MartyT

Good for you! And thank you for sharing your experience with all of us. (We're all pulling for you!) ❤️

My friend, you've suffered so many significant losses ~ the deaths of your father, your grandfather, your uncle and your mother, and then the end of your marriage ~ I certainly can understand how overwhelmed you must feel. You also have two children who are mourning these losses as well, and who may be looking to you, their dad, for comfort and support. All of this adds to the burden you are struggling to carry.

Please know that we are thinking of you and supporting you as you work to find your way through this most difficult journey of grief. I hope you will avail yourself of all the resources that are available to you ~ all of which will serve to convince you that you are not alone.

I'm a firm believer in learning all you can about what is normal in grief, so you'll have a better understanding of what you are thinking and feeling and a better handle on what you might do to manage your own reactions. As you come to know us here, you will find lots of reliable information as well as the support you need and deserve.

To begin, let me point you to some readings that I'm hoping might help. Note that each of these articles lists links to additional related resources:

In Grief: Coping with Multiple Losses

Grief: Understanding The Process

Bereavement: Doing The Work of Grief

Finding GriefSupport That Is Right for You

Supporting Children and Adolescents in Grief

4 hours ago, Tachi said:

I will probably never hear from the couple who bought the house ever again. in a way I want to share some things about it but in a way i think it best to just let it go. Thats a rough part of Life is learning when to let things go.

Scott, the thoughts you're having remind of this article: In Grief: Saying Goodbye to A Family Home ❤️

And there's even room enough for your grandson! 😋

Dear Daryle, I'm so sorry to learn of the death of your beloved momma, and my heart reaches out to you in your pain. Clearly you are a loving son whose devotion to your mother is obvious ~ even though your love and care were not enough to save her.

I want to refer you to a piece that could have been written just for you, and I hope it will bring some comfort and understanding to your broken heart: Guilt In The Wake of A Parent's Death ~ and be sure to take a look at some of the many additional resources listed at the base. ❤️

I just read an article that made me think of you: 'After my mum died, I couldn't find the support I needed, so I set up my own community'  ❤️

Although anxiety and panic attacks are not at all unusual in grief (see, for example, Anxiety and Panic Attacks in Grief and Coping with Anxiety and Panic Attacks in Grief) it's clear that you're still struggling. You've asked for my opinion on this, and as I indicated in my previous response to you, my dear, I think it's essential for you to find someone with whom you can share your concerns, especially since you're still feeling this way. A qualified grief counselor or therapist who specializes in traumatic loss can be most helpful in guiding you toward a better understanding of your reactions and what you might do to manage them. Struggling with anxiety all by yourself is difficult and unnecessary! Help is available, if you're willing to put forth the effort to find it! See Finding Grief Support That Is Right for You ~ including the related resources listed at the base. I encourage you to think of face-to-face grief counseling as a gift you can give yourself ~ and it can change your life for the better.  ❤️ 

2 hours ago, Frecklesx3 said:

So am I lonely without a cat or lonely without freckles? 

It could be both, and I'm not sure if it makes any difference. You spent nearly half your life with Freckles ~ is it any wonder that you're missing her so much? Give yourself permission to mourn her death, and take as much time as you need. Should you ever decide to bring another kitty into your life, you will know if and when it is time. (See, for example, Pet Loss: How Long Before Adopting Another?)

Your story is a reminder that some time after my beloved cockapoo Muffin was hit by a car and later died, I took a creative writing class. One of our assignments was to write about someone who meant a great deal to us. I asked our instructor whether that "someone" could be a pet, and although she thought it was unusual, she said okay. My essay was about Muffin ~ how he came into my life, how much he meant to me, and how his tragic death affected me. I wept as I read the piece out loud to my classmates. That essay later became the introduction to my book, The Final Farewell: Preparing for and Mourning the Loss of Your Pet, and the profound effect his death had on me eventually led to my becoming a grief counselor who also specializes in pet loss. ❤️

Good heavens, Kay! How awful for you! Do you know if your neighbor's dog has been vaccinated against rabies? Have you had a tetanus shot within the last 5 years? I know it's hard for you (weather-wise) at this time of year, but I hope you'll make an appointment to see your healthcare provider ASAP. This is not something to be taken lightly. I'm so sorry this happened to you . . . 

1 hour ago, Novi said:

I've been having a very tough time adjusting to my new job. I get berated and made to feel stupid, this has been going on for months. It's breaking my self esteem,

It saddens me to think that you're in a job that brings you down so much. Is there nothing you can do to improve your work environment?  No one at work who can advise, guide or support you in any way? See, for example, How to Handle a Lack of Support at Work.

You might also consider giving yourself a few sessions with a qualified counselor or life coach ~ someone professionally trained to help you maximize your full potential and reach your desired results.

And always remember that, as Eleanor Roosevelt wisely observed, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. ❤️

December Webinar:

Handling The New Year As A Grieving Man
Wednesday, December 27, 8:30 pm EST
Individual, Joe Walko will discuss his experiences dealing with the holiday season after his
wife died. In addition, grief and loss educator, Bill Hoy will discuss common challenges men face and will offer strategies and solutions to help cope. The workshop will conclude with 15 minutes for Q and A moderated by Ken Levy.

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1 hour ago, Novi said:

I know this isn't the forum or the thread to talk about this but I don't really have anywhere to turn to.

My dear, I just want you to know that your words have been read and your voice has been heard.

Meanwhile, I am concerned for your safety, and if you're thinking of suicide, I urge you to read this first.

As you already know, our site is not intended for individuals who are in crisis and actively contemplating suicide ~ but that does not mean that you have nowhere else to turn.

988 has been designated as the new three-digit dialing code that will route callers to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. When you call, text, or chat 988, you will be connected to trained counselors that are part of the existing National Suicide Prevention Lifeline network. These trained counselors will listen, understand how your problems are affecting you, provide support, and connect you to resources if necessary.

If you are experiencing serious suicidal thoughts that you cannot control, please stop now and telephone 988 or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Using your smart phone, contact the Crisis Text Line by texting HOME to 741741. 

I gently remind you that the information offered on this site is not meant in any way to substitute for professional or medical advice. Our forums are offered as a supplement to ~ not as a substitute for ~ sharing with a trusted other (relative, friend, neighbor, clergy, colleague), participating in an in-person grief support group or meeting with a professional grief counselor or therapist. 

I urge you to let your healthcare provider know of the concerns you've shared with us here, and ask what resources might be available in your community so you can get the help you so badly need and deserve. I believe that grief counseling and individual psychotherapy are among the most precious gifts we can choose to give to ourselves, and they can change our lives for the better. That is what I wish for you! ❤️

1 hour ago, Kayana said:

is that normal? is there anything i can do to stop thinking that way? thank you so much!

If it's happening to you, then I would say that it is normal for YOU ~ in the sense that it fits with how you've been reacting to the sudden, unexpected death of your father. As for what you can do to stop thinking that way, there are lots of suggestions you can find online to help. See, for example, How to Stop Instrusive Thoughts. You might also bring this up as one of the talking points to discuss with your therapist. ❤️

2 hours ago, Novi said:

It's me who is being tested for cervical cancer next week. I'm hoping it's just a false positive, but I won't know more until the biopsy happens. 

Please let us know, if you're willing. Meanwhile, know that you are in our thoughts and prayers as we hope for the best for you. ❤️

From Stuart M. Doering, Graduate Student at Viterbo University's Master of Science in Mental Health Counseling Program:

This survey is focused on the relationship between resilience and grief among men who have lost a loved one within the last 30 years, are at least 18 years old, and use he/him/his pronouns.

The survey will take about 15-25 minutes and will involve answering questions about your personal experiences with grief and current functioning. Participation is entirely voluntary. You can stop taking the survey at any point. After taking the survey you can click a link to a separate survey to enter your email for the chance to win a $20 Amazon gift card. Here is a link to the survey: https://qfreeaccountssjc1.az1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_6V9I5vUhQ0z6eLI

This research study has received approval from the Institutional Review Board at Viterbo University. Previous research has focused on the relationship among resilience and grief among women. By focusing on men, I hope this will lead to a better understanding of the grief process among men and create higher standards of care in human services fields for those experiencing grief.

If you have any questions, feel free to email me at sdoeri76849@viterbo.edu.  

Blessings of comfort, peace and healing to you as well, my friend ❤️

First of all, my dear, please know that I am so very sorry to learn of the sudden, totally unexpected death of your father ~ especially when you yourself are so young. Next, I want to assure you that your reactions are normal and understandable under the circumstances. In a single instant, everything you knew and thought you understood about life got turned upside down, and the world as you've known it got totally changed forever. That is enough to put anyone over the edge, especially if this is your first experience with a significant loss. It's only natural to think, if this could happen to your father, then certainly it could happen to you ~ or to anyone else you love, for that matter ~ suddenly, out of the blue, without any warning at all.

This is why it can be so helpful to find someone you know and trust, someone you can talk to, someone who can help you look at all of this and evaluate it more objectively. That can be a friend, a trusted relative, or even a therapist / counselor who specializes in bereavement.

If you find that sharing your story here with us is enough, that is wonderful too, and we will do all we can to support you and help you come to a better understanding of your grief and what you might do to better manage your own reactions.

You might begin by reading a bit about what is normal (and therefore to be expected) in grief. Click on these titles to read on ~ and note that additional readings are listed at the base of each article:

Grief: Understanding The Process

Traumatic Loss: Surviving A Parent's Sudden, Accidental Death

Parent Loss: Continuing Their Song

Dear, dear Karen: Sometimes, you just gotta laugh . . . ❤️