CommanderCody

Hi. I just want to vent out my feelings. Since yesterday, my thoughts were overwhelmed by Alek again; until in my sleep she's still in my dreams and I think it's because I kept thinking about her often lately. I don't know why I'm thinking of her frequently since yesterday. I'll admit I do think of her every single day but it doesn't compare on how I have been thinking of her frequently since yesterday. Our memories are haunting me and there's nothing I can do to avoid it but to embrace the pain of the beautiful past -- and it sucks it had to be that way. I still do miss her but I know there is nothing I can do to change our situation. I also want to add : On new years eve, her big sister replied to my IG story and I greeted her a happy new year and she greeted me back liked she always use to, no hard feelings, still friendly towards me, and talks to me in a way like my ex and I didn't even break up. My ex's niece also commented on my post greeting me a happy new year. I dont know though if she knows that Alek and I broke up already because she stills interacts with me. My point is, her family sometimes still interacts with me, they even greeted me happy new year but she didnt. I dont know why she didnt. Right now, she posted yesterday a video on IG tributing about her father. I didnt watch the whole video as that I cant hurt myself seeing her pictures in the video but I liked the video. I guess she still is grieving at this point. She doesnt look at my instagram stories, but its funny because whenever I would look at her instagram stories, she would look at mine. But when I ignore hers, she ignores mine. Thats what I have observed. I know I should stop doing these things, i shouldnt even worry with this kind of stuff anymore. Its just that i seem to think about her often today. Im trying to comfort myself by thinking that we did our best and that nothing is a mistake and everything happens for a reason, but my thoughts of her overwhelmed me today.

how are you holding up, baxter?

Since you write, I would appreciate it if you could suggest a better caption for my song cover. Not too emotional, simple, but she'll know that I'm talking indirectly to her. Something like a " thank you to everyone who has been a big part of my 2020. Im grateful for the experience, lessons, and the shared memories etc. " something like that.

You think so? Even though if I approached her first between Dec 1 - Dec 10 that still wouldn't make any difference? Because I let her the one set the pace and when she took 9 days before reaching out to me, I was kinda pissed that it took a week before we got to talk again but in fact we had decided to work out the relationship again. I was thinking last week that what if she's just the one waiting for me to hit her up but I didn't because I'm still respecting her wishes on her space.

Could you help me out with something, Back in May when we were just friends, I sang to her Photograph by Ed Sheeran because we had a deal that if the other person would sing, he/she would sing too and she was the first one to sing. When I played Photograph ( instrumental ) she had a reaction of " aww what a sad song " then I continued to sing it. Fast forward to November, I posted in my Instagram a short cover of Photograph of me and my little sister. The thing is, my sister was wearing the t-shirt my ex lend to me when I took a shower at their home back July. This is the month and time that we decided to work out the relationship so she replied to my video " awww so good!! " but she didn't say anything about the t-shirt my sister is wearing ( but I know she noticed it ) what I'm trying to say is, she might have got a hint that I'm playing this song for her especially that an item of hers is in the video which is indirectly pointing out to her. Now, my sister and I have made the full cover of Ed Sheeran's Photograph and I'm planning to post it. I'm not sure whether I should show some emotions on the caption of my video cause I was thinking something like this " Ending the year with a Photograph. The many times I've listened to this song, this is the only time I have really understood each word in the lyrics and how beautifully constructed this song is. Hope you enjoy our cover! " or something just simple like this " Ending the year with a Photograph. Hope you enjoy our cover! " I really want to plant the song Photograph in her head that whenever she hears it, it will remind her of me because our love story is like the lyrics in Photograph. And my gut somehow tells me that whenever she hears of this song, I'm the one she will think about. What do you think? @BaxterBurg@kayc

Honestly I don't think I can block her from any of my social media accounts even her family. As much as I want to, there's really no bad feud between us that will make me do that. She did unfollow her ex on her social media accounts before though because that relationship of theirs was toxic and abusive. I don't want to let her misinterpret the reason I unfollowed or block her is because I have a beef with her, no. I did use the mute function on her and her families stories. This is sad. I can't even remember how many times I've vented here while tears are running down my face. Hang tight. I don't think letting her know anything what I'm going to do at this point will make any difference. If I would have let her know on Dec 10 that I have decided to move on despite us agreed to working it out, maybe that would make a difference -- but no, I ignored her. That's the only thing on my conscious right now. How I have wished I have told her instead of ignoring her. That's why I kept thinking if I didn't do that, what would our situation be now. The only thing that keeps me and my thoughts sane is thinking that nothing is a mistake -- that everything is right where they're supposed to be.

Damn, I can clearly see now your point. I do really hope that I could get the strength you had when he was trying to pull you off emotionally but you resisted. That you know it would only step you back and hurt you even more. I hope I could get that courage to say no to the person who wronged you even if you loved them. I left you a personal message Kay C I want to ask you something.

You could try watching videos on Youtube about relationship coaches who gives advices on moving on from the first relationships or letting go. This is the only time I've done this type of stuff because I really want to move on from the pain that I have experienced. I feel you on this bro. I can't tell you how many times I've thought about how great we could have been. To be honest I never see her as my " The One That Got Away " rather she will be my greatest " what could have been " or " what if " so far. I'm pretty sure whenever she would look back to our relationship and realize the times I've been there for her, hopefully she would see me as her The One That Got Away. I'm beginning to understand now what @selena1988has mentioned in my forum about " You will miss what was ( and what wasn't meant to be ) " I'm pretty sure we're missing the what could have been right now. Life really did do us dirty on that one or maybe blessed us with something even more greater. This is what's difficult about talking to them sometimes. Sometimes they misinterpret what we said and they would give a negative feedback on it and we will wonder if there was something wrong we had said. Most likely. Every action they have been doing are affected by grief so that's that. Same here bro. It's a big adjustment and a huuuge withdrawal for the both of us and for our ex's from us being able to talk for number of consecutive days,weeks, and months, to not being able to talk everyday or not talk anymore. We feel empty from those especially we have shared a lot of stories, told secrets, and made many memories. Thanks bro! Wishing you the best also in your plans. I've been giving my time a lot on playing the guitar these days and have been posting some covers on Instagram. It helps that I am able to release my emotions to playing guitar, especially when I play a really sad song, I would just sing it with full emotions. May I ask, how old are you? I feel like we're off the same age or our age isn't far from each other. I'm 23 btw.

But she doesn't have it in her... I can't and shouldn't expect anything from her especially that having a relationship isn't her priority right now and that she'll try to make the relationship work again... Not like when we broke up last September, she did try her best to make us work but not this time... Maybe when we had space for a month we got used to the feeling that we're not communicating daily and that we both realized sooner or later we won't be talking at all... atleast that's what I feel of. I guess the reason I'm still having a hard time moving on is because of the memories that was left of us. No matter how many months have passed, every detail is still fresh in my mind and heart that's why it hurts a little.

For me, it was not easy at first when I collected my thoughts and came to a realization where this maybe ending sooner or later and I have to prepare for that. When we took space for a month last October to November, we both had the time to think things through. By those times, I realized then that I do want to be there for her, I do want this relationship to work but I know it's going to be difficult because she's emotionally unavailable. Then I started meditating every morning from 6 AM - 7 AM, I would meditate when the sun is rising up, closing my eyes, thinking things thoroughly, and talk to my inner-self. I faced myself with the hard truths and even my gut tells me that I know what I have to do, it's only my mind that I have to convince. I'll admit there's still part of me now that's slightly struggling to accept that we had to go down this way but it's something that I can't control now. My mind and heart is wide open in the reality that everything that happened is now a thing of the past but somehow my mind randomly plays memories from the past and that's what keeps hurting me now. Also, learn to be grateful for everything. Even the heart ache she has caused you, thank her and thank the universe you have experienced it. Be thankful for the love, time, laughs, you both have shared. Because we cant hate, get angry, sad, or any other emotions if we are genuinely thankful for everything. I know it's easier said than done but this is one way to do it. Why do you say that? What kind of standard do you feel she has set for you? Haha we got another similar experience here. Her past relationships has been awful and toxic. I can confidently say that I'm the only guy who treated her right, respected her, showed her values, showed up for her, gave her the love she deserves. She had lots of firsts with me : first guy to be introduced to her whole family, first guy her parents approved of, first guy to celebrate her birthday with her. It's strange to think that no matter how good you are for that person and they even know that you're special, they can still break up with you regardless of the situation. Yes, I have. I reflected a lot on our relationship and where I went wrong. Notice that I reflected on where I went wrong and not where she or the both of us went wrong because 3 months ago I was blaming myself on why had broken up. Anyway, the chinks that I noticed are : 1. I was too emotional. I still believe until this day that if I haven't brought up that relationship talk on the day we broke up, maybe things would be different right now. She wants someone who's there for her emotionally strong ( because obviously she's emotionally unavailable ) and when I TEARED UP in front of her and told her that I was hurt when she didn't greet me for our 2nd monthsary, that's when she realized that I may only get hurt even more in the future if we continue this relationship. Moral lesson of the story : Don't be too emotional and learn to keep your mouth shut. 2. I didn't show her enough compassion. When we had an argument last Oct 18, I started the conversation by asking her if she's still happy with the relationship and she answered me yes then I dropped everything that I wanted to say to her -- I wish I didn't do that though. I wish I didn't bombarded her with my feelings AGAIN. I told her things like from the relationship having too many red flags for me to telling her I want to move on from this. Deep into the conversation we had a heated argument where she dropped a tear because I can't understand her. I can't understand how she feels, how she thinks, and how she acts. She thought that I understood her from the start when she asked me for space but it's clear that that conversation of ours was the evidence she needs to see that I clearly don't. I admitted to her that I can't really understand her and that made us have space from each other even more. How I wish I showed her compassion and validated her feelings rather than having a heated argument. 3. I don't know if this is a chink but I think the way I communicated with her was the one that really ruined us now. Back September after I ignored her for 3 days for a specific reason, she was upset that I did that to her and told me that if I wanted space, I should have said so. It would have hurt less. I told her then that I would communicate better with her. One of Alek's characteristics is that she doesn't forget. She is a good listener. And I'm sure she remembered when I said that. That's why I feel like I do owe her that I have to move on from this rather than just go without explanation. I have learned to forgive myself for the mistakes that I have done and Im pretty sure this wont happen again. Yeah, it's hard to strung along someone because of the hope that they still have in their heart. They know how much we are willing to cling to this relationship. In my case tho, what happened was when we had an argument back Oct 18, in the middle of our heated argument she specifically told me " Maybe I don't want to have a relationship anymore " I don't know if its her grief doing the talking or her rational mind. Anyway, we still both continued working out the relationship a month later. This is another problem for the both of us. The problems going on with her family after the death of a loved one. That's why I can't really blame if she's emotionally unavailable due to the stress, problems, and anxiety she have been experiencing from the things going on in her life. That's why she doesn't have time for a relationship. I'm doing alright so far, Burg. I'm taking my healing process one day at a time although sometimes I do really get sad when I think about her and I can't help but to tear up sometimes but it's part of it. I'm slowly embracing the pain. I got many plans for 2021! Mainly I would be putting my focus on self-development. I am planning on volunteering in Red Cross for Emergency Response Unit, attend seminars about public speaking, and my best friend and I are planning on opening up a mexican-themed business next year. How about you?

Hi, I just want to release the feelings that I'm feeling on my chest right now. I've been trying my best the last couple of days to focus on myself and I've been spending a lot of time with my family. After 14 days, I have messaged Alek and I've greeted her on the 24th at 3 pm saying " Hey, I hope you're doing well. I just want to wish you and your family a Merry Christmas! " and she replied back 9 hrs later with a " Merry Christmas to you and your family too! " I know that with that kind of statement, it's probably over between us. I greeted her just to let her know that I'm still good with keeping a friendship with her and that there's no beef between us ( after I have ignored her last dec 10 ) I'm trying my best to let go of the hope that she'll be reaching out anytime soon. Right now, I'm feeling a little sad because I woke up earlier and I have dreamt of Alek. I dreamt that we were in the back of my car and that we're going on a trip with my friends. While on the way to our trip, Alek and I are extremely close with each other physically ( just like how we used to be ) and when I woke up I spontaneously got sad from that. Just like what @selena1988 had said about I will miss what was ( and wasn't ), I think I'm understanding that now. I had a realization where in her family, 2 of her 5 half siblings has a long term relationship with only one person. And these half siblings of hers, one of them is the most she's closest to and the other one is where I can see a similarity in their attitude. I know Alek knows the importance of having a partner for long term, having a partner who has good values, a family man, and respectful. She told me that before that's one of the characteristics she liked about me. My point is, Alek and I could have been wonderful in the long term but why can't I slightly accept that we had went down this way. Her two half-siblings, although they are married and one of them has a family, but there relationship with their husbands didn't fell off. Yeah, every people handles grief differently and I can understand that. Is it because Alek is the youngest in the siblings that's why she was impacted the most? My aunt told me that she's not yet mature when it comes into a relationship but I disagree with her. I can't help but think that I know Alek the best but then I listened to the advices that I've received and this is what we are now. I know ranting my thoughts here won't bring her back but how I wish that I could have handled things differently with her. I don't even know if she wanted to break things off between us when we decided to work out the relationship for the 2nd time, but I was the one that let go.

Exactly. These are the statements that will keep holding you back because there is " hope ". Just like when she told me that she still wants to make the relationship work, I had high hopes but then I already had to keep expect the worse case scenario. It will keep you in overthinking most of the time and that will drain you emotionally and mentally. In my case, most people that I talked with said that our relationship is falling apart even though we both have decided to work it out. I immediately called my dad the day after we both have decided to work out the relationship and told him that Alek and I just finished chatting through video call but because when we talked on vc, the enthusiasm of her talking to me wasn't there and the words he emphasized with me is " son just let her go ". My point is I'm not sure if I made the right decision in listening to the advices I have received. Sometimes I still kept thinking what if I didn't ignore her last time, what would our situation look like now? have she invited me over at their house for Christmas? Would I feel now like she's resenting me if I didn't ignore her? This is difficult. Reading every moves she makes and it will keep us in overthinking. Two persons who really love each other shouldn't be giving the other one reasons to think like this... and I hate it that we both are going and have gone through this situation. You're right that you shouldn't be reading that atleast not too much. Maybe she's doing it for herself but she also wants you to see it, given that she never posts selfies on snapchat. Or maybe she what's to try something new to post selfies on snapchat. But I would just let her do her own thing -- maybe this is her way on getting her confidence back slowly. I won't make myself suffer into thinking that she's doing it for another guy. That will break our heart.

She will probably understand why you have said everything you had included in your blog. Of course. It's not like we had done something bad that made the situation the way it is, no. Honestly speaking I know for a fact that when they look back a few months from now to this pain they endured, the first thing that will come into their minds will be the loved one they lost and second would be the person who were there for them; despite the pain they have given us and we still chose to support them in any way we can, that is when they'll realize how a mistake it was that the relationship fell off. Because you will know if someone truly loves you if they still chose to be there for you even if you had wrong them, not because they hurt us intentionally but because grief has consumed them. It's not easy finding someone with a pure heart to support you in your time of need, and when they had it ( which is us ) and it fell apart, that's not on us. We had done everything we could. It's not on them either. The love is surely in the right time but the timing was not. Life just got in the middle of the way and that's why I surrendered all my worries to the man above. Just like what you said, if it's meant to be it will be.

Take care too brother. Hopefully may our hearts heal better, wiser, and stronger. Let me know if something ever happens and vice versa.

This is what's sad about to the both of us, and to those people who are experiencing this situation right now. I have read a post recently that said " Loving a person shouldn't be difficult. If the person is really into you, they wouldn't leave you guessing your feelings, questioning their motives, or even give you a reason to overthink because their feelings for you is genuine. " But then again here comes the argument about " but they're experiencing grief and she said she can't handle a relationship right now. And I know it's not her fault that this happened to us -- but I still want to be there for her because we didn't even want this to happen " This is what has kept me holding back. Then again, when I had a deep realization, as much as I want to be there for her, to offer my shoulder and my company whenever she wants to cry and rant, as much as it pains me, I know I had to let go. To be honest bro I don't even know if we will be ever talking again in the near future but I'm not waiting for her message or any interactions anymore. I want a fresh start to 2021 and just learn from everything this relationship has taught me. Do you have anything to say about this statement from the both of us, @kayc? Haha it's funny bro this is what I've told myself too. If she wants to really make this relationship work, I would want to see and feel it. If you had read my story about the time we went to the mall, I knew deep inside me that she is really trying to put an effort into making the relationship work but the problem is she can't really offer me anything. If you're curious what do I mean by that, what I mean is -- yeah, we were went out last time, hang out, but it wasn't the same anymore. The cute things we had been doing before : taking random selfies, holding hands while walking, being extremely close with each other even during car rides, those were all gone when we hang out last time. I appreciate the time she has given to the both of us, I don't know if it's my fault that I'm secretly wishing if we could be how we were before ( but I know its not going to happen ) and when I realized that what I saw was what I am going to be getting if we continue working out the relationship, I don't know if it's something I'm up for. EXACTLY!! We're stuck in the middle between : this is not her fault, we both didn't want this to happen vs I still love her and I want to make this work with her but I know it's not going to be the same. I hope you had a good holidays too brother.

thanks bro. I can honestly say I've done everything that I can to support her but even though I wanted to be there so much for her, there will really come a time when we realize it's too much and we proceed asking ourselves that if this situation is ever going to turn around and whatever your answer will be, the next question will be " what's next then? " I would say that you should listen to your gut bro. We can't fool ourselves with the hard truths. You bet you're right on this. I had an experience where in the first month when we started dating, whenever we would have car rides it would be always filled with stories and laughter and when she experienced grief, it changed to a small talk or just silence car rides. My point is even though she's quiet I could always feel that something isn't right and I'm not sure whether it has to do something with me or it's just her and her grief. Promise yourself bro, the next time you're going through this situation again and your partner cuts you off, don't hesitate to walk away no matter how much we love them. I really do think that this experience of ours, if it has taught as one thing, is that we should never settle for less -- and we both learned it the hard way. If you have read my forum on page 5 and 6, you'll see the story of Selena1988 and how and her boyfriend are going through his grieving process together. That's the type of person and love we both deserved. Yeah, I know she understands it. She even told me before that if I choose to walk away she won't take me against it. It's just that I felt that she lost her trust for me after I didn't made contact to her for 2 weeks. Because the last time we both hang out, she even cried and ranted her problems in life at me. And all I got for the Christmas greeting that I've told her was " Merry Christmas to you too and your family! " I feel she's beginning to resent me or maybe be grumpy or snappy towards me if ever we're going to be talking again. I don't know. My uncle said " if that's how you feel she's going to treat you after not talking for 2 weeks but in fact you were there for her for months, then that's not your problem anymore " that's a nice story bro. thanks for sharing it with me. I would definitely love to hear what she'll be saying regarding that. Have a happy holidays too! May we find the peace we deserve right now.

Anyway she did reply after 9 hrs. She said " Merry christmas to you and your family too! " i guess thats it. I dont have any more things to say to her. I guess when i walked away without explaining anything to her and ignored her for 2 weeks, it changed everything. Anyway it is what it is

Setting a time frame is okay, it is what Kay C has suggested with me either. If nothing progress within the time frame you had set, then you have your answer. When I had set a time frame ( when we broke up last September), I gave only until October to see if things were gonna progress, but since we had a argument that led us to wanting space even more with each other ( this story is in my forum) I adjusted the time frame for another month only because I deeply care and want the relationship to work and adjusted another. I feel your anxiety on this. You can't stop overthinking all those worries like " what if she talks to another guy? " " what if she forgets me?" " what if she wont contact me? " From what I have experienced, since she asked for more space, I respectfully gave it to her. I let her be the one to initiate almost most of our conversations -- and she did. But my anxiety sometimes can be overwhelming that whenever we weren't talking ( we took about 5 long days before we got to talk again ) these thoughts would somehow get the best of me; and let me tell you that s*** is exhausting. Between those 5 days, there was one day that I was crying real bad. I can't get her out of my head. Heck, I even kneeled down inside the church praying for my feelings that it hurts me so much. The best thing you could do, if you want, is to focus on yourself. Go out with friends, post things you've been doing on social media, do your own thing, I guarantee you, she may or not see it, hit you up or no, you will feel good about yourself. Of course the thought of her will still be there but you'll slowly get used to it that you're having fun even without her. Of course. I did miss her bro I won't lie about that. Everything that we both have gone through the relationship will surely take us back into reminiscing at some point when we are moving on. We can't avoid that ( atleast for me ) because we both know how amazing this person is for us. As Kay C has once told me bro, their interaction with you really depends on how they are feeling. I won't blame you for feeling unhappy if she talks to you in a way you're not expecting. It's hard to keep up a conversation when someone doesn't return the enthusiasm you're sharing. That is something you also have to take a consideration on if you're going to continue this relationship with her. I won't say that we're unlucky if we get through the same situation again; I would rather say that hopefully we would get a partner that's not going to cut us out in their grieving process. I'm not afraid to go down this path again as long I'm sure the person I am with is allowing me to be there for her, not breaking us up. And by then, I know what to do because this experience of handling a grieving person is the most biggest lesson I've ever learned in a relationship and I'm grateful for that Yes, of course I have thought about this. They care for us that they have to end the relationship because they have nothing to offer to us in all aspects. And it guilts them that they are dragging us along with their problems. I shared my story on my forum regarding this, I think it's in page 3. Where she has said that she feels unfair because she's dragging me along her problems but I told her that I don't blame her if she feels that way and that I chose to be with her from the start and that she should not feel bad about herself for feeling that way. Anyway, if you've read my forum all the way to page 6, you probably know that we haven't spoken casually for 24 days now and that I ignored her last Dec 10 after she didn't reach out to me from Dec 1 - Dec 10, that finally I realized this to too much and I have to move on. Since then I stopped viewing her instagram stories and when she noticed it, she did the same thing to me. But her little brother and big sister has recently had a small talk with me ( it's not about her ). But now since its the 24th, I have messaged her a " Hey, I hope you're doing well. I just want to wish you and your family a Merry Christmas! " just to let her know that there's no beef between us and that we're still friends -- that even though I left without explaining myself, I did what I had to do -- to self heal. I'm not expecting if she'll reply, if she took it personally then that's not my problem anymore.

As @kaychave said to me, it's not that they don't they the energy, it's mostly that they don't have the emotional capacity for a relationship right now. I know it's difficult to accept that, even I had a long time before I accepted that. You will really feel that there will be barriers if you continue it, you will have a hard time measuring things between you two and that is exhausting. I won't hope too much for her to put effort into the relationship as the only thing she can offer right now is less than what you deserve ( from what I have experienced ) and that is something you will have to face if you're willing to go for the long haul. Yeah, this is a lesson I wish I have KNOWN much earlier -- that we have to avoid relationship talk at all costs. But the thing that keeps me positive is believing that nothing is a mistake; that everything we've done from the rights and wrongs will be the lessons we need to move forward in our lives. Same thing here bud, at the beginning of our relationship both of us have discussed how can we be on the same page as we progress in our relationship. How I have wished we had discussed how to support each other during grief when a tragedy happens in life. We will heal brother, it's only a matter of time. As Neil Patrick Harris once said:

While reading your posts, I can't avoid not thinking " Man there's another human being that's going through the same thing as I " and that I was in your position 3 months ago that the resemblance of our situation is so uncanny. From the similarities I've seen : 1. This is our first real love/relationship. 2. We have met their families and they approved of us. 3. We showed deeply our love even tho they have hurt us ( and they acknowledge that ) 4. We loved them unconditionally, supported them, honestly we could say we have given our best but still it wasn't enough to work things out ( for me ) 5. Both of our exes knows that losing a great guy is a mistake. 6. They tried/still trying to work things out between us. 7. They have nothing to give for us, even though they deeply care and love us, they had to break off the relationship. 8. Confronted them with question(s) about the relationship. 9. She began to have trust issues (not because of us) with everyone around them. Hey man, I'm not in the right state to give advice right now as I am still grieving my ex even though I can really feel that I am healing one day at a time. What I can say is that this situation you are in will drain you mentally if you decide to continue; sure at first we don't want to end things, we are clinging to the hope of " working things out " -- that maybe one day they'll miraculously go back to the way they were before pre-grieving but I don't think that's going to happen. It took me a lot of realizations before I accepted that. I don't blame you for trying this working out the relationship with her, go ahead if you feel to. It's worth trying it out rather than having those continuous what if's running through your mind especially in the future. I know it's hard to lose her as she was just not any other girls we've previously dated ( at least for me ) In my case, we had agreed to work out the relationship twice. First one was when we broke up last September and the second was last November after giving each other space for a month. All I could say from what happened when we decided to work it out are : 1. it's difficult to maintain or even sustain a relationship with a broken person. You can't avoid not thinking about " this is not how we were used to be " and that is something you will have to live for and you can't do anything about it. 2. I felt that I was walking on eggshells as that I continue filtering every word, sentence, and thoughts before I actually say it to her. And once I have said it and she didn't react to the way I was hoping for her to react, I would overthink " what did I say wrong? " in other words, she has become sensitive. 3. She doesn't like expectations ( at least right now, I guess? ) 4. From what I experienced, whenever I looked back at everything that I did to support her : I was there at the funeral of her father Brought her mom sunflower bouquet for her mom's birthday and surprised her that we're going to her dad's grave then we bought cake and wine for her mom's b-day celebration ( this happened in one day ) Got a tattoo together ( this happened when we already broke up ) Surprised her breakfast in their home and her mom was even shocked that I did that ( this happened when we already broke up ) She invited me to come over at their dad's grave when they paid to visit ( this happened when we already broke up) Ordered Shawarma for lunch and ate at their house ( this happened when we already broke up ) Gave her the space we both needed ( this happened when we already broke up ) Accompanied her to the mall 2 weeks ago And of course, I still was listening to her rants, cries, and problems. There's a lot of here that I haven't mentioned but from what I can see I have already done enough to even try to save the relationship. 5. It is mostly going to be one-sided at some point and you can't say or do anything to change that unless she has decided to invest in the relationship again. 6. Everything that is going to transpire will mostly come from her terms. 7. I had a hard time approaching her because I had difficulties in measuring how much space that she need and you're going to be thinking that if you go talk to her, you will disrupt the space she has requested. 8. Our messages that once was full of enthusiasm, energy, and laughs were changed to 3-5 hours gap before we reply to each other (it depends on the topic we're talking about), mostly just checking how each other are doing, trying to have that fun and light conversation but deep down you know it's not the same. 9. You can't be your authentic self. 10. You will constantly overthink about the past, present, and future. You will think if you're going to make this through ( and this is mentally exhausting ), you will reminisce how good you both were in the past and how you're disappointed it had to be this way, and you will miss her especially in the present. I'm sure your ex is great bro. We won't be drooling ourselves like that if they meant nothing to us but it's just that life had gotten into the middle of our relationship and I know it's not easy to accept it at first. Even I am slowly accepting the fact that we're not talking now for 22 days ( even though I already foresee this coming ) but it's still hard. I always believed that when you're introduced to the family, there shouldn't be any problems you both cannot face because you were introduced for a reason -- you were the best she could see her life and future with. But damn how wrong was I. As what my dad said, " son charge this to experience " and my best friend said " it is what it is " I hope you can figure out what's best for you.

@BaxterBurg Hi, Baxter. I have read your post but I suggest you creating a forum of your own so we could discuss it in a properly manner. Having said that, I really feel you on your situation right now. Having those continuous " what ifs" going around your head, anxiety & worries running through your brain that hoping things will soon work out between the two of you. I don't blame you for having that hope as she is also willing to work out the relationship. May I suggest you reading my forum on " relationship ended due to she lost her father " we have a similar case and you might learn a thing or two from my story. I'm still grieving her as of the moment but day by day I can feel that my heart heals. We haven't spoken casually for 20 days now and I'm not honestly sure when or if we are going to be talking again.

I just want to get this off my chest, since I've stopped viewing her instagram stories, she had noticed it that I'm not checking her stories anymore because she had viewed my last 2 stories last sunday but I didn't view her stories on that same day and for the following days when she was posting. I feel like she already felt what I was doing ( that I'm moving on ) and now she's doing the same thing -- she's not viewing my stories as of the moment but her relatives still does.

You are both right. I have realized that maybe the reason I'm having a hard time moving on is because even though I have experienced loving a girl before, nothing compared to the love that I have gave Alek. Everything that happened in our relationship was mostly the first time I have experienced it -- from being introduced to the family, having those sweet and memorable moments, taking the extra-extra mile, and the love that has been shared by one another. I've also realized that the dopamine level was so high on those moments that's why it withdraws me right now because she is not the one supplying the happiness that I need. Right now, what I've been doing to divert my thoughts whenever my mind is reminiscing on the past, I will take down 3 things that's in front of me and I will say it -- just to get my focus back on the present. It has worked so far to keep me focused on the now instead of the future or the past. I would say wealth and relationships. I haven't achieved my financial goals yet as that I am still studying but I'm going to get there. My relationships with my family, close friends are good. I catch up with them from time to time. For romantic relationships, I know the mistakes I've done and the areas I need to improve on for my next relationship. It's funny, I was watching Spiderman 3 earlier and there was this scene where MJ and Peter are dining in a fancy restaurant. MJ has something to say about what she feels but instead Peter cut her off and tried to show sympathy by making it all about him and obviously MJ was pissed off and walked out. And there I thought " Man if you would have just listened to MJ she wouldn't have walked out like that 😂 " and that is one of the biggest lesson I learned from Alek ( how to actively listen ) and I am thankful for that. And that is what I'm currently doing. When we took space from Oct to Nov, I tried to find my purpose and I think I have found it. I'm going to volunteer for Red Cross. Since I'm a fitness enthusiast and I want to advocate the importance of health, I'm going to start by giving service to my fellowmen. Thank you so much for continuing listening to my questions and problems, @kayc and @selena1988. I hope you don't get tired for listening to my problems as sometimes I might feel down about myself and rant my thoughts here.

I kept telling myself that It's not about me having expectations that led us to this point, it's about what I deserve. And I know I am right. Maybe the reason I'm acting like this at the moment is because that I'm unsure of what the future holds for the both of us and that scares me. Just like when we broke up, I tried my best to save the relationship because I was scared of losing her. I'll admit I'm not scared of losing her now as much as I was 3 months ago but I'm afraid if we'll ever keep in touch again. And yes, I know that I should focus on myself and think less if we'll be talking again. I've given my worries to the Lord's hands as he will be the one to set the course for the both of us -- but even though I've placed my worries into him, I still can't stop worrying inside my head.

I know, same goes for me too. I know what I've been asking myself, thinking about, has already been answered. It's just that there are so many what if's running through my mind and it continues from there. For example : When we had talked about working out the relationship last month, I asked her how can we start working out the relationship, and she replied : " Maybe we could start by taking things day by day? " ( this story is on page 3 ) which from my understanding she wants to take things slow. And when she reached out to me last Dec 10 asking " hey, how are you?" I just thought maybe that's her trying to work this relationship out. That's her trying to make an effort. Because the way that I knew her, if she would wanted to stop working things out between us, she would say so -- but she hadn't. She just didn't reach out for 9 days. So I'm thinking, what if she really does want to continue it but I'm the one this time that let go. Anyway, this is merely a what if story.