. I hope we can get through this. ~ Parker's Mom

Hello My Little One, Mom wants to say hello today. I am missing you Parker, as always. I want you to remember I will never forget you. It's a nice day and your brothers are on the deck watching the rabbits and deer. Of course your brother Porter is barking at them. I miss hearing you bark and howl. Today is a day you would be sunbathing. I miss seeing you do that. You loved to lie in the sun and roll around on your back. It was always so cute. Then you would look up into the storm door window to peek in. I really miss that. I Love You Parker. My little baby. Your sunshine is missed at home. Your playfulness is missed by your brothers. Your love is missed by us all. I Love You Forever. Love, Mom

Thank you Marty. I didn't know contacting a pet's spirit was possible since they can't speak. I will read about it. Thank you for the link. I passed it along to a friend of mine who lost her cat to cancer.

To My Wonderful Happy Little Parker, My light, my laughter, my angel Today Mom had more tears than yesterday. I thought about you all day. I’m still thinking of you. Yesterday was a nice day, but your brothers were unusually quiet. They slept most of the day. Porter was sprawled out on one of the beds and Leroy was rolled up in another bed near the window. It seemed they were missing you. You would have been lying next to Porter or cuddled with Leroy. You loved being close to us. Sometime in between you would have come by me wherever I would be. I miss your little face watching me with the sparkle in your eyes. Later in the day they were on the deck. Porter didn't bark quite as much as usual, but when he did, it was his usual continuous bark. I expected to hear your single bark and howl that would follow. I didn't hear it. I missed it so much, I was going to listen to a recording of you three when Leroy would join in with his Beagle howl. I wasn't sure if it would make me upset knowing you were not here and that it was just a recording. I took a break from the garden this year. I wanted to use my time to take portraits of the three of you with my new camera. I wanted crisp and clear shots that I could place under acrylic. I would have hung them on the big wall in the living room and would have them for a lifetime. That all changed when someone did this to you. I took out the camera and I transferred pictures to my computer. I saw many of you and some I had just taken shortly before you were taken away. It hurt too much to look at them. I'm sorry. I'm not strong enough yet. I’m keeping the camera handy. The other day I saw a cardinal on our deck. This was the first time I’ve seen one here. I first thought I wish I had my camera. The cardinal stayed for a minute or so and then flew to a nearby tree. A day or so later someone told me about signs, and she mentioned a cardinal. She said it is a sign of an angel. Then I remembered the cardinal that was here. I thought about it and now I want to know if that was you? Was it you coming to see us? Please come back. I will believe if I see a cardinal nearby again, I will know that it’s you. I’m missing you so much Parker. It doesn’t seem the same without you. You were always the clown and entertainer. It’s silent now. I love your brothers, but they don’t play together. You were the one to motivate us all. Parker, if that was you the other day, please come back. Make a believer out of me. I need to know you are not gone forever. I Love You My Sweet Baby. I can’t believe I am not holding you, walking you, tucking you in a night. All of this seems untrue. It doesn’t seem real. I think sometimes you really aren’t gone. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, IT’S IMMEASURABLE. I Love You My Sweetie, LOVE, MOM xxxxoooo ♥️♥️♥️♥️

Hi Marty, kayc, Marty, kayc, I've only had 5 or so visits with this grief counselor. My husband joins me. Working on it. I first went to someone else months ago, a few weeks after this happened. I was wearing jeans and a plain shirt. My hair is long and I didn't fuss with it. Because my hair was windblown, she said I looked like a homeless person and the next time I should wear makeup. She came up to me and said, "Woe is me." I didn't return. I went to another woman, who, for 3 visits wanted to know where I used to work, everything else except focus on my grief and what to do. That was it for her. It wasn't until about 6 weeks later I finally found someone who listens and interacts with coping exercises, he doesn't insult me, and considers everyone's grief important for whatever reason. Mythickhead is a problem. I'm still feel horrible that I suggested this vet, but only for 2nd opinion for my other dog. I never intended to continue there. kayc, Carelessness was originally said because my husband could be haphazard with them. Although we agreed not to walk our dogs anywhere near house with big dog who nearly killed my other little one, he would still often go by there vs the opposite direction or just stay in our yard. I wasn't pleased I would often have to remind him. That's the carelessness. Other things too, he didn't consider consequences. I will change that to say "if he makes any decisions without my consent." His insisted on bringing all of our dogs to that vet, and for the cleaning. I was opposed to both decisions. He wouldn't listen to me. I had a bad feeling about that place & I was right. They were full of lies. I should have put my foot down to stick with their vet, since pups. This is my guilt. All I had to do was follow my intuition and keep him home. Simple. I didn't. Yes, I need to give myself and husband a break. I miss my dog so much and I know it was not necessary, but in an hour or so, he's gone, just like that? No explanation? He was a scared little dog and we knew that. I can't help but feel I/we set him up for disaster. I had so many opportunities to say a simple NO, yet I missed them. No reason he should not be here. None. I hope this makes sense from your perspective.

I am seeing a grief counselor who treats every loss as the same. He knows grief is the same all the way around. My husband attends, too. I'm okay there. When I get home, I'm on my own. I'm living with my husband who I see as part of this ordeal. He wanted it. He demanded it. He brought him there. I told him time and again in the past, if anything happens to these dogs, I don't know what I'd do. I also said if anything happens because he makes a decision without my consent, I would leave. Over and over I think maybe I should leave. Take my other 2 dogs and go. I'm not sure if that's the right thing to do right now. I don't know. I just want the pain and guilt of my loss to go away. The problem is, I miss him so much, I can't let it go. I know this is all wrong. I know the two of us knew better and should have never taken him there, to a new vet. It was a mistake, yes, but there should never be any mistakes when it costs a life or harm. Human or animal. My days are a struggle. I'm reassured for my hour with my grief counselor, and the rest of the day, but the next day arrives and I feel the same again. My loss is so immense. I'm not measuring it to other people's losses. I'm measuring to my own in my lifetime. This is the worst thing that's ever happened to me because of the nature and circumstances of it. He should be here today.

My Sweet Little Parker, I wake up every morning with a pain in my gut knowing I will not see you. Your brothers wake up with vigor and energy. I think I am going to see you and you're not there. No matter how sunny or nice of a day, it doesn't feel like the sun is shining. The light you shined has been darkened here. I look forward to going to sleep at night. It's the only peace I get. When I awake in the morning, the dread of you being gone starts all over again. I just don't understand. I don't know why you are gone. It doesn't make sense. You were not sick. You were taken away. My Little Angel, I want you to be here. I get upset with myself knowing I had choices. Why didn't I keep you home that day? Everything would be normal. I am not the same anymore. I am missing a part of me and inside I feel numb. I am upset with myself. I could have you here. I did a bad thing. I had a premonition something could go wrong there. I question myself every day what I was thinking. I am still not pleased with your Dad since he had the idea and he brought you there. Things between us are shaky. It's not the same as before you were gone. I wish I could have my old self back and things at home were like they were. That would only be possible if this never happened or if I awoke and you were here again. I know that's not possible. That's what hurts so much. I feel like I will never see you again. I didn't keep you safe, though throughout your short life, I tried so hard. I looked ahead about things that could go wrong and I kept you from harm so many times. Why did I fail this time? I need to protect you. I am so sorry. Sorry is not enough. Please do not be angry with me. As you always did, please give me your unconditional love. I may be asking for a lot because I failed you. I don't know what to say anymore. Know that I am broken-hearted and grief-stricken for over 5 months and it doesn't seem to get better. It all seems wrong that you are gone and I am missing you. This should not be happening. Remember that I always loved you. My days seem to drag on without you. I feel lost without you. You were the energy in this home, the pack leader, the spirit, the laughter, and the shining light that gave all of us hope and filled us with passion. My Little Baby, I Love You forever and eternally. I hope there is a time we can be together again. I'm not sure if that exists, but I sure do hope it does. I LOVE YOU MY LITTLE ONE, FOREVER AND EVER, Your Mom

My Dear Little Parker, I'm sorry Parker. Mom has been thinking more about you the last couple of days. I've been outside and I have been wishing you were running in garden, in the yard, by my side. I have never felt so sad about anything in my life. I don't want to make you sad. Please give me a sign. I think your brothers miss you, too. Leroy just sits there. He doesn't have the spirit he had when you were here. I remember when you both became close, you cured him of his shyness, but Parker, I think he's falling back into being shy again. You made him sparkle. You made all of us smile, laugh, strong, and you filled us with passion. I am always wishing I can go back in time. I'm a broken person with you not here. I often feel responsible that I didn't keep you home. I wanted that and I don't know how I failed. I haven't been the same since you're not here. I have little interest in anything. It never seems right or fair to enjoy anything because I let you go. I am so sorry. I don't anymore how to fix this. Not seeing you again tears me apart. It hurts so much. Please forgive me. Parker, I am so sorry. Nothing is the same anymore. Your bright light is not here. I'm in darkness most of the time. Please forgive me. I love you so much My Little Peanut. I'm sending love from your brothers, Leroy and Porter. I know they miss you and still love you. I LOVE YOU FOREVER, EVER, AND EVER, Your Mom