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About Guilt_beyond_imagination

  • Rank
    Tina - Parker's Mom
  • Birthday December 9

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    Dog owner
  • Date of Death
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    Stroudsburg PA

Profile Information

  • Your gender
  • Location (city, state)
  • Interests
    Dog rescue volunteer and foster mom. Cooking; baking; gardening and canning; skiing; theater and movies; almost every music genre, and caring for my 2 sweet little rescue dogs who I have had since pups and who dearly miss their wonderful and loving brother who passed tragically. I treasure their presence and continue to meticulously and lovingly care for them as always. Parker, you will always be in my heart.

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  1. Well, it's been months since I've been here and I am sorry for that. I haven't written to my little one and I am way overdue. It's been getting better and I am able to let his soul rest. I miss Parker so much everyday and he will always be in my heart. Sometime in the fall, I was looking on Petfinder and Adopt-a-Pet. I saw a dog that looked so much like Parker to me. His description was like him. Then I saw that he had the same birthday, except 4 years younger. Well, after watching the rescue's videos of him, I knew I wanted to save another dog in honor of Parker. We live in NE PA and d
  2. I'm so sorry Parker. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I hope you hear me. I never got to say goodbye. I didn't get to kiss you before you left that fateful day. I wish I could take it all back and start over. I'm hurting. I LOVE YOU FOREVER Mom
  3. DebbieGD, I am so sorry and sad you are feeling like this. I felt guilt for an extremely long time. I still go through guilt phases. I understand how you feel. Was your baby a cat or dog? I know cats can be fearful at a vet office. What exactly happened? You said her sugar went up. What happened during and after that time? You had no control over her sugar. I had a dog once before who got diabetes out of nowhere. I had to give him insulin 2x a day. That's something we cannot control. Please let me know what happened. I don't want you to go through the pain of guilt. It's an awful ride. I
  4. My Wonderful Little Peanut, I am missing you, my little one. I never stop missing you. Lately It has been more than before. I cannot believe how much time has passed, yet I do not miss a day without thinking of you. It is still too painful for me to open the cabinet where you are, just ashes in a box. In the morning, on that day, you were your spunky self and a few hours later I got the worst call of my life that you were gone. Gone from a routine procedure. I could not process it. Everything I was told did not make sense. It was smoke and mirrors. Of course, the condition I was in a
  5. My Sweet Little Parker, I hope this poem is something you feel about me. I am always thinking of you and sometimes I feel you are here with me. When I am in another room, I imagine you still here with your brothers and that it is just like it used to be. It hurts so much to know it really is not true. You really are gone, but it feels good to me, for a short while. I Love You so much, my little darling. Love, Mom I Haven't Left At All I saw you gently weeping as you looked through photographs You paused for just a moment at one that made you laugh; But as you turn
  6. Dear Parker, My Sweetheart Oh, my precious. I have not written you in such a long time. I miss you so much. I have been thinking about you so much lately. So many things have happened. People who worked with your dad at the airport have died from a virus that has taken over. We are locked down. No word when we will open. All of this going on caused me to not write sooner. I miss you, my little one. I think about you all the time. I see you sometimes playing with your brother, but then I realize it is a mirage. A feeling that I want you here. I am still waiting for the state's
  7. Hi Kay, My husband is on a 2-week paid leave from United at Newark Airport. There were 2 coronavirus deaths at United in late March. One was a 52-year old ramp worker and other was 58-year old mechanic in the next shop. My husband used to work closely with him. There were several people out on self-quarantine and 2 were on ventilators. So, United decided to give them paid time off. Airlines did get money from government, but they are losing big money. Every single airline in the world has parked at least half of their fleet in deserts, etc. They are working on skeleton staffs. They
  8. Kay, How did that happen to you when you gave the blood? Besides your BP, were you also under the minimum weight? My blood pressure is normally pretty low. In the past I've been asked if I was alive because it was so low. I'm sort of scared because this is my first time. I have usually been too underweight to give it. I've gained a few pounds, enough to be over the minimum. Besides being scared of my own blood, I don't know if I will faint if I glance over. Don't they take a pint or something like that? I never look when I get a little vial taken from me. I'm sorry about Arlie
  9. TO MY LITTLE MAN, Hi there my sweet Parker. I miss you so much. I finally hung up a tribute to you with your pictures. I don’t look closely at it because it still hurts me, but it’s there and I feel in my heart that you deserve to be honored. I want to thank you for looking out for your brother Leroy and keeping him safe during his surgery. He came out like a champ. He’s such a happy dog. I still see sadness in his eyes because he misses you, his best friend. He is taking it well wearing a cone for the second time in 4 months. I know with your doggie powers from above that his b
  10. MY DEAR PRECIOUS BABY, Hello Parker. Mom misses you so much. I need your presence to lighten up the tension for me. Things are in a turmoil here in the world. We have a serious virus circulating the globe. It's caused people to get sick and die and caused financial problems for mostly all of us in every which way. Some people can't work for all different reasons, all kinds of events have been cancelled from towns to big cities. Nothing was ever the same for me when I lost you. Now nothing is the same anymore for almost the entire world. I cry for those who have been affected by the
  11. PARKER, MY SWEETHEART, I haven't been writing as much as I'd like. It hurts so much to write because it is the reality you are not here, next to me. I cannot seem to accept you are gone. I'm sorry I have not been able to view your ashes in the cabinet. They are in the box in a bag. I cannot open the cabinet. I wonder sometimes if I see it, will it ease my pain and allow me to accept it, or will it make me feel worse. I haven't set up a tribute to you yet. Is that wrong? I have a hard time viewing your pictures. I don't know how I uploaded the few pictures on this forum. The pain of lo
  12. My Loving Little Parker, I am so, so sorry. I can't let it go that I feel partly to blame for you not being here. I think about you all day, everyday. I called your brother by your name by mistake, and I broke down. I miss you so much. I will write you again, very soon. I just needed to let you know that I have not forgotten you. I yearn to hold you and receive your big kisses. Your brothers are the only reason I keep going. They need me and I need them, too. I loved you all the same, but I miss you immensely. It's one day at a time for me. I wish I knew for sure if we wo
  13. My Sweet Little Peanut, I want you to know that I gave you a voice. It was time for you to be heard. Your message was strong and straightforward. The letter was brought to that vet's office by me, in person. I remember him telling me, "It happens" when he called that horrible day. He didn't have the decency to call me when trouble arose. He waited until you were already gone. He had nothing else to say. He knew he was wrong and later I found out he was full of lies. That's okay, because karma is a powerful thing.I wish you were here instead. It's difficult to look at your picture
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